Al-Anon Family Group - Al-Anon Family Group

QOD · QOD

My AH has managed to wiggle his way back home over the few weeks. He was staying with his stepdad and I thought that was a good place for him to be. He was coming over to my house just about every evening after work. He was cheery and bending over backwards to please me. Sweet talk, hugs, kisses. He was h...

TLM · TLM

I am wanting to do some more studying and reading, and was hoping that you all could give me suggestions on books that you have found especially powerful in your journey. I have had 'How Alanon Works' and 'Courage to Change' for years, and both are excellent. I would just like to add to them. I am thinki...

cac · cac

My AH is in rehab. He has been there for 12 days now. They are probably going to release him on Saturday. I feel confused and a little upset. I don't feel like 2 weeks is enough. I know that he is getting antsy and wants to come home. His counselor says he is doing great and that he has the tools to remain...

sissy · sissy

My 18 nephew died last mother day. His B-day is Sat. I am really missing him . How do you celebrate the 1st year without them? So people are telling me that should pretend like it is another day. Actually it was one of the best day of my life. I would tell him that every year.

hersh · hersh

(((Everyone))) Isn't it amazing when you think you are okay, and everything is under control, and your deep-seeded anger comes back again? I was okay with sober A going to jail for his six month stint (he began last Friday night). I was calm about it, I did not freak out about being alone or the financia...

Maria123 · Maria123

((((((((Family))))))))))), Well I just got back from my concert ~ Martina, Little Big Town and Rodney Atkins. Wow it was amazing. So many beautiful (and sad at times) songs. Many of the lyrics remind me of program and of the beautiful people here helping me through my recovery. It's been a really to...

david62 · david62

Hi ((((((Family))))))) Just got home from the conference that my home group sponsors every year. This conference is my recovery birth-place and is very special to me.I worked very, very hard this year(I was the raffle chairman) selling tickets and had to get up on stage and give out the stuff.It was a...

shadow1 · shadow1

HAPPY BIRTHDAY HEN ALLY!!! Sounds like your having the time of your life. So gald you decided to take that trip but I miss you loads here. Have a wonderful day hen!!!! Have some on me. Love ya Shad

Karilynn · Karilynn

((((((((Family))))))), I can't believe we have just one week left before hubby's surgery! Where did the time go? This time next week we will be getting ready to leave for the hospital. At times I have been feeling a bit overwhelmed. It seems like every time I cross something off the list, they send u...

twinmom2 · twinmom2

(((Friends))) I knew it was coming, I could see my son (J)'s anger and fear about his father not being home right now. They know their Dad is sick because of drinking too much, but they truly cannot wrap their minds around everything that has happened because I've sheltered them from that. They know t...

Kim65 · Kim65

Thank HP I have Alanons to get excited with me over my baby steps!! I have a phone appt with a lawyer on Friday to begin taking care of protecting my assets. Like I said before, I don't WANT to do it, I must do it . . . it took hours yesterday to send a lame email to the law office, but today I told myself 'you can g...

simplyme · simplyme

This is not meant to be a snarky question. I am engaged to someone who has developed a problem since we met. I am having a hard time leaving, but when I read this board I see so much pain that I feel I can avoid. Why do you stay married to/ in a love relationship with your A? Thanks.

RainyJamie · RainyJamie

I have been wondering about this. It seems that my A will go to any extent to convince me that things didn't happen WHEN WE WERE BOTH RIGHT THERE!! It is obvious to me that he mostly does this to avoid shedding an unpleasant light onto himself. He would rather have me believe that I am crazy than fess up to th...

rtexas · rtexas

((((((Everyone)))))) I have had so many people tell me that they got hypnotized to quit smoking that I have decided to give it a shot. What could it hurt, right? So if I come back on here sounding like a chicken or a duck.... you will know what happened. LOL Wouldn't it be nice to have a 12 step hypnotist?...

steppgirl · steppgirl

Well I'm going in circles with my a again.. I broke up with him finally.. I've been going to alanon meeting since Nov 2006.. I've learned alot about myself and the addiction.. Working the program is really hard but I haven't given up! I wish that I could say the same for him.. How do I hang on to the love I hav...

BlueCloud · BlueCloud

Dear (((((Roomies)))), I never thought it was my attitude that might be the problem... Growing up in A-home, I learned to really use my brain to try to figure out the situation--I was a smart kid and I read a lot of self-help as a kid trying to figure out how to help us all. The pattern I had was to read, read,...

aunitedway · aunitedway

once i got my self busy.... it became easier for me to Let Go and Let God. Felt better too as I learned in how to Let things Go. i can choose to begin the minute i realize (begin the steps to turn it over) and move forward from there. Always. i can choose to get into the right frame of mind. HP ca...

arty · arty

I thought my life was going forward when i kicked him out. we are in contact on a daily basis, partly coz we miss eachother and partly coz i want to hear his voice, coz when i hear him i know if he has been drinking or not. He tells me he isnt drinking and he knows he is to stay sober if we are going to ever try "...

