In the middle of a crisis/chaos what Alanon tools do YOU use? - Al-Anon Family Group

gardengal · ~*Service Worker*~

In the middle of a crisis/chaos what Alanon tools do YOU use?

Karilynn · ~*Service Worker*~

((((((((((GG)))))))),

Great question. I use the Serenity Prayer more times than I can count. Baby steps and ODAT are big ones for me as well. When I'm really stressed, I play with my Camel Coin. I also have my Live Strong bracelet on. I play with that too. It has more meanings than I can count. When I need to get away, I escape to the woods. The silence and serenity calms my soul. I also go back to my meditations. In other words, I use anything I can Alanon or nonAlanon to get back on track. Hugging Pipers Kitty is one of the best, along with hubby.

Love and blessings to you and your family.

Live strong,

Karilynn & Pipers Kitty

Christy · ~*Service Worker*~

TY for topic (((GG))))

I used to use any tool I could come up with in crisis. But one that I finally found that served me best was akin to "THINK". I would count slowly to 10 and breathe while figuring out which tool I needed. By doing the counting/breathing, it kept my mouth shut and the breathing settled me down a bit.

I found when I didn't do this I was more prone to give a knee-jerk reaction and spew something out that I didn't mean.
I do this not only with my A, but with my son. Teenagers make ya count a lot..lol

Christy

Diva · ~*Service Worker*~

The tool I most often use is the wall to beat my head against...or his, which is a better idea...Oh, AlAnon tool you said. I am honestly, really trying to learn. *sigh*

Diva

-- Edited by Diva at 12:40, 2007-01-20

Christy · ~*Service Worker*~

ROFL Diva!!!!! That was great!

greta · Senior Member

One of my biggest problems has been obsessing about the a's in my life. Over and over the tapes play in my head. It was suggested to me one day to change the he he he to me me me...Each time I thought about him or her, I was to change the thinking to me...He was a jerk was changed to ...I need to take a walk, I need to read, I am a great person...I can not tell you how hard this was for me, but the results were great. It really does put that focus right back on me. I love the Lords Prayer, for me everything I need is there, I say that prayer and think of every word...thy will be done(not mine!)..give us this day our daily bread(what do ya really need here?)...kind of makes it simple for me...it works better for me than the serenity prayer...And last but not least thinking about my friend Abe Lincoln saying, most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be...usually follows up with the question..well? How happy do u want to be today?..My attitude is up to me...

emma · Senior Member

Useful al anon tools when in the midst of chaos ... great topic!

I've found that the one I use most often to close my eyes, take a breath, and think to myself, "I put my life and my will in Your hands. Help me do and say the next right thing." -- Amazingly, this works for me most of the time. Sometimes I need to vary it for the circumstances I'm in, and sometimes this alone does not keep me from getting pulled into the chaos. WHen this is not enough, I start reading other al anon literature and saying the Serenity Prayer. I also have many/most of the slogans on little pieces of paper where I can get to them -- I reach in and envision pulling out the one I need at that moment .... And sometimes I just need to call my sponsor.

Thanks for the post.

emma

CJ · ~*Service Worker*~

As of late, my most useful tool has been being able to say, "I'll get back to you". Not just when talking with my A, but with those who are affected (with no program). There is no decision or opinion that someone else needs from me the exact second they ask. I can choose when and how to respond, that's my right, and has allowed me to make much better decisions, to respond (not react), and to be kinder in every way. I like it!

cj

Mobirdie · Senior Member

During the past few months I have been using a tool that seems to work in almost all sort's of crisis that has come my way, especially the ones where I get a phone call that the A is in trouble again.

It's called the 7 minute rule. Don't feed the crisis for 7 minutes and it will no longer be a crisis. By this I mean I make myself think about something else, anything except the crisis, I focus on something else, do something else anything to get my mind off of it. If I find myself thinking about it again I refocus and stop feeding the crisis.

I gave this tip to the people in my f2f meetings and many of them have tried it and have found that it does indeed work.

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

Aloha Gardengal...

Great share and subject. For me its the slogans. My screen saver is "Don't React". I have a three second rule after the bomb goes off. I wait three seconds and then ask myself how do I want this to come out for me? I then do what is necessary to reach that consequence. (that one from my sponsor) LG(2) is also a very good one....LG(2)? Let Go and Let God of course. Think is also handy and I have to be calm to think. How about, "This too will pass"? It will you know...it always does...doesn't it? And then there is the slogan for the pros. "Detatch"!! Detachment is an art form and you mentioned two of them so you must be a pro. Walking away is detatchment. Giving another the benefit of the doubt is detachment. I love that, "You might be right" response. It is humble and also true since I am never ever always right...only partially. I also do some mirroring by feeding back what I am seeing such as, "You look really angry (or sound or both) is it something I did. If it was I apologize. Is there anything I can help you understand?" When I am doing this I am not resisting, throwing fuel on the fire, blaming or denying what is happening. I am using compassion and the willingness to understand and be a part of. It has to be honest or they will see right thru my bs and things will get worse. Humility and honesty are required.

The Serenity Prayer of course and out loud if it will also help difuse the situation. You could ask the alcoholic to say it with you...that's courageous.

Then of course because I am human and my feelings get hurt and I get angry and because sometimes I would rather be right than happy and because blaming others keeps the pressure of of me and because stacking resentments use to give me a sense of power...there is always forgiveness. Having forgiveness always on hand is like holding the extra ace in my hand. When I forgive I win everytime. When I forgive and forget I don't have to drag hostages along with me where ever I go. My blamees are free to go where ever.

And then there is page 449 of the Big Book of AA (the third edition) page 417 in the newest "...and I have found that acceptance is the solution to all of my problems." The opposite of anger is acceptance.

Great post and subject. Of course there is more. I don't know it all and I have forgotten some of it. That is why I keep coming back.

((((((hugs))))))

carolinagirl · ~*Service Worker*~

When something is happening that is making me upset or when I don't know what to do I do nothing. That was hard for me at first but it lets the chips fall where they may rather than me scrambling to catch them before they hit the ground. I guess doing nothing and letting the consequences happen AND learning to say I don't want to talk about that and sticking by it. Those have been the two most helpful things for me.

Diva · ~*Service Worker*~

Diva wrote:
The tool I most often use is the wall to beat my head against...or his, which is a better idea...Oh, AlAnon tool you said. I am honestly, really trying to learn. I try to remember the "three Cs".

Diva

-- Edited by Diva at 12:40, 2007-01-20

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