The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Ah has left me no choice. I used to recieve foodstamps when he was a full blown alcoholic because he hoarded money so I had to go after him for child support, well.......he's doing it again. He leaves me "just enough" to pay the bills and thinks he deserves whatever he wants.....now mind you, I have three children 6,5,5. So I am going down and filing for child support and foodstamps and he's going to have to figure out how to pay it. The divorce papers are out. He was sober seven months............he can't quit. He uses the excuse "I can't stay sober without you and the kids" (he can't work in our town because his profession is only on the other coast four hours away so we can not be there and I will not move for an alcoholic) I hate hate hate to pull the "B***ch" card out but if I don't then I am showing him I will settle for whatever finances he "allows" us to have. No way, I bust my butt alone with these kids. I do cubscouts, volenteer, work as a substitute, take them to gymnastics, make sure home work and house work is all done. I fix everything in this house. I haven't had a/c for six months..........I am done taking whatever he feels like giving us. He can kiss my booty. He doesn't even see his children anymore. No more Mrs. Nice girl. I guess it's time he pays for his actions. Things can't get anyworse.
Hi Friend! For what i's worth, it really helps me to here about your hard times and how you cope. I think you are very strong and smart, obviously an excellent parent. Jamie
__________________
I'm like a pinch of tea...put me in hot water and see how strong I can be.
You're not pulling out a B card! Your children are ENTITLED to financial support from a parent who's working! Their father has a responsiblity to support them and having that handled by the court system makes sure they get it. I live on the east coast, and in my state, child support is not voluntary. When a couple is divorced, the judge looks at income and uses a formula to determine what the KIDS get - because it's not for you, it's for THEM. My three kids are 7-1/2, 6 and 4. I filed for divorce, too, in September. Unfortunately, my AH hasn't been working. He's in rehab now for a year, so I won't be seeing any money. But when the divorce goes through, I couldn't even refuse child support even if I wanted to. As far as the state is concerned, as their father, he's got a financial responsibility to them. And they're going to make sure he lives up to it.
His actions have consequences. It is not being a bitch, to stop shielding him from that. Keep an eye on your motives, to make sure you are not being vindictive, but are doing what you truly think is best for the kids, and then let it go. How he deals with this is not your problem.
I agree with the other posts...you are not being a b!tch. You are taking care of your children and yourself. And, unfortunetly, if he doesn't feel that obligation on his own then you need to do what you need to do. Stay strong.
I just did the same thing a few weeks ago. Unfortunately they are not very big on collecting support here and he told me this weekend that they are insisting on a paternity test (I find that unlikely more likely HE is) he has said over and over that I would get more by not doing that and it will affect his job he'll look like a loser who doesn't support his kids but really it's for their benefit because I'll take excuses and the state wont!! And that's what it comes down to for me. I may get less but at least I'll get it steadily.
Carolinagirl, I think they all say "you'd get more if you didn't go through the courts"....blah blah blah. They just probably know that we can get their DL's suspended, or they go to court if they don't pay, ect.....There is so much we can do if they do not pay. Definitly get it through the courts! IF they do not exercise their rights as a parent by visiting them then they can lose them!
Thank you everyone. It's really hard to stay within the lines when it comes to my emotions and my children. I have tried so hard to do things the civil way. I swore I would never be one of those bitter divorced parents who use the children against the other. SO it's really hard to do for them and not make it a reward for ah's behavior.