DelilahJones · DelilahJones

Well maybe not "new". I've been lurking for about a month and have learned a lot and want to thank you all for helping me to realize that I'm not the only one living with an alcoholic and feeling what I'm feeling. My stories closely match all your stories and the similarity is scary sometime...

HEARTBROKEN IN NJ · HEARTBROKEN IN NJ

Low and behold, I was right!! Found out today that my ex broke up with me because he met someone else. I didnt ask many questions, because I was just happy to finally have a reason for him ending our relationship. I wish I had her email address though because she's gonna need the link to this message b...

weggie · weggie

Hello to all. Thanks for everyone's advice this week. My problem is that it has been one week and I have still not talked to my A. I think men can deal with the not taking issue more than women. I have been upset with him over his actions last weekend. I have given it to God and my A friend said I should sta...

Mobirdie · Mobirdie

To give you a little background, my husband and I were asked last year to start an Alanon group at our church. At the time I told them that we could not be affiliated with the church, we would have to rent the room etc. Recently an AA meeting was started at the same church, same time as Al-Anon and both non s...

HEARTBROKEN IN NJ · HEARTBROKEN IN NJ

Well its Friday again (I hate Fridays) !!! Low and behold who calls me this morning? My ex A b/f. He blocked his number so I picked up. He was just calling to see how I was. Said he was worried because he hadn't heard from me. I have been avoiding him like the plague for a while, just to try to heal from al...

twinmom2 · twinmom2

(((Friends))) Thank you so much for your posts yesterday it truly helped me to get through yesterday and some of you really made me laugh. Sometimes I get so angry and I just have to let it out before I explode. No explosions yesterday. I was pretty cold and distant to my AH on the phone, but in the eveni...

minnie · minnie

I keep going back and forth with this, but I don't think I want to be married to my AH anymore. I don't even think I love him. And I don't think that it all has to do with his drinking. I feel so pathetic. I was almost relieved that he finally admitted he was an A, and admitted other things that happened bec...

Kim65 · Kim65

I hope this is OK, it's not a legal forum. I'm having trouble with finding out where to start. I will seek out a lawyer BUT want to be educated first. My A and I are not legally married. We've been together cohabitating since 6/00. We did not get married then b/c he was (is) still married to his first wif...

BlueCloud · BlueCloud

Dear ((((Roomies)))), The simplest way I have thought to discover and enforce my boundaries is from a desire to care and nurture myself. I have started to notice things like: what interrupts my sleep, what conversation topics leave me feeling depleted, when do I stop eating food that is good for me, w...

HEARTBROKEN IN NJ · HEARTBROKEN IN NJ

Do you ever get into a mood where you just dont want to be around anyone and all you're up to is spending the entire day in bed? Sulking and feeling sorry for yourself? That was my day today. I cant understand why I have such ups and downs. Why cant their be a balance? Why cant I detach from him? Why is th...

canadianguy · canadianguy

Hi all.... In a bit of a reflective mood today, and once again reminded that life doesn't always go according to MY plan, but that there are miracles still happening around us, even if they are not how we envisioned them. Last night, I dropped my kids off at their Mom's 5-year cake celebration, which is...

maresie2 · maresie2

right now the A is in his get back into gear mode. That is usually the time he is nice to me. Of course starved as I am I usually jump at it. Everything in his life is a huge secret, a huge intrigue. This time I am not intriuged. He pulls me in so many different ways. I am intrigued by his crisis, secrecy and dram...

weggie · weggie

Hello to all and here is my delima. I have posted that my A messed up again and I can't seem to pull myself up. Last week he was cited for drunk and disorderly in a public place. His friend was brought into the situation and my A was embarrased. Anyway,,I know I have to forgive and I have because he has a di...

Lunamoth · Lunamoth

((((Everyone)))) I am a very grateful member of al-anon. Over the last few months anger has consumed my life, a rage within me that even I couldnt seem to control. This just isn't me...I can get angry, but this was so different. It was all consuming. When I look back I see that it started when my father...

bubbles1990 · bubbles1990

Hi ((((((((everyone)))))) My hubby and I will be in Cailf in May and I was wondering if anyone would like to meet us hafe way at a resturant or something.. I am going to be visiting Trina in in Yosemity..... Anyways please PM if you are interested!!!! Bubbles123

newday · newday

So many times I've made decisions regarding my A or any other situation in my life that in hind's sight, the outcome was not my intention. For instance, for years I lived with my A and put up with his active disease until I couldn't take it anymore and then I would explode, throw him out...wait a few weeks,...

