The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am still struggling w/the whole detachment thing. All through this ordeal w/my AH, I have concentrated on just getting through....surviving each day. I have worked so hard to Let Go and Let God. He did his thing and I did mine w/the kids. Now that he is gone, it is like I am missing that part of my life.....him, the ordeal. I guess it just consumed me even though I pretended it didn't. And now that he isn't around for me to deal with, I'm bored. Hmm. Weird.
My phone rang last night as soon as I had walked out the door to pick up my son from karate. My first instinct was to run back in & catch it just in case it was my AH or his mom telling me the latest update on his where abouts. But I didn't. I took a deep breath and said that if it was important, they would leave a message. And if it was SOMEBODY important, like my family, they would try my cell phone when they didn't get an answer at the house. I reckon it was a sales call b/c neither of those 2 things happened.
I decided last night that I am going to start taking karate w/my son. I am going to get my daughter involved in it too. It will be great exercise, take up the time where I get bored and relieve some bottled up tension and anger. I just have to work on getting started.....big step for me.
Ok. I better go for now. Thanks for listening and for being here for me. Y'all are the best. Sincerely, QOD
I think you should give yourself a pat on the back - one for dealing with the emotions that you are having concerning your AH, his leaving, the emptiness. That is a recovery oriented way of handling these feelings rather than stuffing or reacting. I think we would all have tons of different emotions involved with that situation. Getting them out, facing them, feeling them & letting them go - that's what works for me.
Another reason you deserve a pat on the back is that you are making choices to "Live & Let Live" For me, I began to do the second part of this slogan, but not the first - I didn't let myself "Live" - You are "Living" Starting karate, letting the phone ring - going on with life - Taking care of you and your children. That is awesome recovery.
Love & Hugs, Rita
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No matter what me and my God are going to be ok, even better than OK -
your post really made me feel good....to hear your honesty with your emotions, your awareness of past reactions and your different reaction this time(ie not racing to the phone), the involvement with karate with your family seems so healthy in so many ways. sounds like you are really working this well....you should be proud of yourself. remember to take it easy on you when a moment is hard...and remember what progress you have made. all these little steps are really the ones that count for me. for me today it was getting up and out of the house and on with the day even tho my boyfriend was depressed and couldn't get out of bed...my kids and i went to the ymca and swam. that felt huge for me...a little later i teared up with stress as i heard his voice sounding shakey on the phone when he called later in the day to check in...his state of mind really rattles me...but i was doing what felt good to me....
good work with your detaching...thanks for sharing. love, fifi
Sounds like a healthy plan of interacting with the kids and getting some exercise at the same time. I have read and experienced for myself that when the chaos or that one thing that seemed to consume my time and attention was gone, I felt like there was an empty hole inside of me. I can remember going through withdrawels of my own, withdrawels of the chaos. I didn't know what to do with myself. Like you I began finding things eventually to fill my mind and time with, they were much healthier than the all consuming thoughts of another person. Its easy for me to go back there with my AH, its almost habit, so I have to catch myself when I begin thinking too much about one thing or one person and force myself to focus and think on something positive that I want in my life. Keep up the good work, you will feel better soon.
Peace, Twinmom~
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"The people who don't mind matter and the people who mind, don't matter". (Dr. Seuss)
You're doing great! I have felt so overwhelmed lately because I was used to feeling bored and empty and started doing things to fill that up and sometimes I feel over full. I know EXACTLY what you mean when you say you feel bored now, you crave the chaos even though it hurts you. I am feeling much better now without it. They say time heals all wounds and it's true just get busy really busy and pretty soon it will all be a distant memory!
