Al-Anon Family Group - Al-Anon Family Group

Iko · Iko

Last night I had a talk with A. I told him I had been thinking a lot and since he is continuing to drink, I needed some boundaries. I gave him a few and explained that they are for ME. I was not placing blame, or making him out to be a bad guy, just that I needed them in order for me to function better within the r...

debilyn · debilyn

wear overalls to my sons wedding? And bring Tavish with a nice bow on him? Ok this is raw and gross.the truth I woke up from a night of nightmares. One huge long one. I wrote it in my journal to get it out.It was very bad. I called mac and told him I just cannot do this p...

HadEnuff · HadEnuff

Hi - I'm new here. I've lived with an alcoholic for almost 11 years. I've been emotionally and verbally abused - had all of my boundaries knocked down, and am finally understanding that it isn't about me. I think I always knew it wasn't but I was so caught up in it, that I couldn't think clearly. We are now s...

debilyn · debilyn

I hope of all places I can say this here. It is true everyone here I love in my family is dead or moved far away. mostly they are dead. I hate the disease/A. I hate him so much. I cannot feel love anymore. I cannot feel the way I did when we got married anymore. It is so gone. I always wished it would go away...

Powerless · Powerless

Last night I planned a really romantic evening for my husband to show him I appreciate all of the hard work he has put into getting off of drugs by detoxing at home and working a program. When he got home all of the lights were out and I had candles burning. At one point he turned on a lamp in the b...

CindyR · CindyR

THis is my first time in the chat room. My brother in law is so sick I'm not sure he can survive alcohol detox. He's drinking 24 hours a day. He is 41 and living with his mother who buys the liquor because 'having him at home and cooking for him' (although he's pretty much stopped eating) is her way of helping...

Ria · Ria

Hi everyone

I suffer from Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and have done for many years. It follows a pattern of relapse and remittance. I have applied the tools of the program where I can to my illness. I have accepted the impact of profound debilitation seriously reducing the quality of...

paintthinnr · paintthinnr

I haven't posted in awhile, but I have been reading and keeping up with you all. I have kind of crawled in a hole the past couple weeks. Haven't gone to meetings or talked much. I found out last thursday that a man I have known for five years and was once close friends with stole my ident...

flintfeet · flintfeet

my family has always enabled my father by doing everything for him. we would go to the bank, grocery store, pay his bills,...ect. he just pawned everything off on everyone around him. he knew we would never leave him homeless without food. he took advantage of that. he had such bad credit that no one wou...

twinmom2 · twinmom2

In previous posts I have talked about my anger and my worry. Living with an alcoholic or with someone who has mental health and is out of control can be so overwhelming that the other people in the home can't help but hold on tight and bear another blow of bad news. I have lived my life like thi...

debilyn · debilyn

Well as some know I gave the A a chance, allowing him to stay in my rental and cont. with its fixing up. The rental is on the corner of my property. My son had patched every hole in the place and they were ready to texture and paint. A was drunk last night. I said you are already blowing it. Well now this mor...

maresie · maresie

Yesterday the A called me and told me he was in the hospital with a suspected heart attack. Now keep in mind that the A was sick most of last y ear and I footed all the bills for months on end. Subsequently I had to go to the hospital and he did not even return my calls. And keep in mind tha...

rtexas · rtexas

I have been reading alot about this because it is definitely something I use alot, but I don't want it to be counter-productive (or cruel). When my A has an off color comment I try to smile and keep doing what I'm doing, not grunt and stomp off. Sometimes it is not that clear cut. She is very...

kspear · kspear

Hi all. As you know I am new. I've heard a few times now about detaching. Can someone please explain what that is? Thanks so much - Karen

debilyn · debilyn

Oh thank you for all the funny responses. WE all need to giggle ya know? i have always wanted to have an alanon camp out here. I have room for RVs tents whatever. There is a river to play in and a great golf course right down the road. You can golf and have eagles flying over you. so cool. There ar...

sim1kag · sim1kag

I am new to this..... Been divorced for over a year now and my exhusband the "A" is still battling me over every little thing. He was ordered to attend AA for 6months twice a week and both of us to undergo alchohol evaluations. Mine came out that i needed to attend Al-Anon for a minimum of a y...

Jeannie · Jeannie

I taught gymnastics for 25 years. I got my degree in PE and training in order to continue with it. I taught but never took any responsibility in the gym as I had young children (they came to work with me) and my hubsbands drinking, caused some problems, as well as my attitudes about it. I retired from the...

