The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Are you in love with him/her or are you in love with the person you want him/her to be? I remember hearing this question and thinking, Oh my goodness! I always hope things will work out really well without looking for who they really are. My ex was wonderful in the beginning then his head started spinning and I found myself one very confused, sad, angry woman. I used to go in believing everything I was told. Now I go in thinking he's lying until the truth comes out! LOL I just thought I would share something I am starting to see.
I was in love with him (whatever that means!!), but I don't think I am anymore.....
I don't like to play the blame game but I do think he drained a lot of my love away. Little noncomplimentary comments, lack of affection, lack of care from him really. The sad thing is though is that I now realise he was never really capable of giving what he didn't have to give.
He says he loves me. I don't think he knows how to. I'm not sure I know how to either. ......have to work on myself first I think..........
I fell in love with my hubby way before he was an alcoholic. I fell in love with him in college. I never told him. We were dating other people. He eventually married someone else. I was not ready to be in a relationship. Fast forward and here we are married. I fell in love with the man, not the alcoholic. If he was still active, I would not live with him, despite all the love in my heart for him. When he was active, someone wise once asked me: Are you lonlier with him than without him? Physically he was in the house, but long removed emotionally. Fast foward to the present: 8 months sober tomorrow. I am no longer lonlier with him than without him. Miracles do happen. Keep the faith. Love the person, not the disease. Do what is best for you and your family.
Love and blessings.
Live strong,
Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
Thanks for that, Piper. I've been in the program for over 12 years(Al-Anon), and at one point my A was 3 yrs sober- but that was 9 years ago! I'm still hanging in there, our last child is moving out on his own, and now I tell myself I'm still hanging in there because of a promise to go into treatment (next opening or evaluation a few weeks away). I'm trying to be gentle with myself, but sometimes I feel I delude myself. I love my program so much! But I just have to remember - progress, not perfection, but put my trust in my higher power! The reason I went online to begin with, is I needed a place to vent tonight. Too late to call someone, as I don't have a real crisis on my hands - just a mind doing backflips. God Bless this program. It's such a safe place to vent! And grow, learn, share, laugh, cry, and learn again about acceptance.
