The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
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information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I was just thinking........Ok, so I don't care any more that my AH is gone. Life seems more peaceful at home without him. The kids seem more at ease. Not that he is violent or aggressive at home....b/c he is not. Usually he is just sleeping, or watching tv. Once in a while he gets pissed b/c he feels left out of the disciplining our kids and tries to step in...and that causes some panties to get bunched up. The kids don't understand it when dad starts getting all strict w/them and then turns around & wants to play and pal around & then gets strict all over again. It confuses them. Hell, it confuses my dog too. LOL
So I was thinking....if he would just disappear, taking all his crap w/him - clothes, tools, junk laying all around, bills, etc., then I would be able to sort through what is left and do as I wish with it. That would be so nice.
So yea, to earlier questions, how would I feel if he were completely gone? RELIEVED I think. I mean, he really isn't offering me anything right now. When he is home, there is so much tension. I am walking on eggshells to keep from upsetting him & sending him off on another binge. He is always wanting sex...and as far as affection goes, if he isn't getting sex, well then there is no affection. I am sure many of us know how that game is played. I can't even get a hug w/out him turning it into sex. And I don't want that.
So yea - let him go away. Permanent Vacation. That way I can sift through the mess he leaves behind and be done w/it.
Thanks for all of y'alls help & advice. Now I just have to get the nerve up to put all of this thought into action. That is the tough part. Keeping my resolve. Pray for me to have the strength to do what needs to be done. "Look out cliff - I think I am about to push my AH right over you!" Or at least whenever he finally turns up this time.
Talk about confusing the kids and dog: my ex (A) one time got drunk and I watched him call the dog over, say good dog, then *kick* it and tell it to go away. Then tell it to come and say 'bad dog' then kick it away. This was a *rottweiler* puppy too. The saddest thing too is that dog ended up having to be put down not long after that due to a hip displasia and guess what my ex cried over that. He couldn't even remember (or at least he denies) doing it.
I'd like to say I'd be happy if my ex went away for good, but won't say for fear of the 'karma'. Just him, nobody else. He wouldn't have to die or anything, just go away and be self-destructive somewhere else!
One time when things were really bad, before I left him, I used to think about putting laxatives in his beer or fly spray in his weed. But I was always too afraid he'd get seriously sick and I'd get sent to jail or something. Or he'd catch me and he'd try to get me back. The worst I ever did was scrub the toilet with his toothbrush. And I threw out a bottle opener his dead grandfather gave him. I also thought about offering him more and more beer til he gets to the point where he passes out then write 'alcoholic' on his forehead, or til he needs to get his stomach pumped or something. I never did any of these things, but hey I'm allowed to dream. Now I'm not with him I just hope he leaves our son out of it. They are truly sick in the head and I think it would only take a severe physically adverse reaction to get a negative reinforcement from beer for them (ie. they feel sick to their stomach everytime they see a beer). Hey, it works with tequila!
Make a list of the things you resolve to do about this situation. Call them your goals. Then cross them off as you accomplish them. Tangible way to see progress.
Stay strong, you will know when the time is right to do what you have to do.
I have a good story. With the A before this current one *sigh* *rolling eyes* He ran off with some girl once and the moment I figured out what had happened I had a HUGE garage sale. Gues what I sold??? That's right ALL his crap!! The rest went to the thrift store. As far as bills, with my most recent A I ignored his and paid mine! You have how many kids? You're getting how much support? He's out spending his money on what right now??? You know you have a right to be angry about what is happening, you don't just have to tolerate it and be stepped on. Time to look out for #1 (that's you by the way not him in case you forgot). LOL
o ya as for the cliff, he jumped, you're not pushing remember?
I agree with making the list, it can be liberating to cross things off! You are on the road girl, just keep it between the lines. We are all here for you! We have people that are alone and that have withered the storm, so don't ever give up, some one is here to pull you up by your shirt tails and put you back in the drivers seat when you need it, no matter what happens.
oh I forgot to hug the dog the other day [[[[dog]]]]]
Josey
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Julianne - It's best to move on. You cannot look back in anger in life. It's too short
