I told him he had no more stuff here, and his sitting in the living room, hovering over me was invading my space. I said aT HIS IS MY APARTMENT. Boy did I feel mixed up iside after saying that.

I can't believe he just wants to  end it. It proves the booze is more important than mme. That's ok. I have friends. I love myslef today.

I have to admit that when he first left, I actually had the thoughts of harming myself, and at that moment, I didn't care if it killed me.

I am worth more than that. God isn't finished with me. This breakup may be painful and difficult,  but I think in the long run I will be happy I got freel

that doesn't mean I won't keep praying for him. I truly, love this man, and it really hurts to see alcohol take it all away.

I mean, I my physical limitaions, and my mental illness, both of which I am on meds for, seem to make me striggle when I think about what he goes thru.

But what he does are choices. We all have them.

once more, if you feel in danger, then call the police.  i don't get it.

              If there is danger involved here you do need to remove yourself from your apartment and call police. And get immediate help for yourself if you are on the verge of harming yourself. Your life is certainly worth more than ANYTHING else! You have to remember that alcohol is ruling this man and it has NOTHING to do with you no matter what he says. Sometimes we believe their drinking is due to something we said or did. That's what our active A's want us to believe - it gives them an excuse to continue drinking because they cannot stop without help for themselves. It is NOT about you or anything you've done and he is no way, shape, or form, able to think or discuss anything realistically at this time. Put the focus on yourself, get out of harm's way. Take care of yourself, do what you must do to be safe and you can deal with the rest later.....jaja

 

You are only human; of course, you are going to feel bad after dissolving a relationship. At least you made the effort to make a change. It is easy to say forget about the material things and think about your life without the alcoholic person around. I am in a similar situation. I wish I had the courage to give up everything (material things) and start over. I don't want to leave my house, I want him to be the one to leave since he is the one with the alcohol problems. However, because we have our grandchild with us, I don't want to leave my house and start over with another school for our grandson. I believe if he is truly a real man, he would be considerate enough to leave this imbalance situation. The problem is he does not think he has the alcohol problem. My husband is the only one who drinks heavily in our household but he is not the only one with problems. It is just the alcohol is harming our family with his imbalance ways when he drinks.

 

I can relate very well to the way that you are only reacting to the actions of others, rather than choosing your own actions. I spent years doing this, but you do NOT have to do this.

Right now you are racketing around like a pinball, careening from one thing to another. When he is there you want him out, when he is gone you want him back. He is taking advantage of this - he knows that you can be manipulated, because you are not sure of what you want.

So, accept that - you don't know what you want. The sensible thing to do is not to take any action until you DO know. There is no point in us here telling you how to get him out, if you are not sure that you want to be rid of him.

The way to start towards finding out what you really do want is to start small, if you must. Find one thing that you know for sure you want, and do what is necessary to get that. It may be something very small - it seems to me that you are already working on this, by the way you are making sure that you get the time on the computer that you need. Once you feel stable about that change, find another that you are sure you want to make, and move towards it.

Some of this may happen slowly, and some may surprise you with how fast it happens. You will find that you get better at understanding yourself the more you do it - also it gets easier to stick up for yourself. Practice makes perfect.

You can allow yourself to just let go, as much as possible, of things that are not part of your plan. For example, if his relatives being there bothers you, but you do not yet feel able or willing to do what you must to get rid of them, then go into another room maybe, while they are there.

Of course this will not always work smoothly, but any change is better than the chaos you are living in now - even a small step towards control of yourself and your own serenity will move you in the right direction.

Stacie, I agree with Lin, AndiLynn and all the other replies you have gotten to your shares here.

Several things come to mind for me when I hear you

(sharing from my own point of view here)

One is despite my best efforts I have never ever been able to force a situation /or someone to my liking.

And I  have found that by doing nothing is infact doing something.

Once I tried something different -Instead of reacting and acting in haste – in that moment I stopped and just breathed (The Serenity Prayer helps calm me) I found that I was doing something after all.

You say  are unsure of so many things and admittedly tired so the best suggestion I can offer is Keeping It Simple as can be for right now

It took a long time for me to even realize I needed help, tho once I arrived I heard by working the Al-Anon Program I would learn to place my problems in their true perspective, one day at a time, or minute if need be.  

I also pleaded with my A to quit the drinking. To please, just simply ‘stop’ For us, our child, our marriage our home. Nothing I did was powerful enough for him to see it –to get it. The disease won.

Once I found this program, I began to understand Alcoholism as a Disease: I didn’t cause it, I cannot cure it, I cannot control it.

I can not imagine anyone choosing to lose their health; career; home and family. Although the disease is capable of that.
I hope you can get to meetings –many offer rides

It works if you work it- so work it you ‘re worth it! 

I know I am so very grateful for this program in my life

wishes, T