Cilla · Cilla

I just read the statement in a previous post (thanks John), that "hurt people, hurt people". I though how true that is. After being away from my alcoholic for a few years and getting some "quality time" with myself, I had found that when I was feeling fustrated I would automatically think...

Friendofyours · Friendofyours

If I don't get some help I am going to ruin my marriage. After seven years of him drinking and us being seperated for four years he's back and now he's been sober for five months. Now for some reason he's sober and I'm a ragine lunatic. I have this thing in my head that I am going to make him suffer now that he's...

bobump · bobump

Since I've had three members of my family evaluated and treated for them this month, I know anecdotally what they are, but didn't know the real definition. Interesting reading I found included Evaluation and Treatment of Patients with Suicidal Ideation p://www.aafp.org/afp/990315...

pixel04 · pixel04

I've learned a lot in Alanon about enabling. I've been looking at my part in it and what I can do about it. I'm trying to figure out what to do when it's my husband who is enabling, and his choices would affect both of us. My husband's brother recently got divorced. In that process he lost his part in his fa...

Karilynn · Karilynn

((((((((((((((Family)))))))))))), This was the gift of the day from Hazeldon. Love it and had to share it with you. "The natural flight of the human mind are not from pleasure to pleasure, but from hope to hope." - Samuel Johnson - THE POWER OF OPTIMISM A truly powerful force in th...

debilyn · debilyn

I have heard this from others and now I see two more people feeling left out. What I always say is it is ok to ask for what you need. Most all of us here are in chao's or maybe our heads are full of marbles. Raising my hand!!!! (c: Anyway yes being in pain makes us say things in a different way than if w...

rosie light shines · rosie light shines

You are reading from the book Today's Gift </OA_HTML/ibeCCtpItmDspRte.jsp?item=2121>. It feels so good to cry. . . . --Susan Cygnet Some of us were taught that it's bad to express our feelings directly--crying, wailing, jumping up and down for joy--that it's good manners to talk s...

Jennifer · Jennifer

Hello all, I just watched a movie that reminded me of being a kid and the dreams I had, grand dreams, little dreams, pure imagination dreams. Anything from building a wooden box to being a fairy princess, some I followed through on (the wooden box) others did not pan out (fairy princess thing). I'm...

holly123 · holly123

I know I probably have no right to say this but I will, I haven't been here in a long time but I never really felt much support from the members here. It discourages me to post here only to see people read the posts and not reply. I may be feeling this discouragement only because I am having a really h...

Juster · Juster

I am still pretty new here and spend most of my time reading everyone's posts to try to get a feel for what everyone else is going through. The feeling I am getting is that as far as having hope for our A's possible recovery, it is usually a false hope. For us, our future is one of trying to simpl...

rosie light shines · rosie light shines

i got asked the strangest ??? i got asked if i was quoting al-anon lit........well, when i post i use 12 step oriented stuff, like courage to change...hope for today.....aa stuff, lots of stuff but 12 steps for sure OR i just post a vent/ or pain/ or ??? / or esh request / or...

sdisnie · sdisnie

I've been out of internet for a while, but I'm back and happy to be back on this site. For those of you who have followed my story and helped me through those difficult times, Thank you! The times I got on here to post, or listen or read helped me tremendously and I couldn't have made it without...

holly123 · holly123

Hi Everyone, Its been a very long time since I was here and I am hitting my bottom so here I am. For about 2 1/2 months now I have been doing weight watchers and focusing much of my energy on that, I was feeling good and loosing weight but that old anger and resents are still there waiting, e...

QOD · QOD

I am curious about a few things. Maybe some of y'all can help with this puzzle. My husband told me in Nov 05 that he was using coke and had been for close to a year. Imagine my shock? We've been married for 13 years w/2 beautiful children. I have stuck to this marriage through his affairs and partyi...

Rebecca · Rebecca

Hi guys... it feels like i havent been here in years. the past few weeks have been "eventful" to say the least. i was communicating with my "A" as in going to his place to chat, give him words of encouragement etc... even tho he was drinking and taking tabs. i sat back one night when i came home and reali...

d53sjurne · d53sjurne

Taking Care Of Self ?????? Is it taking care of self when you learn how to put all the focus on self ? What is it we are to do to do this? I have wondered about what the limits and boundaries and other things involved in doing this are. Are we supposed to do this to learn something and to be able t...

jrtjosey · jrtjosey

My husband has accepted that we are leaving and we had a civil conversation about who gets what and are using the same attorney. No snags so far. What an awesome program, I could have never done this a year ago. Will sit down next week, about details after State Wrestling and visit...

