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I have been trying to use the tools of al-anon to deal with my AH and his irresponsibility, but I just unloaded about a year's worth of built up resentment on him.
A year and a half ago he went into renal failure due to a double blockage of his kidneys brought on by dehydration (alcohol was his only drink). His insurance covered about 50% of the bills leaving us with $12,000 in medical bills for a 2-night hospital stay and surgery. We had a very valid argument for the insurance co to pay about 75% of the bills, but it was his responsibility to deal with the hospital/ins co. We are in debt up to our eyeballs already, so I have been paying about $100/mo toward medical bills per mo. He never called the insurance co or filed paperwork with the hospital for a payment plan, so today we got a document from the hospital saying they are filing with the courts to collect the debt....I lost it.
Through tears I told him that I am through with his lip service, his occassional meetings, lack of sponsor, working only 10-15 hours per week, not picking up his crap, depending on me to "take care of everything, being drunk all the time. I told him that he has to get a sponsor, work his program, and take care of business starting now or I quit. I know in al anon we say not to give ultimatums we don't mean, well I didn't. We own a business together. I told him that if it wasn't running smoothly and progressing by June, then I am getting another job and quitting the business. I backed that up by saying that I don't mean "uh-oh it's almost June, I better get my sh*t together, I mean definable, sober, normal living beginning now or I leave you and the business in June." That will give me time to find the right job to take by June. Another thing, I will not be leaving him. If we split he is the one who will be going. I will not move our daughter because he is a drunk who can't handle even manage to bathe regularly. I am out of compassion.
Sorry this is so hostile, I was so enraged. I feel like I have been run over by a truck. BBsteps
I think that "unloading" syndrome is going around. You are human and it sounds like the situation you all are in with the medical bills and his business is a sticky one. I'll keep you in my prayers about that financial peace. Ya know it doesn't sound like a bad idea to keep your feelers out for a plan B with the job situation. It is so hard to depend on A's; especially if they are actively drinking. I know in my situation, my A has always looked to me to clean up his messes, but I also set myself up for that. If I were not in a codependent cycle when I met him and didn't do for him that which he should have done for himself, and used better boundaries, I wouldn't be fighting to enforce those boundaries so hard now. I guess better late than never. So hang in there. Keep the focus on you, what you can do to better your situation, and what you want to do for your serenity and your daughter's serenity. I think its perfectly normal for you to be ticked at him right now. When you are ready you will let that anger go, I would use for positive right now.
Peace,
Twinmom~
__________________
"The people who don't mind matter and the people who mind, don't matter". (Dr. Seuss)
have you contacted the hospital about a patient assistance program? Normally they will waive part or all of the bill if you are under a certain income level. Also, might want to talk to someone about the insurance coverage. Sounded like you thought they should have paid more. I thought they had out of pocket maximums? Like 3000 a year or something? Just some thoughts. I hate nothing more than paying outrageous medical bills.
You are human and it sounds like the situation you all are in with the medical bills and his business is a sticky one. I'll keep you in my prayers about that financial peace. Ya know it doesn't sound like a bad idea to keep your feelers out for a plan B with the job situation. It is so hard to depend on A's; especially if they are actively drinking. I know in my situation, my A has always looked to me to clean up his messes, but I also set myself up for that. If I were not in a codependent cycle when I met him and didn't do for him that which he should have done for himself, and used better boundaries, I wouldn't be fighting to enforce those boundaries so hard now. I guess better late than never. So hang in there. Keep the focus on you, what you can do to better your situation, and what you want to do for your serenity and your daughter's serenity. I think its perfectly normal for you to be ticked at him right now. When you are ready you will let that anger go, I would use for positive right now.