The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Well, I have been missing from here for almost three weeks.... And I have missed you guys so much...
I'm not in any better shape than when I left here. It's been five weeks since my relationship ended, and I'm still in a daze. I am still crying at the most unexpected times. I am feeling anger at the way I have been treated, by someone who I had placed all my trust in. I am also feeling, horrible, I feel like a piece of rubbish, someone has thrown out, because they don't need me anymore. It will take me some time to get over this. I am still within sight of this guy. So thats making it all the harder fro me to let go. I am so very confused at the moment. One minute I tell myself I hate him, and want to hurt him so much. Then when anyone talks about him, (as family do)..(hes not worth it, he's a B you don't need him)... That hurts me, and I know I still love him.
I have been going to f2f, and listening for things that might help me. I have also been on the phone with members. The one thing that is scaring me right now........ Is.... I am NOT in control of my life anymore.. I have been attending the doctor, and am on a higher dose of medication. He told me today, I am just having a hard time accepting this situation, It has affected me in a big way.
I have NO interest in my work.. I have another line for four weeks.. I don't even know if I want to go back. I have also had a few weeks where I didn't want to be here anymore, I didn't care about anything. I only want to sleep and not waken up.
I also know thats a selfish attitude to have. And I have heard the old saying, sitting on the pity pot. Well I'm not.. I am just struggling to COPE with what life has thrown at me. I pray for the guidence to get through this every day. Some people are telling me to get myself out their, find someone new...(lol) No way....
I have broken my heart over and over again for this guy, and It will take a long, long, time to heal, If it ever does.
So Greatful to be back among my friends in here......
Love you all
Ally
P.S I found this poem today (lol) I wrote this for him when he joined AA..... It was for a laugh to cheer him up, I thought I would share it with you..... ( shows how crazy I am lol).
A NEW LIFE
When your down, and feeling low, And there's no-where you can go.
When the world is passing you by, and all you want to do is die.
Just think of life the way it is, and don't go out, on the p**s.
Your not alone in all you do, others feel that way too.
Remember someone's there for you, and wants to help you make it through.
So sit and think for just a while, and when your done, you can smile.
Live your life the way you chose, and live it happily, without the booze.
((Hugs)) & more ((Hugs)) - of course you feel all those things - the way that I understand things is that you are in the middle of GRIEF. You have experienced a huge loss. Loss of a relationship, loss of your dreams, loss of your heart. As we all know there is no magic formula for grief. You have to do the best you can with what you have each day.
I hate that you are going thru this rough time - Wish I had words of great comfort, but probably in the truth of the matter - there is nothing I could say to ease the pain. Only know thing I can give you is what has been given to me - Acceptance.
For me, that is what is great about MIP, our Al-Anon programs and the God of our understanding - we can experience that true unconditional love & acceptance.
Please continue to take care of yourself Ally.
One Day at a Time, Rita
__________________
No matter what me and my God are going to be ok, even better than OK -
(((((ALLY)))) I was sooooo glad to see your name here! And to talk to you in chat. Lady, I know what you are going thru, it hurts. I, too, am always asking myself, why, why, why.... why does love and life have to hurt so much I don't know. I don't have the answer either. I have been where you are, too. Too tired to move, too tired to think. Only problem was I still had to work....not good. Assembling car stereos in tears..not a good thing. Take time to be good to Ally. Take your meds. Listen to your body and to doc. And stay close to alanon. That guy just doesn't know what he's missing, just like my husband doesn't. Sorry you are having to go thru this. You are not alone. There are many, many of us. Even a lot we don't know. Love you. Becky1
Much love for all the pain you are experiencing. I wish there was something I could do.
This is an excerpt from How to Survive the Loss of A Love by Melba Colgrove, Harold Bloomfield and Peter McWilliams.
Seek the support of others
- Gather friends and family. Tell them your pain, they will help. - The telephone is a marvelous tool, use it. - Invite a friend to stay overnight. - Visit a relative or friend at dinnertime. - Neighbors can be wonderful. - Strangers are merely friends you haven't met yet.
help me up my friend.
dust me off.
feed me warmth.
you are comfort.
let me learn on you until I can stand alone.