annmarie · annmarie

I work in an adult college. Last week a student (in her 50's who I've smelled alcohol from on occasion) came a bit late to class. Class begins at 9.30am. She again smelled of alcohol, but had been trying to disguise it. the tutor found her very negative and dragged the class down. She had no concentration...

lin0606 · lin0606

First, I'd like to say thanks to everyone who has been so supportive. You're right, thinking of myself as the base that everyone else can lean on is bound to fail - I'll collapse, and no one will be well off. It's not accurate anyway - already there are indications that MY ideas of what everybody needs,...

englishrose · englishrose

I went to my first meeting last night. I was scared - terrified in fact. My A knew I was going - she was so proud of me. Everyone at the meeting was so warm and wonderful, I sat like a rabbit caught in the headlights. But, at the end of the meeting, a lovely lady (M) handed me her phone number and told me to call he...

Christy · Christy

Hi .. I'd like to share a story about my neighbor. Her daughter (30 yrs old) is a heroin addict, an addict is an addict be it alcohol or drugs. It's all the same. She blames her mother for her addiction. The Mother has never sought any help for herself. Mom accepts the blame the daughter dishes out b...

Christy · Christy

I wrote this poem quite a while before I got sick enough to seek help. I look back and see just how far down the black hole I had fallen. Thank Heaven I went to Alanon. THE BOOK The story never changes and the chapters never end. I want to close this book, so my heart can mend. The pages turn and years go...

twinmom2 · twinmom2

(((Friends))) Thank you all for the comforting words the other night. I was in a pretty low spot and just needed to get it out. Yesterday was a much better day. My son is feeling better too and finally got to enjoy his TMNT cake after dinner. We went to the detox center yesterday evening to see AH. The...

Mobirdie · Mobirdie

Does anyone know of a website that lists hotlines? I needed one yesterday and floundered around way too long for my own sanity trying to find one. I didn't need it for myself but for someone who had called me seeking help. I did finally find what I wanted but it would have been very nice to have it at hand w...

daisygrl4 · daisygrl4

Ok...so it's been a while since I've been on. I'm usually on here talking about my A who is my b/f. He's been living in an Oxford house now for 2 months and has been sober for 3 1/2! I am very happy but also taking things one day at a time. So we'll see....I'm actually writing about another A. My father. ...

carolinagirl · carolinagirl

Last Wed. I got an email from my mother in law that my AH was in a terrible car accident and has a punctured lung, and back and leg injuries. He refused to tell her where he is and asked her not to tell me about the accident. She hasn't heard from him in almost a week. I called a few local hospitals but didn't...

ally · ally

((((((((((((YO))))))))))))))) You will never believe what I done...... I am scared of heights right.....AND... I went up in a cable car, It took 6 mins and It went way way up on top of the mountains......OMG it was awesome..lol I came back down and I said to all my party....can I do that again ....hahah...

Diva · Diva

I have an ongoing problem with "suggestions" given to parents of addicted children. They are, without exception, told that they are enablers, and they must say "No" now. They must do nothing for the child. Don't help them in any way. Don't get them out of jail, don't feed th...

englishrose · englishrose

I found this site a few days ago - I was in a really tough place and desperately needed someone to talk to. Yesterday I went into the chat room - I was tearful and over-emotional after a very rough night. Thank you to everyone that was around and just listened to me. I know I left abruptly - I'm so sorry about t...

confused · confused

I have been in this place before, and am sure I will be in it again. I do not know why I have such a difficult time with not knowing. Currently my AH is "clean and sober" but I have serious doubts. I know he is not attending meetings or working a program. History tells me that the emotional/m...

twinmom2 · twinmom2

(((MIP Friends))) We had a great birthday party for the boys today. One of my son's started feeling ill almost as soon as we arrived at the park. He started feeling sick to his stomach and running fever and chills. Poor little guy. He did his best to enjoy it. All my family and AH's family was there, I...

nmike · nmike

Hi Alanoners, At least now I know that I always have a place to go when I don't know what to do or say. Go directly to Alanon. I saw my AHsober today. I hadn't seen him in almost 2 months although we have talked on the phone about once a week. He said now we really need to talk about finances because we had to pa...

david62 · david62

Hey ((((Family)))) Did you ever have one of those times when something really cool happens to you, and you are looking around for someone you know to tell, and no one is there!? Well dat just happened to me, and I'm like .... looking around....who can I call...mmmmm.. I know I'll share with my family of c...

atalossmom · atalossmom

I have been reading this message board for a few months now - off and on - looking for comments from parents and haven't seen any so far. Following advice from counselors, we have stopped loaning/giving money, refused return to our home until successful completion of rehab, and tried not to take the t...

carolinagirl · carolinagirl

Last night I had this great conversation with my 12 yo daughter about her dad. She has to write a short essay on obstacles she has overcome and chose to talk about her stepfather's alcoholism. It's amazing how much you really don't know that went on when you were gone, out of town, out of the room, etc. ...

