The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am feeling alot better. Tuesday was the last time I lost it and called my ex ah. I saw that there was a "trigger" that happened that made me feel the need to call him and be abused. So, when the triggers came up I prayed. Please take him, I am not in control, your will not mine, this situation is not mine to control. And it has been working. I also brought it all up as a topic at my Tuesday night meeting. So, today when my lawyer FINALLY called and told me my ex ah still hadn't signed the divorce papers, I kinda laughed and turned that over too. He's the one that's been saying "we're divorced, I can do whatever I want and it's none of your business." Head games. Then when my ex ah called me to say he was going to call the school about our 12 yr old and the cutting but thought he'd talk to me first I said "call the school" and hung up rather rather than engage in anything with him. Right now I have to take care of myself and the kids. Not him. I might be wrong, I might be selfish, but my peace has returned. Honesty is more important than I ever knew. I knew I wanted him to be honest with me, he never was. But being honest with myself is a gift I didn't know I needed so badly.
I agree, it is a gift. It also helps with our perspective and gaining control over our own actions. That's a big step It takes practice, but it's very empowering.
Feels good huh? i am so glad for you. isn't it funny how sometimes it is the simplest thing that clicks in us?
For me it was saying the serenity prayer, well still is, and putting my life behind those words. thinking about what i cannot change, what i can accept, what i need to let go.
Saying everything is ok over and over and turning it over to my hp works too.
Look at each day and doing my best and not going beyond that.
I hope you and the kids are ok. I found when my kids were teens, like I told you, just do something simple, even a walk, talk about nothing, then our kids can start talking about things they need to get out.
your girl is still really a baby. They look so grown up, but they are still little kids. I know when my mother would share things about her that were uncomfortable, it helped me to open up.
It was the same for me when I got my at risk kids to open up. I was an open book. other staff thought I was nuts, but I could get a gun away from someone and stop a teen suicide. Humbly thanking my hp.
She may be afraid her feelings will hurt you. She sees you sad and hurting and does not want to add more. To her they are HUGE. We need to reassure them we can take anything. They need us to be strong.
I am sooo proud of you and sooo thankful you shared.
It takes practice, but it's very empowering.