The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hello Emily so glad u posted here. Please talk to your sponsor , she will not judge you , You have done nothing wrong . nor are you responsible for your fathers action. Don't take on the guilt and shame of this disease it's not yours to carry .
Am so sorry u had to witness that with your parents it is beyond a doubt a life altering experience. But u can rise above it and learn to love yourself again . Anger and resentment only hurt you and you deserve to treat yourself with love and respect
We often say here that we are as sick as our secrets and I truly believe that , you have sharred yours with us take a chance and tell your sponsor . Love Louise
For one, I remember when it was I realized I had stopped loving my father. My father is a great deal like yours: extremely violent alcholic that caused great harm in my family. I was in 8th grade and the whole of the school year Dad was looking for a job...but I couldn't tell anyone. And we were gonna move...but I couldn't tell anyone. And I wasn't gonna go to school with any of my friends any more...but I couldn't tell anyone. And then when Dad got the job, in another state, I was forbidden to tell a living soul. I was so excited! We were gonna move to the big city of Dayton...and I couldn't tell anyone.
So now I've spent my whole life being abused, terrified, abandoned, neglected, terrorized and hurt...and you're worried about me keeping this secret?
Please, keep talking to your sponsor. I don't think you have anything to worry about. As time passes you will come to see your father in a different light. You may never stop hating your father, but maybe one day you won't be so hurt by him.
I am so sorry you had to witness that horrible act. I can understand because I also witnessed the same with my father. I still hate him. There's a lot of rage inside. I don't go around him at all. I would love to call him and tell him what a horrible husband and father he was, but he will never say he is sorry. Any person who witnessed the same would feel confused and angry. There is nothing wrong with YOU. It's not your guilt to carry.
Thank you guys soo much. I think I will. But, I still feel guilty. He loves me soo much. Its a good and bad thing. Even tho he never laid a hand on me..i think i have bin most affected by him. Thanks!! I will tallk to her very soon. yeah tonite!
I am so glad you have a sponsor to talk to. You have gotten some wonderful words and I am so impressed that you have taken the step to help yourself. That is really what will help you most. - reaching out to others when you know you need help -
That is a gift we could only hope to give others.... but it's the gift you have to give yourself.
I grew up in an alcoholic home. My father was dr jeckle and mr hyde. Lauging and joking one minute and screaming and furious the next. It wasn't until years after he found his sobriety that I learned that he was sick. It wasn't a cold... he didn't sneese, he was affected by alcoholism and he screamed and broke things.
Knowing it's not about you is just the begining, but you can work through the feelings. They are tougher, but that is what this program is all about. It can be done. My Dad and I are good friends now, but it took a long time.
Welcome to our family. I hope you will continue to post with us.
Take care of you!
-- Edited by rtexas at 00:05, 2007-01-19
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"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
I think sometimes being angry is a healthy thing. My Dad was a violent man not so much to my mother but to all his children. I think it took a long time for me to feel angry at him. When I did it was good for me. I did express some of that to him and confronted him on his actions. Over time I have come to see my father differently but I do not justify his actions in any way.
Many of us struggle with parents who act one way one moment and another the next. That can be very confusing.
I also grew up with a father who was like two sides of a coin. I hated him for so long, I was convinced I would not be able to let this go. Since I joined Al-Anon, I have realised Yes my dad loved me, Yes I was hurt. I am also realizing my dad was married to my mum NOT me. She chose to remain with him. He did not remember all he had done when he was drunk, and It was easy for him to be the greatest dad when he was sober.
I would ask you to keep comming here and you will find the answers. You may one day accept your life, NOT forget, but learn to live In the present, going Into your future, and NOT live In your past. I know some pictures stay In our heads for life. But we have to just learn to push them aside or It will beat us.
yeah tonite!
