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level.
This will seem minor to many of you, but this is where I am today.
My AH who is a controller moves my things. I've wasted my time looking for my large tape player because I found a tape I wanted to play. I have looked everywhere that I think it could be.
When I can't find something, I automatically blame my H because it's usually because he's moved it to somewhere that I wouldn't keep it. I'm tired of asking him where MY things are.
This is so frustrating and I'm angry. I can't ask him where it is like I normally do because he won't be home for several hours.
I have hidden some of my things that I don't want him to see but I can't hide everything.
I know, I need to set boundaries (not easy because it means nothing to him) or call a locksmith, lol.
I used to have big problems with him like fearing for my life but those days have been over for a long time which I'm very thankful for.
Just wondering - he's on a dry drunk now and not approachable other than for me to ask where it is when he comes back.
Has anyone else had a frustrating problem like this? I feel like I'm making a mountain out of a molehill. Has anyone else had a crazy situation like this? If so, how did you handle it?
I think our molehills become mountains, b/c we get so tired of the "same old, same old". We think "man, just once couldn't he/she do___, or leave me or my stuff alone!" I know sometimes I get so upset about something that in and of itself doesn't seem like a big thing--it's just that on top of everything else, is just too much!
My suggestion would be to say the serenity prayer, try to turn it into something you can laugh about--like where on earth could he have moved it to, that you couldn't see it (you did say large tape player) then just smile and shake your head or when he comes home you could be singing at the top your lungs and dancing all crazy and when he asks you what in the world is going on just say I haven't been able to find my tape player so I thought I would just entertain myself--I have found out that I am Really GREAT at this want to hear some more? No? You don't by chance know where my tape player is then?
I don't know maybe that's not the best either-maybe a little bit much on the sarcasm side (one of my defects of character!)
Anyway I hope you can find it or at least can shrug this off!
Keep working your program.
Here's smiling at you kid!
Dawn
(I have no idea how that will come out-it looks funky on my screen and I don't know how to fix it!)
Hi Carolena! I get very irritated when he moves my stuff, he can be very controlling and there often will be a little bit of attitude behind the action- like I wasn't properly taking care of it or something. Occaisionally I will come home to find my "stuff" has been ransacked; art supplies, clothes, whatever...and it makes my skin crawl. Why was he rummaging through my drawers? And if I ask him he will just play dumb. It makes me insane.
I don't know if it's making a mountain out of a molehill, I have molehills in my yard and they are alot more inconvienient and unsightly than people give them credit for.
Jamie
-- Edited by RainyJamie at 16:54, 2007-01-19
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I'm like a pinch of tea...put me in hot water and see how strong I can be.
Well.... yes I do have kind of the same problem you do. Hubby is sober and thankfully not a dry drunk. However he is a bit on the OCD side. He has always been super organized. That's what made him successful. But it can also be his downfall. He doesn't know when to quit. I am also organized, but I spend soooo much time doing it at work, that I tend to let it go at home.
When he went to see his kids and grandkids at Christmas time, he had organized some things. But I couldn't find them. At one point I started to get a little annoyed. But I think it had to do more with the holidays and I work retail, and I was tired. I said the Serenity Prayer and let it go for a bit. Turns out I found them! The ironic thing is that I realized I was the one who had moved them! Good grief! lol
I try and remember he is working through his issues through AA and good counceling along with the correct medication. Most of the time I just count to 10 and I ask myself how important is it at this moment? Can it wait until I can ask him. I am so greatful that he is sober and kind hearted. Right now he is helping me with my checkbook. Somehow someway I got a few things screwed up. Bless his heart for wanting to help me with this. I wouldn't want to. I hope you find what you need. Sometimes when you stop looking, things magically reappear. Hang in there things will get better.
Love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong,
Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
Hi, thanks so much for your replies - they're so helpful. I honestly thought that maybe I was alone on this one. I guess that's because when I've brought this up in f2f meetings in the past, no one really seemed to relate to it the way all of you have.
My AH is so controlling (and super organized) that I can't even arrange my furniture the way I want it. If I change the living room furniture, he waits until I go out, then changes it back to the way HE had it!
Some of your suggestions were hilarious - like dancing around when he came back.....that's the one I did....as best as I could, lol. Hey, new way to lose weight because it'll happen at least three times a week!
The boombox was actually in the same room where I try to keep it, but in a different spot and covered completely over with a towel so that I couldn't see it!
lol, I guess I could glue everything in place???
(P.S. my A has never gone to AA) - he says God healed him many years ago and there's nothing wrong with him.)
I know this disease is progressive with or without the alcohol or pills. Also, I realize that I stay with him one day at a time.
(I have no idea how that will come out-it looks funky on my screen and I don't know how to fix it!)