Al-Anon Family Group

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

Members Login
Username 
 
Password 
    Remember Me  
Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> he has been gone for days
Post Info TOPIC: he has been gone for days
jewely


Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 260
Date:
he has been gone for days
Permalink  

he has been gone for days........................,


and, i find my mind slipping back into old thought patterns.


where is he?


is he  okay?


in jail?


got his own place?


out at the campround?


the other morning, it was thirty below zero.


when i went out to start my vehicle the stinging cold snapped at my fingers,


and,


i wondered..............,


is he sleeping in his truck somewhere? [he has done that before].


is he a frozen corpse in the camper and no one has found him yet?


i try to tell myself,


if you haven't heard anything, he is okay?


to be honest,


i am to the point where the most annoying part of this whole situation is ME!!!!


why can't i reprogram my brain to react a different way?


why can't i get my stomach to stop doing flip flops?


i have been told i have post traumatic stress syndrom.


i hate believing anything is wrong with me.


i just want to be well.


i want to be like david in psalm 23.........,


''yea though i walk through the valley of the shadow of death, i will fear no evil".


i know i cannot help ken,


i know it is All about me.


i know, i know, i know.


things have become soooooooooooooooooo bad around here i can barely function when he is around.


the highs are reealllllllllllly high,


the lows are reealllllllllllllllllllly low,


the good is reaalllllllllllllllllllllllllly good,


and,


the bad is oh so bad.


things with my youngest daughter are bad right now too.


stuff going on that i didn't know people did [not decent ones anyway]


i worry my youngest brother is dying,


and,


i wonder if i will be able to get to the funeral.


it is a  long way from alberta to ottawa ontario.


stupid thoughts, he is not dead yet.


i know i can't fix anything by writing here.


and,


some one is bound to reply with some step four advice[but i am not ready to do another one yet]


when i do go on board i find myself doing what i always do as i chat with others.


i minimize.


i read other posts and they are all so sad or so glad,


and ,


i just feel so good to be a part of such wonderful people,


or


i am exceedingly cautious before i share my true feelings,


it never occurs to tell it like it really is.


and,


just for today...............,


i did.


thanks for allowing me to share.


blessings,


jewely


 



__________________
Lunamoth


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 659
Date:
Permalink  

(((((Jewely)))


Fear and powerlessness....I'm right there with you today.  Know you're not alone.  The years I've been in this program and it still doesn't seem to take much to have me thrown right back in that mental crap, that cycle of wanting to "know" what he's doing, where he's at or even if he's still with us. 


I can so relate to the ups and downs, the really good times and the really bad times.  It's like the wonderful days are so wonderful that it keeps us hanging on thinking this could possibly last, then there is a really bad day(s), but they last to the point to where we think, I can't take this any more ....and all of a sudden there is another wonderful day.  Or it gets to that point where we just wish they'd go away for a while and they do, then our minds eat us up with where are they.... Insane cycle. 


I'm not going to recommend a 4th step to you.  What helps me is working on gratitude and acceptance and living in the moment.  When the cycle is really good/really bad I do my best to accept that the good days are what they are, a good day-- I appreciate them, they seem to get fewer and fewer.  I can look at that day and my A and appreciate the moment.  I don't feel sad that it won't last because I do my best to stay in that moment, not in that place where I want to say "I wish it would remain like this..."  When the days are really bad, I work my gratitude, there are too many other good things for me focus on, that if I'm not aware of them I'll miss the blessing that they are.  I distance myself from the A, work a mental gratitude list and do the best to put a smile on my face and share it with others.


And when I'm faced with my powerless, I pray.  I get busy with some task and I pray while I do it, I mentally turn over my A to my HP and I work at getting somethings done.  It is the only way for me to get out of that mental gerbal wheel, cause I just can't think it away, so I tend to just think it and think it and think it....producing nothing for me but wasted time and enegry and building fear and frustration.   I get busy...especially when I want to sit and think.


Please take what you like and leave the rest.  Know you aren't alone. 


((((Hugs and prayers)))))


LM



__________________
lory


Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 19
Date:
Permalink  

I sure could relate with your share I do see myself in it, I am slowly learning to detach from this horrible disease but it is not easy I am a work in progress I have to try hard to focus on myself, take care your alanon friend

__________________
Jennifer


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 1382
Date:
Permalink  

((jewely))


"i minimize"


Thank you for sharing. I minimize too, alot. Just for today I am gonna try not to.


Jennifer


 



__________________
jewely


Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 260
Date:
Permalink  

hello ,


i am home.


i went to town to watch baby today.


she is such a charming, darling,mischevious almost devious bundle of one year old joy.[grandaughter]


before i came i stopped by a little restuarant overlooking the river.


had an expensive meal !!!!!! one only i could like.


had tea with a local member of AA group,


he helped me understand .........a bit.


stayed at the restaraunt for the local philosophy meeting.


it was so so.


took my mind off the moment.


ken called.


he is coming home tomorrow.


i know i will be here. i always am.


right now i feel sad .


yes.


i am crying.


he called out of desperation today. i could here it in his voice.


he knows something is wrong. he doesn't know what it is.


i am sure i can't tell him.


it is not my place.


this is between him and his higher power.


to make matters worse,


something has happened with work.


there is none.


he has been off since before christmas.


he has to bring the trailor home,


the campground isn't available anymore.


things just seem to be on a downward spiral.


i know there will be another bad day,


what i am afraid of is..........................,


what happens if i snap?


i mean really and truly SNAP !!!!


we live in a very very small town.


there is no alanon group,


no sponsers, no one to turn to, and nowhere to go.


well,


i guess this is just another.......


LET GO and LET GOD situation.


i am just afraid sometimes,


without outside support,


CAN  I DO IT !!!!!


time will tell.


thank you for your replies .


they were so nice to see when i got home.


makes me feel like,


YES,


with MIP,


I WILL MAKE IT.


blessings to all of you,


jewely


 



__________________
Page 1 of 1  sorted by
 
Quick Reply

Please log in to post quick replies.
Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> he has been gone for days