Hello everyone....I hope you all know how much power our collective ESH has!

This board (I can't seem to get into chat room...I can't make f2f schedules) has been a huge part of my life this past month.

After my breakdown the other night(thanks for the kindness),I feel I went to a new level of recovery. Mainly peacefull forgiveness and awareness of the healing I want to do for me.

As a result of looking more deeply at myself than I ever have, I am in a new state of mind.
I am realizing so much.....I feel sort of dizzy with it all.
Reading the 12 steps, the serenity prayer,reading the slogans you all rely on, reading Co-Dependent No More......
Searching my soul...step #4...I am looking for the roots of my shortcomings...I am humbled, I am forgiving myself.

With me so much as the focus right now, the challenge of my boyfriend coming home tomorrow from being at detox/rehab for 6 weeks seems not so overwhelming. I am so focused on me and DEEP stuff, him and us, feel small.

I write that with caution...hoping not to sound naive or in denial.

I am too tired and peacefull feeling from MY RECOVERY PROCESS to worry too much about him.
I don't say it negatively, I am thrilled to see him and share some life together sober.
But my energy is limited and most of it goes to parenting, the rest is going to me right now.

Part of me says...well then why risk the stability you have made foryourself by having him come back?

Because love plays a large part in this and another chance is what I will do this time and I have done this work so far as he has done his....by ourselves but beside each other.

I pray that I can maintain this in the presence of his recovery....if it can be parallel what a beautiful thing.
We are going to try.
But I know that if his presence is too disruptive....we go our seperate ways.
If he can't stay sober, we are done.

Thanks for the love I feel from you all already....it is amazing for me to know I can count on it.

Love,fifi