The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Last Saturday I attended one of my favorite alanon meetings and had coffee with people afterwards. I used to say hi to members after, but bolt home to be with A. I have tried to to connect to other "people", parents at my daughters school...only to find addicts who wanted someone to cling to. I recently had another mom try to peer pressure me into going out drinking with her, she would call 1-2 times a week late at night wanting my A to watch our kids so that we could go out (which never happened). Thank god for alanon, because I quickly set up some strong boundaries. However when she had brought my daughter into it, that my daughter would be exposed to drugs and alcohol at some point in her life and that I couldn't protect her forever. I replied with "If I allow my daughter to be around people who are using recklessly then I am telling her that it is ok. This is what I choose for my daughter and I have that right as her parent." The conversation went on and not in a good way. For my own sanity I cut the relationship along with other relationships that were very similar. I started feeling very alone and isolated. But through my meetings I have found safety in outside activities. I have decided that I will take my saturday morning members up on dancing Saturday evenings. This is a big step for me and I am actually looking forward to it. This isn't an alanon function, just going out with other members for some fun. The other thing is, you don't have a partner and you are constantly changing dance partners, another thing out of my comfort zone. What a concept doing things for me without guilt attached to it or doing things to take care of someone else!!!!!!
Riley: You are an inspiration to me to get out of my comfort isolation zone. I can relate to rushing home to the A. I never know what the A will do next. Right now he is talking about moving 100 something miles away. He can't even afford to go to the interview never mind move but he is one big impulse. I am not even going to entertain that one. He takes me totally for granted!
I have put so many of my own needs and issues outside for the A. I am tired of it. I am ready to break out of isolation come what may. I am working on increasing my support network. 5 people is the goal. So far I've met one prospective candidate.
I have four more to go.
Please keep us up to date on how things go for you.
yeah, I need to get out of my comfort zone too. I met a female at class today, she is very nice and we have alot in common. She hinted that she wanted to do something after class or study at my house and I backed away. I am very insecure about my home life, and I know from experience that my AH scares people off. The people that have come into my little circle tend to have more problems than I do and are thereore not that judgemental. Here I am making your post about me. The point is that I can relate and am happy for you. Do a little dance for me! Jamie
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I'm like a pinch of tea...put me in hot water and see how strong I can be.
I desperately need to do something for me. I am helping to take care of my elerdy parents. Dad is bedfast with MS. My brother that is MI is coming tommorrow from the hospital. i have been with my parents for 3 weeks. Our brother went on vacation and would not leave a phone number.
The A I live with also scares people away. I don't socialize much with him. At times he can be charming. At other times he is one huge pain in the neck. I spend a lot of time online. I try to find recovery partners. Recently I found a new one. I am more open about some of my issues. I try not to focus on the ones with the A because I burn people out with that.
I do know the focus on self care helps. I also set goals. goals for the weekend, goals for me, focus on me really really helps. I also work really really hard at just letting his stuff slide off me. The more I can not walk on eggshells the better. I know it is very very very difficult to live around an A, they are totally self absorbed and very very selfish.