rosie light shines · rosie light shines

i found this in a 12 steps thing, na, i think.....anyway, it triggered me to share something i had to accept.... God's Gift Our relationship with our Higher Power is a two-way street. In prayer, we speak and God listens. When we meditate, we do our best to listen f...

confused · confused

Looking for ESH. As most of you know, my A husband and I have been separated for a little of 3 months. I have begun to work a strong program, regular meetings, sponsor, small amounts of service work, reading CAL literature, frequent contact with program people etc... I feel much stronger...

marmare · marmare

The Air Force is sending my son home from Iraq for 2 weeks to spend some quality time with my mother...I take this as a blessing. We don't know how fast her cancer will spread or how fast her health will deteriote. My mother in-law fronted me money to get my daughter in-law and the grandkids home f...

Becky1 · Becky1

Am looking for a sponsor. Am fairly new to Alanon, have been addicted to this chatroom and board since end of Dec. 2005, and it has helped me cope. I am wanting today to stay in the marriage with my A. Not sure what direction that is headed, but for today I want to stay. Not too sure about him. I would pref...

Lindy · Lindy

I haven't been on here in a long time. My AH is working again (out of town), but I think it's helping things. He has no time to get drunk during the week, which is kind of funny for me. He is working ten hours a day. I only see him on weekends, where of course he makes up for his not drinking during the week, but it...

Iko · Iko

so few anwers in my head. I feel like the insanity of being married to an A is coming back. I need to ask....what is considered unacceptable behavior? what do you tell the A who exhibits unacceptable behavior? My A keeps making empty promises about EVERYthing, not just his drinking, ie, '...

abbyal · abbyal

When someone asked me that question many yrs ago i thought she was nuts, and said what kind of a question is that of course I am ready . then she said can i ask you some questions ??? I said sure go ahead ( still thinking she was nuts) Do understand the disease of alcoholism / how it work...

abbyal · abbyal

hi John Was suprised to see service worker under ny post , thank you . I was so worried kept watching for guru to turn up and wouldn't have liked that one bit . no guru here. service worker is so much nicer. thanks

twinmom2 · twinmom2

The last couple of days I have been thinking and believing in the power of prayer. Someone gave me a book called "The Power of the Praying Wife" by Stormie Omartian. This book is based for the woman who has committed to praying for her husband/partner. She talks about personal expe...

kitty · kitty

When I come to the Board, I either come to share or I come looking for inights. When I come looking for insights, it is to find a "title" that grabs my attention that will mirror what I am feeling at that moment... sometimes it is extreme anger or fear; working the Program; something f...

sandie123 · sandie123

The definition of abandonment is: To withdraw one's support or help from, especially in spite of duty, allegiance, or responsibility; desert. I have never had much of trust in others being there for me, for fear of abandonment. There have been the times that I have allowed myself t...

debilyn · debilyn

Incompetant justice system. A's attorney is a flake as is the courst. A went to court ready to go into jail and get it over with. Looking forward to being in a routine environ and being in AA in there. The stupid attorney and DA were not prepared so they put it off until April 20th. So now A has nowhe...

JulieLynn · JulieLynn

First of all I would like to thank everyone that responded to my last two post. If it weren't for this board and my HP somedays I don't know if I could handle everyday life. It has been 2 weeks and 3 days since I heard from my A husband. Like I said before, this is the time that I really need to wo...

kspear · kspear

Hi all, This might sound like a strange question, but how do you know when it's enabling instead of good parenting? I decided not to let my son get a driver's license until he could pay for it himself, including insurance. He is now 18 and still does not have a license, just got his first jo...

d53sjurne · d53sjurne

I have the want and desire to be able to talk(and write)in a manner that is held to be an ideal. With

and

in all that I say and express in a nonverbal way. Unfortunately I was raised in a dysf family and stayed and worked in the family busness because I couldn't figure out how to make it out in the...

maresie · maresie

I have been working a lot on my work issues and working on not being overinvolved at work. In doing my family of origin work I can see my family of origin has always been this stew of muddy boundaries, blurred boundaries, second guessing and more. I have transferred that way of relating t...

ditto · ditto

I am thinking of moving to a different state. I would be moving over 1000 miles. I have a house full of furniture that is older and has made several moves with me... 5 in the last 5 years. During each move more and more scratches and dents appear. I don't know that I am particularly attached...

