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Hi everybody. It's been quite a while since I have posted and I hope everybody is doing well. I have been through quite a bit since...I am finally divorcing my husband of ten years. He came home from prison last August and we were fighting a lot and he started using again and i kicked him out for the last time. He has not been easy to deal with, harassing me and my children to the ends of the earth. He got arrested again and is getting out soon on Prop. 36. and soon the harassment will begin again. I also found my first love and we have been seeing each other for a couple of months. This part is confusing me because I find myself acting obsessed and not feeling loved. And I don't think it has anything to do with the way he treats me. It is just maybe because when we first were together, we were fifteen and he treated me terribly, cheating and acting aloof. But we were both on drugs and alcohol. But it is hard for me to separate the old and the new relationship. And I find myself comparing him to my ex, like my ex expressed his undying love to me all the time and there was no question that he loved me. Troy, my new man, is really casual about it and I find myself trying to make him jealous and fall all over me. He asked me why I don't know that he loves me because he holds me all night and tells me he loves me and I don't know!!! I find myself thinking about it too much and not concentrating on other things in life even though I am seriously trying to stay focused. This scares me because I do not need another co-dependent relationship. I love him very much and have known him for 20+ years but I cannot get hurt again-With my ex I wasn't that in love with him and it hurts that we messed everything up but if something goes wrong with Troy, I would get really hurt. Maybe that is what i am looking at, the pain of things not working out. Maybe I am not ready for a relationship yet. I'm scared to love again i don't know what i wanted to say i guess I just wanted to get some feelings out so thanks for reading if you did! i am going to go read and pray and maybe something will come to me thanks julie
Get yourself to meetings and get to know yourself , and stay this is a prog for living your life and if you bring your problems from previous relationship u will sabatage the next one . You have been affected by alcoholism and u too need to recover . comaparing your ex to this newest relationship ??? is that the ex that loved u so much he is now harrasing you and who found him self in jail no once but twice ? Why would u want that for you again .
I've just had a similar experience...I had a relationship with a friend I have known for 20 years...He was casual and I was obsessed......He wasn't able to comitt and I wanted the world.....So guess what I got hurt...And I'm still trying to recover from that...I too was dependent on him....
Please know you are worth so much more....And need time for your own recovery....
I'm trying to do that for me...Also I still want him back....But he needs his recovery space too...
Keep comming back, listening to experience, strength & Hope......We have a chatroom too, Come join us...
Sounds like it is still time to be working on you, rather than putting too much into a new relationship. Either working your program, or getting some counsellling, or both, might be helpful in identifying what is going on here, and finding some ways to relate more healthily. Of course your confidence is shot, after what you have been through, and it's hard to know the best approach. The healthier you get your own self, though, the healthier your relationships will be - that is guaranteed.
Been there too and done that too...It didn't work. I didn't know how to have relationships with people cause I was afraid and broken. A suggestion in the program was NO new relationships until being in and working the program for two years. The reasons are obvious! Like I found out that I could not save the alcoholic? No one can save me either!
The slogan that worked for me then and still does now? "When in doubt....DON'T". If there is any doubt what so ever about what I am about to do, especially with relationships that I fantacize will make me feel better, I don't do it cause it won't happen. There really is no truth to the story about kissing a frog. Frogs don't smile and think it's cool and there's always the chance of warts.
I agree with the others. Work on yourself first before entering any relationship. You are still very broken and you need time. I am in the same situation as you as far divorcing my hubby of ten years too. We split up last August and we agreed to work on our marriage. I was so excited to hear those words that I jumped the gun way to fast and now he's gone again since Friday and I feel there is no hope for us. He has stopped going to meetings, does not have a sponsor. I feel he is drinking again as I could hear it in his voice when I spoke to him on the phone the other night. I know he is still using pot. So to, he's not ready to save himself or our marriage. The only thing that I can do is keeping working on me. I go to f2f meetings, counseling, support group for abused women and I am taking a boundries course for the next 12 weeks. I feel I need to be healthy before I evan think of ever getting into another relationship. I want to make sure that the next lasts forever and I am taking my time. Good Luck and keep coming back