I will then stand a little taller,
and you will be happy to have a friend such as me.
(((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))), Miss America
__________________
If I am not for me, who will be? If I am only for myself, then who am I? If not now, when?
((((ally))) this time in your life is for new discoveries' .... time to find out new things about your self. there are sooooo many ~new kinds of interests to get into. have 'lift each others spirit ' talks with friends. rule is there is no negative talk. i enjoy these more and more with friends. its ok to find new hobbies. try bicycle riding or just walking among all the bloomimg flowers.... ohhhhhhhh.... lol...it IS March! ***woohoo!!!
You CAN ** enjoy the day - Today. (Blessings from your HP) ***** where you are. your taking care of you! how sooo totally wonderful!
this is the best time in your life. share it with yourself and your HP. (and us.lol.)
its ok to " lighten up." give yourself a lil' no a big!~ break. you've been through a change. a good change. i'm so very proud of you, an'abit jealous~ takes me to remember...i do ok by myself when i am. and i existed just fine before i ever met my AH. i think of alot of wonderful moments~when i was single and on my own. times i will always treasure. well... ally. this is your time. that is sooo great. it can be a truly wonderful time in your life. let it be. let go and let god guide you into the day. into the future. your future. yes, it is ok to relax. and it is ok to see and make the best of this day. each day. make it your day. its ok to feel good about all of this. you've accomplished so much on your own. (please take time to recognize that and give yourself a big pat on the back. plus... An extra ((((big hug)))) from me.
(((ally))) you will get past this. keep on moving forward. live that beautiful life you have been blessed with. get out there and make the best of it. dont have to have a partner....or a boyfriend yet. being single can be a suuper greaat time. make it.
all a matter of attitude facing - not back and down ~ but facing your self... keep looking forward and uP. HPS gotcha!! In our hearts , all that love you here...got ya too!! isnt that a great feeling? i think so!
i love feeling the blessings of the new day being right here for me. each morning. new day. "I" choose what i will do or not do. please consider doing some volunteer work at hmmmmm ...... ALANON! Or spend some special time, even volunteer some time at the local library.....or join a welcomers club. great fun. i love bowling and/or theres always a new tennis or swimming team starting up ..... enjoy a bird watchers club.... so much out there. you know its *time for flowers to begin their bloom, like you~ Ally. its time for all of life to start coming outdoors..... be a part yourself. take that lil bit of time to sit in the park and take in the life all around ** nature is a wonderful thing. there is sooooo much iving to do. eventually think about maybe......a puppy.... orrrr....better yet.,a kitty so you wont be alone in the evenings? you'd have a cuddles friend. or not. i just believe your going to get over this funk line. thats alll it is. keep your thoughts positive. keep thoughts positive. *"thought positive."
((ally))) your going to make it through this! i believe in you. we all do. (((((BiGHuG)))))) keep posting, keep sharing, keeep comin' back. you've friends here.
Keep Looking uP
please to ... take what you like and leave the restfor me.
((ally))) Glad you are back too..sorry you are going through a rough time. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Sure did miss you. Take care of Ally cause she is sure worth it. love ya, rosie
I know one thing that helped me when I got dumped by a guy for a mutual (girl) friend of ours (jerk didn't even have the deceny to tell me he was dumping me for someone else, dumba**!), was writing letters. I wrote to him personally. I wrote to the relationship. It made me feel better. These were of course the kind of letters you don't send. If you don't think it'll help, whatever. I just know it helped me. I'm glad you're here ally. I'm also glad, as twisted as it sounds, that you're in touch with your feelings. You're a special person and you've come so far since you've come here. It's major progress. And I'm so proud of you.
lol...it IS March! ***woohoo!!!
. (and us.lol.)
break. you've been through a change. a good change. i'm so very proud of you,
an'abit jealous~
facing - not 
back and down ~ but facing your self...
i think so! 
kitty so you wont be alone in the evenings? you'd have a cuddles friend. or not. i just believe your going to get over this funk line. thats alll it is. keep your thoughts
we all do. (((((BiG
HuG))))))
leave the restfor me.