Powerless · Powerless

My day started off badly today with my daughter throwing my puppy and breaking his neck. My sister-in-law, her husband and my son went to my daughter's us stop today as planned. They live about an hour to an hour and a half from me. She appeared excited to see them. My S-I-L ask...

Robinks · Robinks

As an acoa and alanon living and growing up with alcholics, the craziness was always there. The confusion, the lies, the decet, the controlling. Today, I am having a really hard time. Some of you have heard about my issues with my crazy neighbors and civic association. We have built a carport which i...

hudsond · hudsond

Today fear is eating at me. I'm not completely eaten up with it, but I have this constant--"what is going to come?" in my mind. Nothing huge has changed! My a isn't going to meetings, isn't really working his program, I know he is using but he doesn't come home all messed up. We...

rosie light shines · rosie light shines

Today's thought is: No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. --Eleanor Roosevelt In this moment, we are the best we can be. Today, we can work at loving the best in ourselves and not fearing the worst. We are truly wonderful and growing people with gifts and qualities that make u...

jeeves · jeeves

Hello All, I have been seeing a therapist to help me get through the daily, hourly issues that arise from living with an alcoholic wife. He has had some great advice but added a thought to the end of our session yesterday. He mentioned that anorexia, bolemia is sometimes deadly, and s...

seachange · seachange

Hi All! It's so easy to be there for others, and still hard for me to reach out for help--but here goes! I've been having a terrible time with asthma and allergy problems lately--so much so, that I can't sleep at nights with coughing and shortness of breath. And as a consequence, I'm...

maresie · maresie

As a child I was desperate to be rescued from my family of origin and I have really played that out a lot in my life. There is a theory of relating called the Karpman's triangle and my family of origin pretty much lived that. That meant that everyone was competing to be the victim (my elder sister wou...

kitty · kitty

Thanks (((John))) I think I am feeling a bit happy now to see 'Service Worker' under my name instead of guru. I did like "guru" but maybe there was some pride carrying around with it, like I know/knew more than anyone else. Who am I but a suffering humble servant of God, just a creature that God...

JulieLynn · JulieLynn

I have been seperated from my A husband since November. We were trying to work things out until a couple of weeks ago when we got into an argument and now he's not talking to me. I have been ask by several people including my therapist if I have talked to a divorce lawyer. Everytime I th...

