The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hi. I am very new to all of this. My husband is an alcoholic, and he very recently started to address it. Just before Christmas, he went to Home Depot to pick up a part for our water heater, and never came home until the next morning at 7 AM. I was leaving for work. He was terrified, had been hanging out with people he would NEVER otherwise hang out with, blacked out, NEVER called me to let me know where he was, etc. He confessed he'd been drinking every day, I always thought he drank a lot more than the typical person (I don't drink).
Since that morning, he has started seeing a counselor who has advised him to attend AA 3-5 X a week. I am also meeting with a different counselor beginning next week (appointments take FOREVER to get!!!)
Anyway, last week, he missed his appointment with his counselor because of a work commitment. Then yesterday, he had an appointment, but in the evening as I was waiting for him to get home so that we could go to the gym, he called and left me a message. He had stopped to have a beer with his DAD! (He has NOT talked to his parents about his problem). He did come immediately home and went to the gym with me, but he is now saying that it is totally fine for him to have a beer when he wants to. His goal two weeks ago was to stay sober for 6 months, and attend AA regularly. I am completely freaking out because I have no idea how I am supposed to respond to this. I know I am not supposed to treat him like a naughty child, but what am I supposed to do? HE REFUSES to talk about it, and gets INCREDIBLY ANGRY if I bring it up. I do NOT want to antagonize him.
One more piece of this is that I am 6 months pregnant with our first baby. I am TERRIFIED that he is giving up on counseling and AA, two things he was so passionate about just weeks ago.
Advice? I cannot stand to wait a whole week to see a counselor!
Michigan so glad you're here! I too am pregnant, with a marriage truly being tested. If you need ANYTHING don't hesitate to say something. As to your husband, how many of the alanon steps have u learned? some of ours are close to theirs (AA). let go and let god, is a great one, but probably one of the hardest. all i can say for now is keep up the counseling visits, and keep coming here. there is NOTHING u can do to stop him, and its not ur job or responsibility. try to talk to him, but if he becomes irrational (which is not uncommon), let him go. encourage him going to the meetings, help him get there if u can. but most importantly, concentrate on u! do what u need to do, for ur child and urself.
Just wanted to welcome you to MIP and to Al-anon. The best suggestion I can give you it to get to a face to face meeting, pick up some literature, get phone numbers, work on a support system for YOU.....
Please remember the three c's
Alcoholism is a disease: you did not Cause it, you cannot Cure it, you cannot Control it.
Your husband probably really meant what he said two weeks ago, it is all part of the disease. He is negotiating with it, he will not win, but has to try anyway.
If you go to the main page here you will find a link to face to face meetings....they have saved my life.
I am so glad that you reached out.. this disease is so isolating, you did something that you should be very proud of. By reaching out you took the first step in regaining your own serenity... keep coming back, you will find that you are not alone.