Sunny2007 · Sunny2007

Hi Everyone, I made it to do the preparation for my 2 neurological tests Thursday, which included being awake for 24 hours before the first test. Won't know results till sometime next week, but dr. was doing these "just to be sure" and she doesn't expect to find anything wrong. Slept most o...

TLM · TLM

Today, I am feeling like I could easily "go there" so, I am posting my gratitude list. Today I am grateful that I live in a beautiful small town. I am grateful that spring is here and the trees are starting to leaf out I am grateful that I have my health I am grateful that I have found this board an...

melamom815 · melamom815

Had a doctor's appointment yesterday. Baby and I are in great health and the baby is growing wonderfully. I am almost back up to my pre-pregnancy weight after losing nearly 15 pounds in the first trimester. Biggest news.....Doctor is almost positive that I am having a girl! That will make it 3 g...

lin0606 · lin0606

Found out a few days ago that my husband has pancreatic cancer. I am trying to stay optimistic until we have seen the oncologist (next week) and started some treatment, but the chances are pretty good that he is dying. This is a famously bad cancer, and it has already spread. I'm finding that there are...

serendipity · serendipity

So, my ex ah is seeing someone new. A new woman to enable him. The last convo I had with him which was Wednesday I lost it. I was sucked into the insanity. I had asked him if he signed the divorce papers and he said yes. Well, I call my lawyer daily and he never returns my calls. This has been going on for a year wi...

TLM · TLM

Last night in a meeting someone was talking about a God Box, which reminded me... I used to use what I referred to as a God Can (I can't, but God CAN). I figured I still had it kicking around somewhere, and sure enough, on a shelf in my closet was my God Can. So I opened it up and looked inside... I was amazed a...

Leetle · Leetle

This has been the first week of the rest of my life. I have set clear boundaries with my A ex b/f. He is keeping to most of them. I have been working through the chaos he has tried to lay at my feet. Mainly by stepping over it and moving on (of course, that is after I have a freak out in my head and with my poor...

Angel1 · Angel1

hi my AH is 30 days sober tomorrow. He went 68 days sober out of rehab before relapsing so this is not a HUGE milestone except he is going to AA and working the steps this time. My issue....When he is drunk he is affectionate, remorseful, tells me he loves me, misses me (we have been seperated since August)...