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	Boundaries (Preview) Last night I had a talk with A. I told him I had been thinking a lot and since he is continuing to drink, I needed some boundaries. I gave him a few and explained that they are for ME. I was not placing blame, or making him out to be a bad guy, just that I needed them in order for me to function better within the r...	Iko	5	435	Mar 26, 2006 by mm
	and on and on (c: (Preview) wear overalls to my sons wedding? And bring Tavish with a nice bow on him? Ok this is raw and gross.the truth I woke up from a night of nightmares. One huge long one. I wrote it in my journal to get it out.It was very bad. I called mac and told him I just cannot do this p...	debilyn	9	406	Mar 26, 2006 by whitie
	Does Anyone Else Notice this??? (Preview) Hi - I'm new here. I've lived with an alcoholic for almost 11 years. I've been emotionally and verbally abused - had all of my boundaries knocked down, and am finally understanding that it isn't about me. I think I always knew it wasn't but I was so caught up in it, that I couldn't think clearly. We are now s...	HadEnuff	8	453	Mar 26, 2006 by nmike
	Gotta vent please. (Preview) I hope of all places I can say this here. It is true everyone here I love in my family is dead or moved far away. mostly they are dead. I hate the disease/A. I hate him so much. I cannot feel love anymore. I cannot feel the way I did when we got married anymore. It is so gone. I always wished it would go away...	debilyn	6	449	Mar 26, 2006 by marmare
	Feeling the same old fear (Preview) Last night I planned a really romantic evening for my husband to show him I appreciate all of the hard work he has put into getting off of drugs by detoxing at home and working a program. When he got home all of the lights were out and I had candles burning. At one point he turned on a lamp in the b...	Powerless	2	307	Mar 25, 2006 by jrtjosey
	How dangerous is detox? (Preview) THis is my first time in the chat room. My brother in law is so sick I'm not sure he can survive alcohol detox. He's drinking 24 hours a day. He is 41 and living with his mother who buys the liquor because 'having him at home and cooking for him' (although he's pretty much stopped eating) is her way of helping...	CindyR	8	442	Mar 25, 2006 by maresie
	Heart-felt Thanks and to share a small success (Preview) Hi everyone I suffer from Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and have done for many years. It follows a pattern of relapse and remittance. I have applied the tools of the program where I can to my illness. I have accepted the impact of profound debilitation seriously reducing the quality of...	Ria	6	364	Mar 25, 2006 by maresie
	grrrr (Preview) I haven't posted in awhile, but I have been reading and keeping up with you all. I have kind of crawled in a hole the past couple weeks. Haven't gone to meetings or talked much. I found out last thursday that a man I have known for five years and was once close friends with stole my ident...	paintthinnr	7	307	Mar 25, 2006 by maresie
	i knew it would happen (Preview) my family has always enabled my father by doing everything for him. we would go to the bank, grocery store, pay his bills,...ect. he just pawned everything off on everyone around him. he knew we would never leave him homeless without food. he took advantage of that. he had such bad credit that no one wou...	flintfeet	9	355	Mar 25, 2006 by leo
	Do you worry like me? (Preview) In previous posts I have talked about my anger and my worry. Living with an alcoholic or with someone who has mental health and is out of control can be so overwhelming that the other people in the home can't help but hold on tight and bear another blow of bad news. I have lived my life like thi...	twinmom2	3	387	Mar 25, 2006 by leo
	Eden?? update )c: (Preview) Well as some know I gave the A a chance, allowing him to stay in my rental and cont. with its fixing up. The rental is on the corner of my property. My son had patched every hole in the place and they were ready to texture and paint. A was drunk last night. I said you are already blowing it. Well now this mor...	debilyn	5	367	Mar 25, 2006 by leo
	the A's heart attack (Preview) Yesterday the A called me and told me he was in the hospital with a suspected heart attack. Now keep in mind that the A was sick most of last y ear and I footed all the bills for months on end. Subsequently I had to go to the hospital and he did not even return my calls. And keep in mind tha...	maresie	5	334	Mar 25, 2006 by aunitedway
	Silence... (Preview) I have been reading alot about this because it is definitely something I use alot, but I don't want it to be counter-productive (or cruel). When my A has an off color comment I try to smile and keep doing what I'm doing, not grunt and stomp off. Sometimes it is not that clear cut. She is very...	rtexas	6	430	Mar 25, 2006 by abbyal
	What is detaching? (Preview) Hi all. As you know I am new. I've heard a few times now about detaching. Can someone please explain what that is? Thanks so much - Karen	kspear	9	998	Mar 24, 2006 by lisafreddyb
	u guys crack me up~~~ (Preview) Oh thank you for all the funny responses. WE all need to giggle ya know? i have always wanted to have an alanon camp out here. I have room for RVs tents whatever. There is a river to play in and a great golf course right down the road. You can golf and have eagles flying over you. so cool. There ar...	debilyn	7	473	Mar 24, 2006 by TLC2
