Yeah. Right.   I called my A's cell phone this morning and left him the message that I was just calling to see if he was okay, that we were sorry about what happened to him (the relapse), and were concerned about his being sicker than could be expected. That is all I said. He called back 4 hours later sounding like he does have a bad cold (but he was sober) and told  me that he was alright but he just had a bad cold that was bothering him! Well, I told him that we had been very worried after this binge because of his other health issues and that a cold was a piece of cake after that. He asked if I had prayed for him. I told him yes. Then he said it was "just this cold getting to me now". I just said as long as you're okay otherwise, the cold is nothing and he said "yeah. yeah. yeah". He said he wanted to call our daughter later and then we hung up. No lectures, no yelling, no attitudes,etc.  When I went home for lunch break, I had a phone message from one of the guys of this 2-man construction company that my A occasionally does work for and who he had lined up some work with recently. Now, these guys never call our home phone - they always call the A's cell phone when they want to talk to him. But the message I got from this guy was directed to me. He said he had gotten a phone call from my A a few nights ago (which would've been when my A was drunk. My A ALWAYS makes calls to everyone he ever met in his life when he's drunk!) and he couldn't understand what my A was talking about. He hoped everything was alright but was concerned and asked if I'd call him back. But I didn't want to. These guys are really nice guys and they really like my A and always call him to do work with them when they have a big job. I have never discussed my A's drinking with them or anyone else he does work for nor do I ever intend to. They may be concerned about him but they also need a man of his trade to get the job done. If I said anything about my A they might say "sorry to hear that" but they'll also understandably get someone else. I just don't think it's my place to be involved in that. If my A loses his jobs, it's all on him, not me and anything I said to anyone. ....So anyway, I decided to call my A and relay the message. I told him what the guy said - that he didn't quite understand what my A was talking about the other night and that he was concerned. My A then went on to say how he had already called the guy earlier this morning and it was about the electrician's job at the job site. He was going into some explanation about electricity!!!!!!!! (pullleeeze!!) But I had to cut him off and say "he didn't say anything about a job. he just said he didn't know what you were saying and was concerned". Then I had to go back to work..........You know this is HARD! I started thinking about control issues I may have them but can't always see where. In hindsight, I think this may be one area. This was another episode of where I could've just left the whole thing alone. There was no friction or anything like that about it between me and A but I believe I was trying to let him know that other people know he was drunk by the calls he made. Relaying this phone message was like giving me a disquised way to say "YOU WERE DRUNK!!!"  I don't know if my A sensed that or not but what matters is that I know what I was doing. The control issues, the wishing and hoping that everything would just all go away. I'm trying to pick myself up and keep stumbling. I'm diving into self-help tonight, boy!. Now there's another problem - car insurance. We have to have the same policy because we're married. He's staying somewhere else now and got himself a new P.O. box (because I screamed at him to just before he left here 3 mos. ago.) but we are still married. If he gets a DWI or DUI, has an accident or lets one of his drunken buddies drive his truck (they always do) and they hit another vehicle (god forbid anyone gets hurt or killed because of it), the insurance will sky-rocket and I may end up having to pay if he, should he drink again,decides he won't. The only way to get a separate policy from him is for him to have the address on his driver's liscense changed and then he has to give that to the ins. co. before they issue him a separate policy. He could, if he wanted, simply not do that and I'll be stuck. Of course, we do have to have our plan B's and mine is to go to his place again, should he be drinking again, and take the plates off his truck and turn them in. It will work temporarily (he could just put the truck back on the road and it will still be under our one policy) but I will, if I have to, keep taking them off until he gets the message. You know what, though? This may sound funny but asking him to change his liscence's address is almost like asking for a divorce......jaja