(((barb)))

No one can say for sure what they would do in a situation until they are in it.  I cannot say that I blame you for not letting go of the anger right now or ever for that matter.  But what you do need to do is work on you, your recovery and don't beat yourself up for the anger you feel.  You are entitled to it.  Help you son through his recovery too, even if he is grown now....(I don't know how old he is now or when this all occurred) but I am sure that whether it is a recent or further in the past, it will always be a raw nerve that needs to nurtured and soothed for all involved.  Good luck to you and your family.  You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Sincerely,
QOD

 I read in a book written for professionals that are in training to work with incest survivors that forgiveness is a bizarre committment for incest. I really like how they put it so I'm gonna paraphrase it. "Some how, it seems, even though the Victim was violated in the most unnatural way, we as society expect them to find it in their hearts to 'forgive.' We as society expect the victim to see this person that has taken away their entire lives and left them with a shell of themselves to 'accept.' We expect that this Victim will come to see how 'sick' this person is, and realize how 'pained' this person is. In reality, if the perpetrator had murdered, raped, stalked or robbed this victim, we would expect quite different things; indeed, we would not pressure the victim for forgiveness, nor would we even attempt to redress them for the oceans of feelings that they process, saying 'I can only imagine how you must feel.' We innapropriately pressure incest victims to forgive well before the time of their abilities, and, consequently, wonder why it is they still bubble with rage. Forgiveness, as defined by webster, is to lessen a hurt. This implies that, as time goes on, pain is halved over and over and over again, until such point that the person feels no ill will toward their others. furthermore, there is no 'name' that we give these perpetrators; people that kill others are murderers; people that steal from others are theives; people that break into other's homes are robbers. But we have no name for what this role is that this perpetrator took on in relationship to this victim. And yet we expect the victim to empathize for the most unnatural of actions that was taken against them and forgive their aggressor for it."
 When I read this entry, I cried. this was how I had felt toward my father my entire life.
 I still haven't forgiven my father. I don't know if Iwill. I know the day will come when I don't feel a need to hate him. I've come to accept that the incest happened, it wasn't my fault and that there was nothing I could have done to stop it.
 But as far as forgiveness?
 That's God's territory.

It seems to me that any forgiveness you do find will be for your own sake - a way to set down the bitter anger and find some peace for yourself.  I do believe that forgiveness eases the one who forgives. However, a 'forced' forgiveness, given because you 'should', would be pretty useless in this regard, and I can't see any reason to pursue it.

If you are honestly working on your own part in this, whatever it may be, and allowing yourself to feel what you really do feel, then I think that eventually, whatever forgiveness your own soul feels is necessary will come, in its own time.