	Court Ordered Al-Anon (Preview) I am new to this..... Been divorced for over a year now and my exhusband the "A" is still battling me over every little thing. He was ordered to attend AA for 6months twice a week and both of us to undergo alchohol evaluations. Mine came out that i needed to attend Al-Anon for a minimum of a y...	sim1kag	5	1034	Mar 24, 2006 by marmare
	Is he an excuse not to follow my dreams? (Preview) I taught gymnastics for 25 years. I got my degree in PE and training in order to continue with it. I taught but never took any responsibility in the gym as I had young children (they came to work with me) and my hubsbands drinking, caused some problems, as well as my attitudes about it. I retired from the...	Jeannie	9	419	Mar 24, 2006 by nmike
	Hurt people, hurt people (Preview) I just read the statement in a previous post (thanks John), that "hurt people, hurt people". I though how true that is. After being away from my alcoholic for a few years and getting some "quality time" with myself, I had found that when I was feeling fustrated I would automatically think...	Cilla	5	389	Mar 24, 2006 by Cilla
	I need your help bad. (Preview) If I don't get some help I am going to ruin my marriage. After seven years of him drinking and us being seperated for four years he's back and now he's been sober for five months. Now for some reason he's sober and I'm a ragine lunatic. I have this thing in my head that I am going to make him suffer now that he's...	Friendofyours	16	526	Mar 24, 2006 by Ria
	Ria, you asked about suicidal ideations (Preview) Since I've had three members of my family evaluated and treated for them this month, I know anecdotally what they are, but didn't know the real definition. Interesting reading I found included Evaluation and Treatment of Patients with Suicidal Ideation p://www.aafp.org/afp/990315...	bobump	4	470	Mar 24, 2006 by kitty
	enabling (Preview) I've learned a lot in Alanon about enabling. I've been looking at my part in it and what I can do about it. I'm trying to figure out what to do when it's my husband who is enabling, and his choices would affect both of us. My husband's brother recently got divorced. In that process he lost his part in his fa...	pixel04	4	412	Mar 24, 2006 by tiredtonite
	Optimism (Preview) ((((((((((((((Family)))))))))))), This was the gift of the day from Hazeldon. Love it and had to share it with you. "The natural flight of the human mind are not from pleasure to pleasure, but from hope to hope." - Samuel Johnson - THE POWER OF OPTIMISM A truly powerful force in th...	Karilynn	4	332	Mar 24, 2006 by aunitedway
	If You need a response (Preview) I have heard this from others and now I see two more people feeling left out. What I always say is it is ok to ask for what you need. Most all of us here are in chao's or maybe our heads are full of marbles. Raising my hand!!!! (c: Anyway yes being in pain makes us say things in a different way than if w...	debilyn	8	436	Mar 24, 2006 by QOD
	yes it does feel good to CRY!!! (Preview) You are reading from the book Today's Gift </OA_HTML/ibeCCtpItmDspRte.jsp?item=2121>. *It feels so good to cry. . . . --Susan Cygnet* Some of us were taught that it's bad to express our feelings directly--crying, wailing, jumping up and down for joy--that it's good manners to talk s...	rosie light shines	3	351	Mar 24, 2006 by rosie light shines
	Dreams .... Fantasy (Preview) Hello all, I just watched a movie that reminded me of being a kid and the dreams I had, grand dreams, little dreams, pure imagination dreams. Anything from building a wooden box to being a fairy princess, some I followed through on (the wooden box) others did not pan out (fairy princess thing). I'm...	Jennifer	3	346	Mar 24, 2006 by hudsond
	It is very discouraging!!! (Preview) I know I probably have no right to say this but I will, I haven't been here in a long time but I never really felt much support from the members here. It discourages me to post here only to see people read the posts and not reply. I may be feeling this discouragement only because I am having a really h...	holly123	11	408	Mar 24, 2006 by gardengal
	Doomed to Fail? (Preview) I am still pretty new here and spend most of my time reading everyone's posts to try to get a feel for what everyone else is going through. The feeling I am getting is that as far as having hope for our A's possible recovery, it is usually a false hope. For us, our future is one of trying to simpl...	Juster	10	463	Mar 24, 2006 by Juster
	is al-anon lit the only lit welcome here?? or is any 12 step stuff welcome??? (Preview) i got asked the strangest ??? i got asked if i was quoting al-anon lit........well, when i post i use 12 step oriented stuff, like courage to change...hope for today.....aa stuff, lots of stuff but 12 steps for sure OR i just post a vent/ or pain/ or ??? / or esh request / or...	rosie light shines	7	410	Mar 24, 2006 by gardengal
	Feeling better (Preview) I've been out of internet for a while, but I'm back and happy to be back on this site. For those of you who have followed my story and helped me through those difficult times, Thank you! The times I got on here to post, or listen or read helped me tremendously and I couldn't have made it without...	sdisnie	3	293	Mar 24, 2006 by Jeannie
	In need of support (Preview) Hi Everyone, Its been a very long time since I was here and I am hitting my bottom so here I am. For about 2 1/2 months now I have been doing weight watchers and focusing much of my energy on that, I was feeling good and loosing weight but that old anger and resents are still there waiting, e...	holly123	11	468	Mar 24, 2006 by holly123
