The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I don't want to make out my life is all doom and gloom. 3 months ago I found a friend just by chance. He is not someone I would normally call a friend. He has major major disability issues. This friend has turned out to be really "there" for me. In November they were available enough to help me when I was in a real crisis. I know this new friendship (especially with a man) has meant that I now look at life a little differently. I now want a relationship where I can be totally honest about my feelings and what is going on for me. I always existed in a veil of people pleasing before. I hid and I hid and I hid. I never imagined I could have a relationship where I could be honest.
This one friendship and I believe this board (I do know that my deep deep codependency is slow to move..and transform) has meant that I am more present in my relationships. Now I can be "there" for the few people I interact with. I don't interact with many people. I don't have that much time for social nicieties at the moment. I let go of dysfunctional friendships a lot quicker these days. I used to hold onto them, store up resentments and more. Now I let go I give people a lot of chances and in time if it isn't serving me (and my needs are pretty small) I let go. I had years and years of dysfunctional relationships to inventory now the on going inventory is just with the A and some entrenched behaviors I have.
One friendship and one board can change your life. This board has helped me immeasurably. I know I would be totally paralyzed in depression without the A is so impossible to deal with and so volatile. One day he is ok the next impossible. I would not be even able to assemble a plan be without this place let alone try to enact it when everything seems against me.
You said - "One friendship and one board can change your life"
What a statement. As the disease progresses it appears that it thrives on isolation. We and the A's need to be isolated in order to really go down the path of self-destruction. My AW and I fed off each other and chased everyone else away until we were both so sick....
I thank my HP every day for this program and this fellowship. Thank you for being here!
Take care of you!
__________________
"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
Maresie, The part of your post about letting your codependency-parts transform slowly definitely rang true. I try to focus on the baby steps....and sometimes each one feels like a free fall!
I too used to put up with a lot of friendships that I did not truly need or like....I was just everybody's best friend. These days I am saving myself ....for me and my kids....
But as I take the steps to no longer feed those unhealthy friendships, I meet resistance within myself. Guilt, maybe I am being too harsh, maybe I am not polite enough, maybe they really are a good friend and it is me at fault, what are they feeling about what I said....ugh.
I have to remind myself to trust me and be good to me and focus on what I need....what do they say, take what you like and leave the rest....it feels awkward...but I sure have more time and energy for me!
Thanks for your post - it got me thinking.
Glad this board helped save your life. It sure is saving mine.
Your words, progress ot perfection in right on girlfriend, can't be perfect but we can move forward, and live a little more (((((normal))))) life....which for means peaceful, just to have some peace....wow...that is huge for me....my life is by far perfect but damn maresie I am making progress.
Hang in there, remember slow, we have to crawl before we walk and after all, our lives have benn parralized by the world of addiction.
