The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
the details: my dad died in may. his house has been on the market since june. his friend/excutor has been living there and taking care of it before and since dad died. i am renting a little house and my lease is up in march. so my dad's friend has suggested that the kids and i move in there and he'll move out. because i (my dad's estate) am paying for the upkeep (morgage, utilities,etc) for my dad's place and paying all those things on my little place too. so, finacially it would make sense. my plan is to buy a place with the money i'll get from the sale of my dad's place.
i am not sure what the right thing is to do. there are pros and cons to both situations. i have no one i can really talk to about it. i mean, i do....you guys and my home group. i don't expect anyone to give me an answer. but besides the pros and cons and gut feelings is there any other tool that anyone uses to make decisions? one of my favorites is to not decide. but in this case no decision = homelessness. so, i have to be the grown up here and do something. any esh?
I must say a gave a little chuckle to the one of your favorites thing--the no decision. Sometimes (most of the time) I complain and worry b/c I have a decision to make and now idea how to make it so I avoid it, then it's not my fault if things to out badly--it's b/c I was so rushed I was "doing the best I could".
ANYHOO!! I think that even if you moved into your dad's place you would be saving money, b/c then you wouldn't be paying for the upkeep and stuff on top of your own stuff. You might be able to save up some that way and then eventually sell his place and find something newer or "special" just for you, but at least you wouldn't be in a hurry.
I feel I've got a PhD in agonising over decisions - the paralysis of analysis I've heard it called. For me it's usually about feeling there is some 'right' or 'perfect' decision out there (and always there's the aditional struggle to know what I want ahead of having this sense of what others want - the old 'people pleasing' gene which comes with growing up in an alcoholic family for me)
One concrete suggestion which helped me in the past was to imagine that your best friend faced the situation and choices which you are facing just now. What would you advise them to do? For me that helped me to see some of what I wanted years ago when faced with ending a relationship and leaving a place I called home.
Another, more mundane idea, was to make a decision in your head but don't act on it - go around with it 'made' for 24 hours - that way gave me the opportunity to feel what the new situation was like with a big decision between 2 jobs I was offered in the late 80s - and then I woke up the next morning and realised I was making the wrong decison. For me this illness dislocates me from my 'gut' feelings - so busy second guessing others - and I need more reflective time than most to get in touch with what is right for me. Often I can sense something isn't right for me long before I can put it into words.
Good luck with what ever you decide to do
Autumn
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'Worry doesn't prevent disaster..... it prevents joy'