	Curious to Know! (Preview) I am curious about a few things. Maybe some of y'all can help with this puzzle. My husband told me in Nov 05 that he was using coke and had been for close to a year. Imagine my shock? We've been married for 13 years w/2 beautiful children. I have stuck to this marriage through his affairs and partyi...	QOD	8	445	Mar 24, 2006 by QOD
	It's me...the STRANGER! (Preview) Hi guys... it feels like i havent been here in years. the past few weeks have been "eventful" to say the least. i was communicating with my "A" as in going to his place to chat, give him words of encouragement etc... even tho he was drinking and taking tabs. i sat back one night when i came home and reali...	Rebecca	5	340	Mar 24, 2006 by confused
	? Taking care of self ? (Preview) Taking Care Of Self ?????? Is it taking care of self when you learn how to put all the focus on self ? What is it we are to do to do this? I have wondered about what the limits and boundaries and other things involved in doing this are. Are we supposed to do this to learn something and to be able t...	d53sjurne	5	452	Mar 24, 2006 by Ria
	hubby has accepted (Preview) My husband has accepted that we are leaving and we had a civil conversation about who gets what and are using the same attorney. No snags so far. What an awesome program, I could have never done this a year ago. Will sit down next week, about details after State Wrestling and visit...	jrtjosey	4	430	Mar 24, 2006 by MFran
	STRONG material---something i had to accept (Preview) i found this in a 12 steps thing, na, i think.....anyway, it triggered me to share something i had to accept.... God's Gift Our relationship with our Higher Power is a two-way street. In prayer, we speak and God listens. When we meditate, we do our best to listen f...	rosie light shines	1	304	Mar 23, 2006 by Jennifer
	is looking for evidence of his program taking his inventoy? (Preview) Looking for ESH. As most of you know, my A husband and I have been separated for a little of 3 months. I have begun to work a strong program, regular meetings, sponsor, small amounts of service work, reading CAL literature, frequent contact with program people etc... I feel much stronger...	confused	6	375	Mar 23, 2006 by Powerless
	The selfishness (Preview) The Air Force is sending my son home from Iraq for 2 weeks to spend some quality time with my mother...I take this as a blessing. We don't know how fast her cancer will spread or how fast her health will deteriote. My mother in-law fronted me money to get my daughter in-law and the grandkids home f...	marmare	7	366	Mar 23, 2006 by Powerless
	Need On Line Sponsor (Preview) Am looking for a sponsor. Am fairly new to Alanon, have been addicted to this chatroom and board since end of Dec. 2005, and it has helped me cope. I am wanting today to stay in the marriage with my A. Not sure what direction that is headed, but for today I want to stay. Not too sure about him. I would pref...	Becky1	4	282	Mar 23, 2006 by Karilynn
	Alcoholic husband working again (Preview) I haven't been on here in a long time. My AH is working again (out of town), but I think it's helping things. He has no time to get drunk during the week, which is kind of funny for me. He is working ten hours a day. I only see him on weekends, where of course he makes up for his not drinking during the week, but it...	Lindy	1	290	Mar 23, 2006 by Jeannie
	so many questions... (Preview) so few anwers in my head. I feel like the insanity of being married to an A is coming back. I need to ask....what is considered unacceptable behavior? what do you tell the A who exhibits unacceptable behavior? My A keeps making empty promises about EVERYthing, not just his drinking, ie, '...	Iko	8	376	Mar 23, 2006 by Juster
	AM I READY FOR SOBRIETY???? (Preview) When someone asked me that question many yrs ago i thought she was nuts, and said what kind of a question is that of course I am ready . then she said can i ask you some questions ??? I said sure go ahead ( still thinking she was nuts) Do understand the disease of alcoholism / how it work...	abbyal	7	521	Mar 23, 2006 by Karilynn
	message for John (Preview) hi John Was suprised to see service worker under ny post , thank you . I was so worried kept watching for guru to turn up and wouldn't have liked that one bit . no guru here. service worker is so much nicer. thanks	abbyal	1	378	Mar 23, 2006 by rosie light shines
	Power of Prayer (Preview) The last couple of days I have been thinking and believing in the power of prayer. Someone gave me a book called "The Power of the Praying Wife" by Stormie Omartian. This book is based for the woman who has committed to praying for her husband/partner. She talks about personal expe...	twinmom2	2	350	Mar 23, 2006 by BlueCloud
	negavtive vs. positive posts (Preview) When I come to the Board, I either come to share or I come looking for inights. When I come looking for insights, it is to find a "title" that grabs my attention that will mirror what I am feeling at that moment... sometimes it is extreme anger or fear; working the Program; something f...	kitty	10	463	Mar 23, 2006 by kitty
	Fear of Abandonment running rampant (Preview) The definition of abandonment is: To withdraw one's support or help from, especially in spite of duty, allegiance, or responsibility; desert. I have never had much of trust in others being there for me, for fear of abandonment. There have been the times that I have allowed myself t...	sandie123	3	508	Mar 23, 2006 by BlueCloud