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	Getting Stuck in that Same Ol' Rut (Preview) My AH has managed to wiggle his way back home over the few weeks. He was staying with his stepdad and I thought that was a good place for him to be. He was coming over to my house just about every evening after work. He was cheery and bending over backwards to please me. Sweet talk, hugs, kisses. He was h...	QOD	6	478	Apr 26, 2007 by QOD
	Need some good suggestions for reading material (Preview) I am wanting to do some more studying and reading, and was hoping that you all could give me suggestions on books that you have found especially powerful in your journey. I have had 'How Alanon Works' and 'Courage to Change' for years, and both are excellent. I would just like to add to them. I am thinki...	TLM	10	745	Apr 26, 2007 by TLM
	Only 2 weeks in rehab? (Preview) My AH is in rehab. He has been there for 12 days now. They are probably going to release him on Saturday. I feel confused and a little upset. I don't feel like 2 weeks is enough. I know that he is getting antsy and wants to come home. His counselor says he is doing great and that he has the tools to remain...	cac	10	595	Apr 26, 2007 by Karilynn
	How to Celberate an deceased 18 old b-day from drugs and Alochol (Preview) My 18 nephew died last mother day. His B-day is Sat. I am really missing him . How do you celebrate the 1st year without them? So people are telling me that should pretend like it is another day. Actually it was one of the best day of my life. I would tell him that every year.	sissy	6	437	Apr 26, 2007 by Karilynn
	Anger resurfaces.... (Preview) (((Everyone))) Isn't it amazing when you think you are okay, and everything is under control, and your deep-seeded anger comes back again? I was okay with sober A going to jail for his six month stint (he began last Friday night). I was calm about it, I did not freak out about being alone or the financia...	hersh	5	682	Apr 26, 2007 by annmarie
	Went to my concert tonight (Preview) ((((((((Family))))))))))), Well I just got back from my concert ~ Martina, Little Big Town and Rodney Atkins. Wow it was amazing. So many beautiful (and sad at times) songs. Many of the lyrics remind me of program and of the beautiful people here helping me through my recovery. It's been a really to...	Maria123	15	602	Apr 25, 2007 by wp
	Sitting around the Campfire (Preview) Hi ((((((Family))))))) Just got home from the conference that my home group sponsors every year. This conference is my recovery birth-place and is very special to me.I worked very, very hard this year(I was the raffle chairman) selling tickets and had to get up on stage and give out the stuff.It was a...	david62	6	595	Apr 25, 2007 by wp
	ONE OF OUR HENS IS HAVING A BIRTHDAY!!!!!! (Preview) HAPPY BIRTHDAY HEN ALLY!!! Sounds like your having the time of your life. So gald you decided to take that trip but I miss you loads here. Have a wonderful day hen!!!! Have some on me. Love ya Shad	shadow1	15	502	Apr 25, 2007 by wp
	One more week to go! (Preview) ((((((((Family))))))), I can't believe we have just one week left before hubby's surgery! Where did the time go? This time next week we will be getting ready to leave for the hospital. At times I have been feeling a bit overwhelmed. It seems like every time I cross something off the list, they send u...	Karilynn	12	546	Apr 25, 2007 by wp
	Had a heart to heart with my 4-year old last night (Preview) (((Friends))) I knew it was coming, I could see my son (J)'s anger and fear about his father not being home right now. They know their Dad is sick because of drinking too much, but they truly cannot wrap their minds around everything that has happened because I've sheltered them from that. They know t...	twinmom2	7	556	Apr 25, 2007 by Friendofyours
	I DID IT!!! (Preview) Thank HP I have Alanons to get excited with me over my baby steps!! I have a phone appt with a lawyer on Friday to begin taking care of protecting my assets. Like I said before, I don't WANT to do it, I must do it . . . it took hours yesterday to send a lame email to the law office, but today I told myself 'you can g...	Kim65	6	488	Apr 25, 2007 by Kim65
	Why do you stay? (Preview) This is not meant to be a snarky question. I am engaged to someone who has developed a problem since we met. I am having a hard time leaving, but when I read this board I see so much pain that I feel I can avoid. Why do you stay married to/ in a love relationship with your A? Thanks.	simplyme	20	801	Apr 25, 2007 by Karilynn
	Is denial a psychological condition? (Preview) I have been wondering about this. It seems that my A will go to any extent to convince me that things didn't happen WHEN WE WERE BOTH RIGHT THERE!! It is obvious to me that he mostly does this to avoid shedding an unpleasant light onto himself. He would rather have me believe that I am crazy than fess up to th...	RainyJamie	12	596	Apr 25, 2007 by RainyJamie
	I'm going to get hypnotized... LOL (Preview) ((((((Everyone)))))) I have had so many people tell me that they got hypnotized to quit smoking that I have decided to give it a shot. What could it hurt, right? So if I come back on here sounding like a chicken or a duck.... you will know what happened. LOL Wouldn't it be nice to have a 12 step hypnotist?...	rtexas	7	663	Apr 25, 2007 by QOD
	circles (Preview) Well I'm going in circles with my a again.. I broke up with him finally.. I've been going to alanon meeting since Nov 2006.. I've learned alot about myself and the addiction.. Working the program is really hard but I haven't given up! I wish that I could say the same for him.. How do I hang on to the love I hav...	steppgirl	2	433	Apr 25, 2007 by Rita G
