The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
So, I go to the pharmacy today, to get a perscription refilled. And I get a rather interesting piece of news. As of the end of February, my father--and me--are now un insured. Well, that was quite a surprise. Especially seeing as all the doctors, dentists, therapists, whomever else I've seen in the past 2 weeks are going to be sending bills to the insurance who will then recieve said bills and say "We're sorry, these are no longer paying participants in our plan." I haven't elected to tell my father the news. Insurance has declined all of his perscriptions--according to the pharmacist--and, he was polite enough to tell me, technically speaking, letting me "pick up" my perscriptions and "having dad pay for them later" was considered stealing. So I took a deep breath and told him the truth. My dad was probably drinking again. If the insurance had cancelled us from the group policy, he had let the premium lapse, and, really, there was nothing I could do. In the meantime, it was prudent that I pick up my perscriptions because it was critical that I keep on my meds--these were, after all, meds for depression and they were, after after all, designed for a patient under long term treatment. The pharmacist agreed. I told him my father will be back tomorrow, and will probably be in to pick up his perscriptions. In light of this probably isn't my business when it comes to my father's disease--and in light of how the pharmacist has probably had to deliver this news to people before--it might not be a bad idea to let the pharmacist tell dad. Right now, I have a strange sense of surrender about all that's going on. I can't explain it. Maybe it's the feeling I've heard expressed that "When I realized I was truly powerless...." I'm tempted to say "It's so hard." Well, really, there's nothing in my life that's "easy." I'm tempted to say, "I don't know." Well, really, I do. The reality is that 6 months ago, my father stole my meds from this exact pharmacy. I don't know if this is his bottom. But I do know things are getting progressively worse for him the more I refuse to enable him. I'm temped to say "I feel so helpless." Well, I am. I am helpless--I'm trying to control a disease and it's a worthless, empty fight. I won't win. I'm tempted to give up. And in truth, that's the best way to handle the situation. Just take care of me. Focus on me. Live in the now. And, of course, "Be the change." "Let it begin with me." Thanks for listening guys.
I am so sorry - this is not a good piece of news, no. I know the feeling of needing those meds for depression also. I am sending a prayer up for you and your father. Remember that as he gets worse, he may find his HP and a plan, and that not enabling him is a good thing for him. I know you know that.... but it is so hard sometimes.
Not having insurance is a horrible thing that many Americans go through. I used to work in a benefits department and I tend to think that most insurance plans aren't very good anyhow!!! I guess it is better to have something, but most people end up paying more with the deductibles, etc. anyway. But what can you do, like you said? Let it go, pray for guidance to forgive, pray for peace and hope in light of financial problems.
How many times have I been embarrassed by a bill not being paid by my AH's irresponsibility due to his disease? Bagillions & then a few more. My heart goes out to you. Try to avoid those situations, now, but it still happens sometimes.
Sounds like you handled it in a very healthy, recovery oriented manner.
Hope you have a great weekend, Rita
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No matter what me and my God are going to be ok, even better than OK -
I have not had insurance in a very long time, it's a crummy feeling, esp when there are things you NEED. I'm still working on taking care of myself that way, the new, improved, more responsible me.I guess we'll all get there somehow. Jamie
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I'm like a pinch of tea...put me in hot water and see how strong I can be.
I feel so bad for you to get such devastating and stressful news.
Perhaps this is time for YOU to begin severing the ties that seem to so painfully tie you to your parents?
There are all kinds of insurance policies available through your college, you will need to look into them. You say that your father, a doctor, is picking up the tab for your college education anyway. Perhaps you can talk your college into putting the bill for your student rate health insurance with your tuition bill which he seems to be paying, since you often talk about how upset you are to be so dependent on him and how he often questions you about the education he is paying for.
This way it is not a separate bill he has to pay and may forget about. Hopefully even if he forgets to pay his own premium, you will still have coverage through your student plan and I hope it works out that you can tie it into your tuition bills.
Since your Dad does not seem to forget to pay the tuition bill, this may be the best way to proceed from here. This is one more step towards independence for you, as when you graduate you will be in a good position to get your own coverage and won't have to worry about talking to him to transfer from his to anywhere else.
Talk to your doctor about getting your prescriptions for free through a low income plan, that may help also, again one less interaction you have to have with your Dad, and one less chance for him to steal your meds as you have accused him of.
This may give you some peace of mind as your enmeshment with your parents seems to bring you such great distress. It seems to me the more independent you can be from THEM the better you will feel.
You also may consider paying your own way through college as I did. It wasn't easy, but it brought me a great deal of peace of mind and gave me a lot of self esteem to know I was self-made, LOL. Just talk to your finanical aid counselor about any loan/grant package you can get and also start looking into scholarships.
People talk about "the" moment they knew there were a full fledged grownup. For me it was getting my college diploma and knowing I had done it all MYSELF! That was a proud moment for me, and worth every penny of interest and loans I will be paying until he day I die, LOL (ivy legue colleges are EXPENSIVE, LOL)
Just sharing ESH dear, these are all only suggestions, you know what is best for you.
honey, the toughest stepwork i've done has been on step 3. Having to surrender my all to my HP -- having to believe that HP is putting the things in place for me to be guided -- having to be humble, not get what i want, but rather what HP deems i need. it is maddening, humiliating, and humbling -- when i think things aren't going my way, i have to take a step back and turn it over.
with love, always (((S))) cj
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time to stop going to the hardware store to buy bread.
Apparently, the group my dad works for switched insurance policies. Apparently. So I've been told.
Anymore, I just don't know what to believe. But, as Debi said, I'm just having to go with the flow. I don't know what else to do but just give it to god.