	Gads now what???? (Preview) Incompetant justice system. A's attorney is a flake as is the courst. A went to court ready to go into jail and get it over with. Looking forward to being in a routine environ and being in AA in there. The stupid attorney and DA were not prepared so they put it off until April 20th. So now A has nowhe...	debilyn	10	572	Mar 23, 2006 by Lindy
	Trying to quiet my fears (Preview) First of all I would like to thank everyone that responded to my last two post. If it weren't for this board and my HP somedays I don't know if I could handle everyday life. It has been 2 weeks and 3 days since I heard from my A husband. Like I said before, this is the time that I really need to wo...	JulieLynn	5	295	Mar 23, 2006 by Lunamoth
	Enabling vs. parenting (Preview) Hi all, This might sound like a strange question, but how do you know when it's enabling instead of good parenting? I decided not to let my son get a driver's license until he could pay for it himself, including insurance. He is now 18 and still does not have a license, just got his first jo...	kspear	3	325	Mar 23, 2006 by Jeannie
	Learning to talk all over again (Preview) I have the want and desire to be able to talk(and write)in a manner that is held to be an ideal. With and in all that I say and express in a nonverbal way. Unfortunately I was raised in a dysf family and stayed and worked in the family busness because I couldn't figure out how to make it out in the...	d53sjurne	4	590	Mar 23, 2006 by tiredtonite
	over involved (Preview) I have been working a lot on my work issues and working on not being overinvolved at work. In doing my family of origin work I can see my family of origin has always been this stew of muddy boundaries, blurred boundaries, second guessing and more. I have transferred that way of relating t...	maresie	3	451	Mar 23, 2006 by Jennifer
	Moving (Preview) I am thinking of moving to a different state. I would be moving over 1000 miles. I have a house full of furniture that is older and has made several moves with me... 5 in the last 5 years. During each move more and more scratches and dents appear. I don't know that I am particularly attached...	ditto	8	353	Mar 23, 2006 by sweetums
	All in HIS time (Preview) My day started off badly today with my daughter throwing my puppy and breaking his neck. My sister-in-law, her husband and my son went to my daughter's us stop today as planned. They live about an hour to an hour and a half from me. She appeared excited to see them. My S-I-L ask...	Powerless	8	352	Mar 23, 2006 by bsf
	Need ES&H Help me to detach (Preview) As an acoa and alanon living and growing up with alcholics, the craziness was always there. The confusion, the lies, the decet, the controlling. Today, I am having a really hard time. Some of you have heard about my issues with my crazy neighbors and civic association. We have built a carport which i...	Robinks	4	477	Mar 23, 2006 by nmike
	Fear is eating at me (Preview) Today fear is eating at me. I'm not completely eaten up with it, but I have this constant--"what is going to come?" in my mind. Nothing huge has changed! My a isn't going to meetings, isn't really working his program, I know he is using but he doesn't come home all messed up. We...	hudsond	3	293	Mar 22, 2006 by confused
	sticking with WINNERS (Preview) Today's thought is: *No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. --Eleanor Roosevelt* In this moment, we are the best we can be. Today, we can work at loving the best in ourselves and not fearing the worst. We are truly wonderful and growing people with gifts and qualities that make u...	rosie light shines	1	353	Mar 22, 2006 by just me
	Was it my fault? (Preview) Hello All, I have been seeing a therapist to help me get through the daily, hourly issues that arise from living with an alcoholic wife. He has had some great advice but added a thought to the end of our session yesterday. He mentioned that anorexia, bolemia is sometimes deadly, and s...	jeeves	17	506	Mar 22, 2006 by jeeves
	Struggling with physical problems (Preview) Hi All! It's so easy to be there for others, and still hard for me to reach out for help--but here goes! I've been having a terrible time with asthma and allergy problems lately--so much so, that I can't sleep at nights with coughing and shortness of breath. And as a consequence, I'm...	seachange	13	492	Mar 22, 2006 by seachange
	rescue and being rescued (Preview) As a child I was desperate to be rescued from my family of origin and I have really played that out a lot in my life. There is a theory of relating called the Karpman's triangle and my family of origin pretty much lived that. That meant that everyone was competing to be the victim (my elder sister wou...	maresie	3	427	Mar 22, 2006 by jrtjosey
	service worker (to John) (Preview) Thanks (((John))) I think I am feeling a bit happy now to see 'Service Worker' under my name instead of guru. I did like "guru" but maybe there was some pride carrying around with it, like I know/knew more than anyone else. Who am I but a suffering humble servant of God, just a creature that God...	kitty	1	344	Mar 22, 2006 by lin0606
	Making the decision to divorce (Preview) I have been seperated from my A husband since November. We were trying to work things out until a couple of weeks ago when we got into an argument and now he's not talking to me. I have been ask by several people including my therapist if I have talked to a divorce lawyer. Everytime I th...	JulieLynn	12	798	Mar 22, 2006 by lin0606
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The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.