The material presented
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The A and I are separating shortly. In a week or so I will be living in a different place. In theory we will still see quite a bit of each other while he works out how to transition.
The irony for me is that now he is asking me to marry him!
Of course I have said no citing his debt.
At the same time its no coincidence that as I move away he moves up to commit in ways he never would before. He even used to call me his room mate to certain people!
I am very very ambivalent about this transition not because I don't think I can manage but because I will be leaving my pets with him and they mean the world to me. It may be that I can have one cat where I am but she generally doesn't like being cooped up.
So for me it really is one day at a time.
At the same time I do see opportunities opening up.
I have to say, given everything that you have said about him and this relationship, it was hilarious to me that he would ask you to marry him! Oh, those dear A's, they can be so full of irony, can't they?
UUUgh I know, right? About six weeks ago I decided I had to leave my A because he was so mean. I behaved differently, not minding his comings and goings or trying to get attention of any kind, and wouldn't you know it? Now he's Mr. nice guy even though he's still sneaking around with bottles and being lame. At least he's not being mean. Is it an act because he senses something?
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I'm like a pinch of tea...put me in hot water and see how strong I can be.
I have to say, given everything that you have said about him and this relationship, it was hilarious to me that he would ask you to marry him! Oh, those dear A's, they can be so full of irony, can't they?
BlueCloud
My thoughts exactly :D . If it didn't hurt your heart so much to 'finally hear the words' you've wished for, you'd be laughing. And crying too, you can't deny how sad it is, and how desperate. Best wishes!!!
Maresie how great that your Plan B is finally unfolding before your eyes. You should be so proud of your strength. It must be a really heavy heart you have to leave your animals. Is it possible for them to go to an animal shelter? Please take care of your own safety when you do move and if necessary have someone at the house with you when you do it. I will hold you in my thoughts and pray that everything goes well for you. ((()) Luv Leo xx
Oh that cracked me up. I know your a has good intentions. They pull whatever they can out to "win" us back and again he's only saying that because that's what you want to hear. My ah has become sober and yesturday he said "will you go out with me"? I was taken back because even though we have been together eight years, he has taken so much of my life away from me and he knows I can not just jump back into life with him. So I agree'd that I would go on a date with him and see where that leads. I love this man I really do or I would not have fought so long for his own life. But he knows I can not "play house" with him and mean it. I know your intentions are probably "if you get sober for X amount of months or days then you will marry him" Don't get twisted up in that marriage fantasy, I did and it only got worse. Nothing at all changes because you sign a piece of paper, that's all it is. If he's not acting married now then forget it. Marriage is love and respect and sharing things. what's his is your and what's yours is his. Are you ready for all of that? If he still wants that in a year of sobriety then there is no reason you can't live happily ever after. Please thing long and hard about it. Life doesn't become everything you've ever wanted just because you get married or have children. Love ya. Your in my prayers. ^i^
I am not going to marry the A. I have had it to the rooftops with his behavior and his self destructiveness. He is always going off about something. The latest was this morning about where he needs to move to might not have the water pressure he needs. He is bankrupt, he is penniless, he had to go ask relatives for help and now he is worried about water pressure!
I am also aware that for 3 long months he sat and played video games all day and generally felt sorry for himself.
I went to his brother today and basically laid it on the line that I may need him to help me. He agreed. I was plain spoken, not demanding and I just put the situation out there. He responded. In the past he has said there is nothing I can do because I complained. Now he said if he needs to he will help. I told him I would keep him updated.
The A sinks into even more denial all the time. I push him to make choices he makes none he just sits in its not fair day and night.
I am beyond even rage anymore about the situation he has put me in. Leaving me with nothing. He is totally self absorbed. I come up with a plan of how he can move and he picks on it it is not enough for him. He put himself into this place by not taking care of things for years and wants the perfect outcome.
I have had to take a couple of days off work to complete my move to a small tiny room in a shared house (something I would never exactly aspire to) which I may be able to fit my cats into. In the meantime unless the A gets his act together my dogs will have to go to the spca. That will mean that they are not put down but nevertheless the thought of it is devastating to me. I am a long way from that now but I have mentioned it to the brother.
I can't even summon the anger anymore to get angry at the A. He just sits self absorbed in his "poor me" and takes absolutely no responsibility and he doesn't want to act unless it is perfect. So I keep putting one foot in front of the other and taking steps but I must admit my stress is off the charts.
