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I am having such a difficult time w/ my son, who's 22, has had 2 dui's prior to 21 years old. He's "trying" to get his life on track according to him, but he won't admit he even has a drinking problem. Yesterday, clear cut rules, he can stay over, but there's absolutely no drinking and IF there is, he's out and can't stay there. Well, of course he drank, denied it when he called me a work. So I get home and there's a bottle of wine opened and 3/4 empty. My husband and I will have a glass of wine every once in a while with dinner. So, I call my boy, and he doesn't deny it. I tell him not to come back, ok, fine.. He calls me this morning like nothing happened. When I remind him of yesterday, he still thinks he can just stay with us. I told him he needs to call this facility in our area and get himself checked into an in-patient program (we've gone over this before).. he says,, I don't know.. I don't know! with no where to live, no where to go because he's burned his bridges with everyone, and he doesn't know??? I'm going to go home, there's a good possiblity he'll be there,, now what? I told him I would bring him to the closeset hospital, they can help him.. We live in a rural area and I know what I should do,, bring him to the closest hospital, like I told him I would do. Am I on the right track?
read my response to helpless mom - my 22 yr old son is an alcholic i need advice
One thing I learned early on is to set boundaries and stick with them. We told our son that his recovery was his not ours to take care of. When he was released from rehab he had to have an address to give them or they would not release him. We gave him one week to find alternate housing and told him that he could not live with us. For one thing he is a slob and I just won't put up with that, for another I could not stand the stress of seeing what he was doing to himself.
When my son called and said "Mom there is something wrong with my brain" I said of course there is your and alcoholic and a drug addict. Your next step will be to go to rehab but that is your decision. You have to decided if you want to continue living the way you are now. Then I left it alone. He had to make the call, see about the arrangements and then call us for a ride there. It was a very long wait for that phone call but it did finally come.
I ended up leaving him on the streets to fend for himself which was very hard to do but I knew if I picked him up and dusted him off again he would only get dirtier the next time he fell. As an oldtimer in AA told me, it doesn't hurt anyone to spend some time under a bridge.
Today my son is doing ok as far as I know. Will he still be ok tomorrow? Only my HP knows the answer to that question. However, I do know that tomorrow I will be ok and I am the only one I can take care of.
HUGS
__________________
Everything I have ever let go of has claw marks all over it.
Been thinking of my children today who are alcoholics and drug addicts. I am becoming much more aware of the "disease" issue here. My son is also bi-polar. Looking at them, I know without a doubt they would not choose to live their lives this way ...that's why I know this is an illness.
When my son lived in our house we had to set some boundaries ...it was tearing us all apart. However, it is not easy to follow through. I took him to the hospital several times but they never kept him and continued to send him back home. He finally went to a local mental hospital but they could only keep him 5 days. The last time he was in there he chose not to come back to our home. In his delusions, he felt we were somehow to blame. He still has not accepted his illness and continues to self medicate. He is 36.
I wish you well and send up prayers for you that your HP will show you the way.
Please take care of yourself and keep coming back.
Christy wrote: We live in a rural area and I know what I should do,, bring him to the closest hospital, like I told him I would do. Am I on the right track?
Absolutely you are. But you can't make him go. If he refuses, telling him to leave your home immediately is fair too. After that, it's his call.
Christy
Well said. I wanted you to know your in my prayers to stay strong. By you sticking to your rules you ARE helping your son. You are doing great! Good job.
