The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
If you felt your reply was a bit snobbish, then that is something you need to work on. It all depends on WHY you made the comment. But remember, the music one listens to doesn't make one better than the other. I am a classically trained and educated musician who happily listens to country and rock as well. I stay away from Hip Hop, but other than that....Hmmm, why did I make that "classically trained and educated" statement? Snobbery? No, just stating a fact. LOL!!!
Diva
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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
I think it is awesome that you are finding traits within yourself that you are choosing to work on. It helps us to understand that ego does play a part in trying to fullfil our desires, which really doesn't get us very far. Your honestly will bring you great distances in your program and will make you a wonderful sponsee. Hopefully you can see that even within a trait that you don't really desire to keep, you have brought forth a great trait..... and that is your honesty & willingness to grow in this program.
Keep coming back, it works if you work it...... and your worth it!
Being aware of what you say is excellent. I think its more "how you say it" rather than what you say! You can take a sentence and by changing the tone in your voice or putting emphisis on certain words it can certainly alter what you are trying to get across, and people can take it the wrong way. There is a saying in alanon,,,"Say what you mean , but dont say it mean.
what was wrong was the way i responeded to her comment making myself seem superior.
Since you recognize it as a character defect, you can address it when you get a sponsor and do the steps. In fact since you are aware of it, you could try to stop yourself anyway. I see what you are saying...You made the other person feel "less" by your comment. She was happy sayng she snapped her fingers to Country all the way in, and after your comment she said ''oh, well i don't listen to country music all the time". So here's some Sponsor type questions...Is there a reason you didn't want her to be happy? Do you have a need to feel superior? Why? Were you made to feel "less" by someone? How did you feel when you felt "less"? Do you feel "less" now? Do you resent feeling "less"?
Making amends to the woman for your comment would be an OK thing too :) It would not only acknowledge your mistake, but more imortantly, her feelings. Most likely she will say "oh, no big deal", but it obviously affected her because she changed her answer and said she doesn't listen to it all the time, like it was a bad thing. I doubt she was feeling upbeat after that.
P.S. It's pretty hard to snap your fingers to classical music. I hope she continues to snap away.
Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
I agree, recognizing why we are doing these things, admitting it, and using that insight to change, is what this program is all about. I know those 'joy killing' put downs - more than one of them have come out of my own mouth. I'm getting better at stopping them though.
Hi, jewely! It doesn't seem to me that what you said was snobbish - you just told her what you listened to yourself. But you do say you thought you came off as snobby. You know, there have been times when I have come off sounding "holier than thou". "better than you", whatever. And I didn't mean to but then there were times I did mean it when I was feeling bad. My problem. But I'd feel bad either way afterwards and am getting better about handling myself. I always have to remind myself to think first about the way I'm gonna say something though I slip up once in a while. I feel better if I apologize because I think it's the right thing to do if I hurt someone's feelings or. Maybe you were just pre-occuppied and feeling down with all else swirling around in your mind and perhaps the lady didn't really take it the way you think but maybe you might want to apologize in case she was offended...jaja
i have thought about your insights and i realize........,
i honestly did not mean to put this lady down. [maybe she has her own issues to deal with in the way she responded to my comment]
what i want from this brief inventory of myself is to be more sensitive to the feelings of others .
and..................,
i do lilke country music,
although,
i am rather selective in my choice of artist..ie emmy lou harris, top rated in my book !!!!!!!!!!!!! k.d. lang, beautiful almost magical voice and Gillian welch, moody meloncholy music for the poetic side of me.
and surprisingly.................occasionally.........the dixie chicks, what a talented group of women.
thanks again people for allowing me to share my experience, strength and hope.
I think your response was fine , the lady defending herself obviously took it as a slight Not your problem . Thank god we all don't like the same kind of music or our fav station would crash from over load . hehe Don't think you were arrogant at all , we all are diff and have diff tastes and we all have a right to express them . Louise
However, I think maybe the lady was looking for something else from you . I think she wanted to express a way that she was taking care of herself at that time.
