The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
How many times have we all heard this statement? It's simple and to the point. Why is it then that it has taken me so long to really hear it? I think it was just because I wasn't ready to hear it. I experienced it time after time with my A husband. In the 5yrs that we have been together I couldn't even begin to tell you how many times we have seperated. During each seperation I would get so caught up in my co-dependency that after a couple of months I would be more than willing to go back. I was easy. However, the last time we seperated is when I think I started hearing that nothing changes if nothing changes so he had to work a little harder. I heard the "I am willing to do anything to save our marriage" lines. Other times it would be "your leaving me this last time was probably the best thing that ever happened to me because, for the first time, I had to take responsibility" lines. I thought that was the change I was looking for. Can you say HOOKED! He reeled me in and before I knew it I was back on that merry-go-round. Well guess what? Here I sit once again seperated from my husband. Over the weekend I found myself taking another look at this simple statement. I want to end this pain. Stop the madness. Get off of the merry-go-round. Take off the blinders. In the past, I have always looked to him to see what he was going to do but today my question is What Am I Going To Do? Do I think that he will quit drinking? Probably not. History has shown me that nothing changes if nothing changes so what am I going to do? I am going to start working on my co-dendency issues. I am going to stand strong in the face of fear. I'm going to tell myself that although I may be frightened now if I just hang on a little longer my reward will be happiness, serenity, dignity and self-confidence. And I am going to do it One Day At A Time.
Ya know what??? I think you're thinking clearly! I think things are going to get so much better for you. I know that I am very proud of you Keep moving forward like your doing. Your awesome! Always in my prayers.
You go girl! My thoughts exactly. I wish the pain and fear would stop. He acts and I react. I keep waiting for my AHsober to change. He even says he is not going to change. So why do keep expecting it? I drive myself crazy. Yes and I do want to change. And I have. Please share your happiness and serenity with us.
JulieLynn, Thank you for that powerful post. I have been there and am there now. I wish you all the best in your self exploration. I am rooting for you and for all of us. Take care of yourself.
Sounds to me like you have reached a bottom. Feels bad I know cause that is how I felt and now you can start to go up and out. It was dark down there on the bottom but when I looked up I could also see the light at the end of the tunnel and used it as a guide to head for. Nothing changes if nothing changes is a statement we use for us when we get the focus of of them and what they are and are not doing that doesn't meet our expectations. I learned not to have expectations other than she would continue to drink just as you have reached that expectation. I used that as permission to start on my very own journey of recovery rather than to wait around to see if she would make it. The disease brought me insanity and near death and the only person who could save my own butt was me and I didn't need her permission or anyone elses to do that. It's the same thing today.
"The life that I have is God's gift to me. What I do with it is my gift to God." Just a push.
Go do your recovery. You are not alone. We are here for you. (((((hugs)))))
Tough stuff. For me, pain is a great motivator of change. Nothing changes if nothing changes. Absolutely! Sometimes, it takes till I am 'sick n tired' of being 'sick n tired', but in the end, it is about changing something (someone, someplace, some ideal, etc).
Thanks for your share with love cj
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time to stop going to the hardware store to buy bread.
After I packed up and left my husband, it was ugly for awhile and he was always drunk. But now I really think he has slowed down on his drinking. He lost another family, and things changed for him, after I made a change. He is more dedicated to my boys. But I had to quit messing round and make the change for all of us. We get along great, now that we don't live together. And what he does when he is not interacting with us, is none of my business.
Josey
-- Edited by jrtjosey at 04:59, 2007-03-19
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Julianne - It's best to move on. You cannot look back in anger in life. It's too short
I am right thre with you Julie.... I am in the same situation and I too have come to realize I have to stop thinking about what he's doing and work on me. My A and I are split up as well, I am scared, lonely, frustrated but I know in the end I will find Love, Happiness, Serenity, Peace. It's hard I know. Just for today I am going to take Care of Me! All the best to you hon!!!!
How many times have we all heard this statement? It's simple and to the point. Why is it then that it has taken me so long to really hear it? I think it was just because I wasn't ready to hear it. I experienced it time after time with my A husband. In the 5yrs that we have been together I couldn't even begin to tell you how many times we have seperated. During each seperation I would get so caught up in my co-dependency that after a couple of months I would be more than willing to go back. I was easy. However, the last time we seperated is when I think I started hearing that nothing changes if nothing changes so he had to work a little harder. I heard the "I am willing to do anything to save our marriage" lines. Other times it would be "your leaving me this last time was probably the best thing that ever happened to me because, for the first time, I had to take responsibility" lines. I thought that was the change I was looking for. Can you say HOOKED! He reeled me in and before I knew it I was back on that merry-go-round. Well guess what? Here I sit once again seperated from my husband. Over the weekend I found myself taking another look at this simple statement. I want to end this pain. Stop the madness. Get off of the merry-go-round. Take off the blinders. In the past, I have always looked to him to see what he was going to do but today my question is What Am I Going To Do? Do I think that he will quit drinking? Probably not. History has shown me that nothing changes if nothing changes so what am I going to do? I am going to start working on my co-dendency issues. I am going to stand strong in the face of fear. I'm going to tell myself that although I may be frightened now if I just hang on a little longer my reward will be happiness, serenity, dignity and self-confidence. And I am going to do it One Day At A Time.
I think you're thinking clearly! 
I think things are going to get so much better for you.
I know that I am very proud of you
Keep moving forward like your doing. Your awesome!
Always in my prayers.