	Changed Attitudes Can Lead to Recovery (Preview) Dear (((((Roomies)))), I never thought it was my attitude that might be the problem... Growing up in A-home, I learned to really use my brain to try to figure out the situation--I was a smart kid and I read a lot of self-help as a kid trying to figure out how to help us all. The pattern I had was to read, read,...	BlueCloud	4	456	Apr 25, 2007 by TLM
	once i got busy, i got better letting go also got easier. (Preview) once i got my self busy.... it became easier for me to Let Go and Let God. Felt better too as I learned in how to Let things Go. i can choose to begin the minute i realize (begin the steps to turn it over) and move forward from there. Always. i can choose to get into the right frame of mind. HP ca...	aunitedway	5	796	Apr 25, 2007 by tea2
	getting sucked back into it!!!!!!!!! (Preview) I thought my life was going forward when i kicked him out. we are in contact on a daily basis, partly coz we miss eachother and partly coz i want to hear his voice, coz when i hear him i know if he has been drinking or not. He tells me he isnt drinking and he knows he is to stay sober if we are going to ever try "...	arty	5	443	Apr 25, 2007 by Christy
	New here (Preview) Well maybe not "new". I've been lurking for about a month and have learned a lot and want to thank you all for helping me to realize that I'm not the only one living with an alcoholic and feeling what I'm feeling. My stories closely match all your stories and the similarity is scary sometime...	DelilahJones	6	359	Apr 25, 2007 by DelilahJones
	Always follow your gut instinct (Preview) Low and behold, I was right!! Found out today that my ex broke up with me because he met someone else. I didnt ask many questions, because I was just happy to finally have a reason for him ending our relationship. I wish I had her email address though because she's gonna need the link to this message b...	HEARTBROKEN IN NJ	10	626	Apr 24, 2007 by Christy
	Still not talking (Preview) Hello to all. Thanks for everyone's advice this week. My problem is that it has been one week and I have still not talked to my A. I think men can deal with the not taking issue more than women. I have been upset with him over his actions last weekend. I have given it to God and my A friend said I should sta...	weggie	7	499	Apr 24, 2007 by eveolution
	Need some opinions (Preview) To give you a little background, my husband and I were asked last year to start an Alanon group at our church. At the time I told them that we could not be affiliated with the church, we would have to rent the room etc. Recently an AA meeting was started at the same church, same time as Al-Anon and both non s...	Mobirdie	6	466	Apr 24, 2007 by Christy
	Yikes another Friday (Preview) Well its Friday again (I hate Fridays) !!! Low and behold who calls me this morning? My ex A b/f. He blocked his number so I picked up. He was just calling to see how I was. Said he was worried because he hadn't heard from me. I have been avoiding him like the plague for a while, just to try to heal from al...	HEARTBROKEN IN NJ	7	488	Apr 24, 2007 by carolena
	Doing much better today, Thank you MIP (Preview) (((Friends))) Thank you so much for your posts yesterday it truly helped me to get through yesterday and some of you really made me laugh. Sometimes I get so angry and I just have to let it out before I explode. No explosions yesterday. I was pretty cold and distant to my AH on the phone, but in the eveni...	twinmom2	8	474	Apr 24, 2007 by carolena
	not sure (Preview) I keep going back and forth with this, but I don't think I want to be married to my AH anymore. I don't even think I love him. And I don't think that it all has to do with his drinking. I feel so pathetic. I was almost relieved that he finally admitted he was an A, and admitted other things that happened bec...	minnie	10	457	Apr 24, 2007 by DelilahJones
	Legal issues . . . where to start? (Preview) I hope this is OK, it's not a legal forum. I'm having trouble with finding out where to start. I will seek out a lawyer BUT want to be educated first. My A and I are not legally married. We've been together cohabitating since 6/00. We did not get married then b/c he was (is) still married to his first wif...	Kim65	8	611	Apr 24, 2007 by Kim65
	Babystep Boundaries (Preview) Dear ((((Roomies)))), The simplest way I have thought to discover and enforce my boundaries is from a desire to care and nurture myself. I have started to notice things like: what interrupts my sleep, what conversation topics leave me feeling depleted, when do I stop eating food that is good for me, w...	BlueCloud	3	572	Apr 24, 2007 by Rita G
	My worst day yet. When is this gonna get better (Preview) Do you ever get into a mood where you just dont want to be around anyone and all you're up to is spending the entire day in bed? Sulking and feeling sorry for yourself? That was my day today. I cant understand why I have such ups and downs. Why cant their be a balance? Why cant I detach from him? Why is th...	HEARTBROKEN IN NJ	8	1186	Apr 24, 2007 by JulieLynn
	Miracles can take many forms... (Preview) Hi all.... In a bit of a reflective mood today, and once again reminded that life doesn't always go according to MY plan, but that there are miracles still happening around us, even if they are not how we envisioned them. Last night, I dropped my kids off at their Mom's 5-year cake celebration, which is...	canadianguy	5	540	Apr 24, 2007 by Diva
	knowing the cycle (Preview) right now the A is in his get back into gear mode. That is usually the time he is nice to me. Of course starved as I am I usually jump at it. Everything in his life is a huge secret, a huge intrigue. This time I am not intriuged. He pulls me in so many different ways. I am intrigued by his crisis, secrecy and dram...	maresie2	7	386	Apr 24, 2007 by Maria123
