The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hello all, It is amost 4:30 am, eastern time. I was sound asleep and who comes rapping at my bedroom window--my A! See, I had been seriously planning to come see him at his little hole in the wall. This afternoon he told me not to call and if I came I came and if not o well. I never really called much of anyone. Stuck to helpful support sites and some searching on the internet. Since I remembered him saying not to call, I didn't. Maybe I should have just called and said I just didn't feel up to it. Anytime I start to talk about my struggles with my daily phyical, emotional, and medical issues is usually by the time he is good and toasted. He doesn't want to hear all the crying, moaning, and complaining. He said it was up to me to come see him. I did think about it, but I also thought about the chaos I would be walking head into. Already tring to recover from surgery, get ready to quit smoking, and learning the daily acceptance of my other issues is hard enough. When he came a couple of hours ago, he said he don't want no call, he wil be there, and to either come or not, but don't call. His feelings are so mixed, as well as mine. Part of me wants to stay away, but he is supposed to help me out with a little money. God it's like prostituting myself, withought the sex. Putting me thru all that and still ending up in a good way. God I am so confused.hugs to you all and a cool pic my daughter took of the t-shirt she gave me for X-mas. I think it is absolutely cool, since she took it from a cell phone camera. I think 2 of these pics might be the kind you have to click on the name to get it. I had a little trouble uploading pics so early in the am
-- Edited by hippietrippiechick at 05:05, 2007-03-18
-- Edited by hippietrippiechick at 05:08, 2007-03-18
I am sorry you are going through this tough time. I can relate to some. I too used to think I was here for the cash until I realized that was an excuse. Money is never all it is about. Look deaper and you may find the real reason you stay with him. I feel you did the right thing not calling but as you said you are both confused and when you change you change the rules of the game. And when you did not call or show up the rules changed and he was unsure hence he came to your home at 4am. Good for you to work on keeping the chaos out. Keep up your strength and your HP will help you to find your answers. They may not come quickly but they will come just listen and keep your heart open.
Enjoy the day and remember a positive thinking creates positive feelings! ♥, your friend in recovery, sunshinedt
Personally, I think making boundaries and sticking with them definitely saved my sanity. That way we both knew exactly what the rules were, those boundaries not only saved me but have helped my A also. Keep working at holding the chaos at bay. :) BTW I don't think that last pic in your signature is appropriate here. JMHO