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My AH is still at my house. I think he has been working hard to pull his nerve up to ask his stepdad if he can come stay with him and work on recovery. I told him this is what he needs to do....that staying at my house w/the kids is NOT going to help him help himself.
Anyway - my little dog has been sick the last few days w/diariah and it has been horrible. We have him closed off in the bathroom to minimize the mess. My AH has been handling it really well. Cleaning up the messes, bathing the dog, taking him out often etc. Well today he was going to meet me at our daughter's preschool for a Valentine's Day Party. He told her this morning he'd be there at 11:00. At 10:30 he called me all in a tizzy. He said the dog had gotten sick really bad, so he bathed him, scrubbed down the bathroom and put the blankets & towels in the wash. Then he went upstairs to take a shower & when he got in, all he got was COLD WATER. This threw him for a loop. So he called me, worried that he wouldn't make it to the party in time. He said he was working hard to calm his nerves.
I told him that it was ok. That the water heater is old and small and I have run out of hot water before too. And I knew I'd have to replace the heater sooner than later and if it is now, I am prepared for it...so not to worry. And I let him know that if it was just out of hot water, it would heat up soon and he could hop right in. I would tell our daughter that he'd be a little late and she would be fine with that. I managed to calm him down enough I think and he got to the party only 10 minutes late. He seemed to have a nice time while there although I could tell his nerves were still frazzled a bit. He went home afterwards and rested to calm his nerves.
I talked to him a little while after the party and he said he tried calling his stepdad but he wasn't home. And he said he had a few other calls to make to try to get a job lined up.
He did just call me and said that he picked our son up after school and they ran to the grocery store. He bought lots of stuff for dinners and snack foods for the kids. I reckon I have kept the grocery down to a minimum for the last few weeks b/c he hasn't been there and it doesn't take much to feed just me & the kids. He said he had thought about ordering up Chinese Food for me for dinner and having it ready for me when I got home from work. I had actually thought about treating myself to that same thing but wasn't sure I wanted to spend the money. And as far as money goes.....I am sure he just put the groceries right on his credit card that is near it's limit. It is great that he is thinking of the family but aggrivating b/c I told him he needed to reserve that last bit on his card for when he needs it - things like gas, etc. I won't be giving him any money...and he doesn't have a job...so he should spend his only access to money on groceries. Of course, I guess it is better to spend it on food for the family vs on crack and on his crack friends.
Do I sound bitter? I am feeling a little bitter today I think. I can never pinpoint how I am feeling. Never quite put my finger on it. It must be b/c it is Valentine's. Who knows. I guess I am frustrated about the fact that such a small incident this morning w/the dog & hot water got my AH so worked up. I am glad he called me for support to work through it but in the same token - Come On, Get Real....You Want Stress? I have stress. It just seemed like he was making a mountain out of a mole hill. I guess it was this disease working on him. And I know I don't have a CLUE what it is like to have an addiction b/c I don't have any addictions.....Obsessions - sure but not addictions. So I don't understand the uncontrollable cravings, urges and raw nerves that have him all tied up in knots. I am trying but it is just so frustrating.
So I am now asking my HP to help me find understanding, help me go home this evening and find some peace in the evening and help me keep things running smooth so everyone is happy tonight, help me with my struggles, put on a happy face & FAKE IT TILL I MAKE IT.
Thanks everyone for listening. Y'all are the best. :) Sincerely QOD
When I was ready (it took quite some years), I began attending AA meetings. It was very eye opening for me, and I learned so much. It's one thing when A's are working on recovery and yet quite another when they are not.
Not much ESH but wanted to give you a hug and let you know it's good to talk about your feelings.
yours in recovery, Maria123
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If I am not for me, who will be? If I am only for myself, then who am I? If not now, when?
LOL! I have to side with your hubby here. If I had to be somewhere in 30 min, the dog crapped all over, I had to clean up the mess, clean the bathroom and wash towels..and I hadn't even taken a shower yet... Let alone when I finally got to the shower it was cold water! With breaking a promise to be at the party looming over his head. The hell he'd catch if he didn't make it. The disappointment he would cause. All this while fending off his addiction.
Quote: I guess I am frustrated about the fact that such a small incident this morning w/the dog & hot water got my AH so worked up.
Are you kiddin me?
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
I can really relate. Sometimes I feel overwhelmed with the A's needs. There is little room for mine. I can get super resentful of it. That's one reason why for me its so essential to have people in my life I go to each day to talk about what I'm dealing with. The A has never been "there" for me. He may never be. I can stop resenting him so much if I get my needs met. elsewhere. At the same time I do get fed up some times with his totallyunreal expectations and needs.
Sounds to me like you are hangin' tough! Good for you! It can be hard as we all know. With my A, as I can imagine it may be with yours, his nerves could get frazzled b/c he still had alcohol in his system for days after a binge. I never expected him to have it together after one. I think my own nerves could de-frazzle just because he quit his binge! And while he was sort of freaking out over the small stuff, I could quietly do whatever b/c it needed to be done. I usually didn't say anything in the way of calming him down unless it interfered with something that was on my own agenda because I thought he needed to see himself. And I think he then he was seeing one of the results of his addiction - can't handle a lot in a drying out phase. I hope your A's step-dad will allow him to stay there at least for a while if you and he think it will help things. After my A's last binge, thanks to my own journey with Al-Anon and learning, I was able to be supportive in his desire to help himself especially b/c he has not been living in our home but in a small rental unit nearby. So lately it has done some good but his recovery is up to him. Mine up to me. And coming here to "talk" and vent has been a huge help for me!......Keep on keeping on, QOD! you're doing good!....jaja