	Can;t get myself back on track (Preview) Hello to all and here is my delima. I have posted that my A messed up again and I can't seem to pull myself up. Last week he was cited for drunk and disorderly in a public place. His friend was brought into the situation and my A was embarrased. Anyway,,I know I have to forgive and I have because he has a di...	weggie	3	580	Apr 24, 2007 by Maria123
	A walk thru anger (Preview) ((((Everyone)))) I am a very grateful member of al-anon. Over the last few months anger has consumed my life, a rage within me that even I couldnt seem to control. This just isn't me...I can get angry, but this was so different. It was all consuming. When I look back I see that it started when my father...	Lunamoth	5	470	Apr 24, 2007 by Maria123
	Bubbles will be in calif (Preview) Hi ((((((((everyone)))))) My hubby and I will be in Cailf in May and I was wondering if anyone would like to meet us hafe way at a resturant or something.. I am going to be visiting Trina in in Yosemity..... Anyways please PM if you are interested!!!! Bubbles123	bubbles1990	3	414	Apr 24, 2007 by Maria123
	Do I mean what I say? Or am I just trying to control my situation? (Preview) So many times I've made decisions regarding my A or any other situation in my life that in hind's sight, the outcome was not my intention. For instance, for years I lived with my A and put up with his active disease until I couldn't take it anymore and then I would explode, throw him out...wait a few weeks,...	newday	3	356	Apr 24, 2007 by Maria123
	denial in the air (Preview) I work in an adult college. Last week a student (in her 50's who I've smelled alcohol from on occasion) came a bit late to class. Class begins at 9.30am. She again smelled of alcohol, but had been trying to disguise it. the tutor found her very negative and dragged the class down. She had no concentration...	annmarie	2	431	Apr 24, 2007 by mel123
	What's best for someone else. (Preview) First, I'd like to say thanks to everyone who has been so supportive. You're right, thinking of myself as the base that everyone else can lean on is bound to fail - I'll collapse, and no one will be well off. It's not accurate anyway - already there are indications that MY ideas of what everybody needs,...	lin0606	6	319	Apr 23, 2007 by Lunamoth
	Today (Preview) I went to my first meeting last night. I was scared - terrified in fact. My A knew I was going - she was so proud of me. Everyone at the meeting was so warm and wonderful, I sat like a rabbit caught in the headlights. But, at the end of the meeting, a lovely lady (M) handed me her phone number and told me to call he...	englishrose	4	402	Apr 23, 2007 by lin0606
	So you want to save your child? (Preview) Hi .. I'd like to share a story about my neighbor. Her daughter (30 yrs old) is a heroin addict, an addict is an addict be it alcohol or drugs. It's all the same. She blames her mother for her addiction. The Mother has never sought any help for herself. Mom accepts the blame the daughter dishes out b...	Christy	7	670	Apr 23, 2007 by jrtjosey
	And then I found Alanon.. (Preview) I wrote this poem quite a while before I got sick enough to seek help. I look back and see just how far down the black hole I had fallen. Thank Heaven I went to Alanon. THE BOOK The story never changes and the chapters never end. I want to close this book, so my heart can mend. The pages turn and years go...	Christy	8	606	Apr 23, 2007 by jrtjosey
	Had a visit with AH last night (Preview) (((Friends))) Thank you all for the comforting words the other night. I was in a pretty low spot and just needed to get it out. Yesterday was a much better day. My son is feeling better too and finally got to enjoy his TMNT cake after dinner. We went to the detox center yesterday evening to see AH. The...	twinmom2	6	538	Apr 23, 2007 by TLM
	hotline (Preview) Does anyone know of a website that lists hotlines? I needed one yesterday and floundered around way too long for my own sanity trying to find one. I didn't need it for myself but for someone who had called me seeking help. I did finally find what I wanted but it would have been very nice to have it at hand w...	Mobirdie	4	313	Apr 23, 2007 by Mobirdie
	Father's Eyes (Preview) Ok...so it's been a while since I've been on. I'm usually on here talking about my A who is my b/f. He's been living in an Oxford house now for 2 months and has been sober for 3 1/2! I am very happy but also taking things one day at a time. So we'll see....I'm actually writing about another A. My father. ...	daisygrl4	7	486	Apr 23, 2007 by EarthAngel
	More about talking to kids...and update (Preview) Last Wed. I got an email from my mother in law that my AH was in a terrible car accident and has a punctured lung, and back and leg injuries. He refused to tell her where he is and asked her not to tell me about the accident. She hasn't heard from him in almost a week. I called a few local hospitals but didn't...	carolinagirl	2	418	Apr 23, 2007 by Kim65
	GO ALLY WOO WOO WOO (Preview) ((((((((((((YO))))))))))))))) You will never believe what I done...... I am scared of heights right.....AND... I went up in a cable car, It took 6 mins and It went way way up on top of the mountains......OMG it was awesome..lol I came back down and I said to all my party....can I do that again ....hahah...	ally	5	476	Apr 23, 2007 by Becky1
	About addicted children - God love them. (Preview) I have an ongoing problem with "suggestions" given to parents of addicted children. They are, without exception, told that they are enablers, and they must say "No" now. They must do nothing for the child. Don't help them in any way. Don't get them out of jail, don't feed th...	Diva	20	678	Apr 23, 2007 by mel123
