The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My grandmother invited my 9 year old and I over for dinner this evening. She made a beef stew to be placed over egg noodles. My daughter didn't understand the concept, so I explained it to her. She said she did not want beef stew. So my grandmother started having a fit because she wanted everything to go her way. This is typical in my family. Children were not allowed to express their opinions or have choices. My daughter then proceeds to say that she wanted to put butter on her noodles. My grandmother yelled, "Will you just shut up!". I immediately said, "Don't you talk to her that way". She got very quiet and pissed and walked away. I will not tolerate someone telling my child to shut up. There is no rhyme or reason for someone to speak to anyone like that, especially someone smaller. I have put up with this behavior all my life and I'm not taking it anymore. I don't care if someone never speaks to me again. I will die by myself before I allow someone to scream at me or my kids.
What you said is very true, There is no need for screaming at anyone, especially someone smaller than you. I too grew up with a lot of that... it's painful. For some it makes carrying on the tradition easy, for me it made me vow to do everything I could to not do that.
Everyone has their demons, doesn't mean you have to subject yourself to it.
You are in my thoughts.
Take care of you!
__________________
"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
That's so frustrating for you two. Yeah, that would not be acceptable for me either. Good for you for standing up for your DD.
I see that old school mentality in a lot of things my DH does as well with the kids....."my way or the highway" thoughts. I think that's so outdated and just plain rude! But I have gotten him to soften up a bit. He's definitely not an ogre, but he just thinks like his grandfather. I agree with him there was much more respect given back then, but I think it's born out of fear and I'd never wish that on any child, kwim???
Thank you for your support. I am not getting the silent treatment because I have changed and don't tolerate unacceptable behavior. My therapist warned me that my family would not welcome my assertiveness. It makes them look at themselves and what they are doing. I always had to be the quiet one, so I had to lie down and be a doormat. Somehow that doormat is fading away.