	New to this, thanks, and a bit about where I'm at - if that's okay? (Preview) I found this site a few days ago - I was in a really tough place and desperately needed someone to talk to. Yesterday I went into the chat room - I was tearful and over-emotional after a very rough night. Thank you to everyone that was around and just listened to me. I know I left abruptly - I'm so sorry about t...	englishrose	5	548	Apr 23, 2007 by abbyal
	living in limbo (Preview) I have been in this place before, and am sure I will be in it again. I do not know why I have such a difficult time with not knowing. Currently my AH is "clean and sober" but I have serious doubts. I know he is not attending meetings or working a program. History tells me that the emotional/m...	confused	6	669	Apr 23, 2007 by abbyal
	Having a sad moment (Preview) (((MIP Friends))) We had a great birthday party for the boys today. One of my son's started feeling ill almost as soon as we arrived at the park. He started feeling sick to his stomach and running fever and chills. Poor little guy. He did his best to enjoy it. All my family and AH's family was there, I...	twinmom2	10	637	Apr 22, 2007 by Friendofyours
	Saw my AHsober today.... (Preview) Hi Alanoners, At least now I know that I always have a place to go when I don't know what to do or say. Go directly to Alanon. I saw my AHsober today. I hadn't seen him in almost 2 months although we have talked on the phone about once a week. He said now we really need to talk about finances because we had to pa...	nmike	3	510	Apr 22, 2007 by Friendofyours
	Cutting the rope, the saga continues! (Preview) Hey ((((Family)))) Did you ever have one of those times when something really cool happens to you, and you are looking around for someone you know to tell, and no one is there!? Well dat just happened to me, and I'm like .... looking around....who can I call...mmmmm.. I know I'll share with my family of c...	david62	15	736	Apr 22, 2007 by bubbles1990
	need ideas for helping adult alcoholic child (Preview) I have been reading this message board for a few months now - off and on - looking for comments from parents and haven't seen any so far. Following advice from counselors, we have stopped loaning/giving money, refused return to our home until successful completion of rehab, and tried not to take the t...	atalossmom	8	2068	Apr 22, 2007 by atalossmom
	Talking to children of addicts about addiction??? (Preview) Last night I had this great conversation with my 12 yo daughter about her dad. She has to write a short essay on obstacles she has overcome and chose to talk about her stepfather's alcoholism. It's amazing how much you really don't know that went on when you were gone, out of town, out of the room, etc. ...	carolinagirl	10	1423	Apr 22, 2007 by Jill
	FROM Sunny2007 -- the latest (as of Saturday) (Preview) Hi Everyone, I made it to do the preparation for my 2 neurological tests Thursday, which included being awake for 24 hours before the first test. Won't know results till sometime next week, but dr. was doing these "just to be sure" and she doesn't expect to find anything wrong. Slept most o...	Sunny2007	5	516	Apr 22, 2007 by aunitedway
	Gratitude List (Preview) Today, I am feeling like I could easily "go there" so, I am posting my gratitude list. Today I am grateful that I live in a beautiful small town. I am grateful that spring is here and the trees are starting to leaf out I am grateful that I have my health I am grateful that I have found this board an...	TLM	5	421	Apr 22, 2007 by Jerry F
	It's a Girl!!! (Preview) Had a doctor's appointment yesterday. Baby and I are in great health and the baby is growing wonderfully. I am almost back up to my pre-pregnancy weight after losing nearly 15 pounds in the first trimester. Biggest news.....Doctor is almost positive that I am having a girl! That will make it 3 g...	melamom815	9	497	Apr 21, 2007 by Angel1
	Strength and Courage (Preview) Found out a few days ago that my husband has pancreatic cancer. I am trying to stay optimistic until we have seen the oncologist (next week) and started some treatment, but the chances are pretty good that he is dying. This is a famously bad cancer, and it has already spread. I'm finding that there are...	lin0606	6	336	Apr 21, 2007 by aunitedway
	How much of it is me? (Preview) So, my ex ah is seeing someone new. A new woman to enable him. The last convo I had with him which was Wednesday I lost it. I was sucked into the insanity. I had asked him if he signed the divorce papers and he said yes. Well, I call my lawyer daily and he never returns my calls. This has been going on for a year wi...	serendipity	2	472	Apr 21, 2007 by aunitedway
	God Can (Preview) Last night in a meeting someone was talking about a God Box, which reminded me... I used to use what I referred to as a God Can (I can't, but God CAN). I figured I still had it kicking around somewhere, and sure enough, on a shelf in my closet was my God Can. So I opened it up and looked inside... I was amazed a...	TLM	9	532	Apr 21, 2007 by aunitedway
	Moving Forward (Preview) This has been the first week of the rest of my life. I have set clear boundaries with my A ex b/f. He is keeping to most of them. I have been working through the chaos he has tried to lay at my feet. Mainly by stepping over it and moving on (of course, that is after I have a freak out in my head and with my poor...	Leetle	4	391	Apr 21, 2007 by nmike
	so painful (Preview) hi my AH is 30 days sober tomorrow. He went 68 days sober out of rehab before relapsing so this is not a HUGE milestone except he is going to AA and working the steps this time. My issue....When he is drunk he is affectionate, remorseful, tells me he loves me, misses me (we have been seperated since August)...	Angel1	5	480	Apr 21, 2007 by TLM
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The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.