The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
tried to explalin i don't feel well , would just like to lay down and QUIETLY watch tv.
HE IS THERE !!!!!!
oh, he has no problem with me laying down to watch tv.
he thinks it is a great idea, while he sits next to me, and rifles through his toolbox.
and,
might i mention,
HIS CONSTANT MUNCHING !!!!!!
he never stops chewing.
i feel like i am living with Templeton the Rat [Charlotte's Web].
he bought us a new tv for christmas. it really is a lovely thing, surround sound and a whole lot of features[that neither of us can work].
that tv has been on a lot!!!!!! since it moved into our house.
now i don't mind tv, especially with surrround sound. classical music will sound great on it.
uhh no!
SEINFEILD, over and over and over again. occassioanlly we get a break and watch EVERYBODY LOVES RAYMOND.
after watching these shows a few to many times,
i find myself wondering [sorry guys] if men are really that dumb?
we live in an older log home. it's our dream.
guess what the flip side to your dream is?
your worst nightmare!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
the renovating never stops.
just today, i got things straightened up. finally feeling caught up after the christmas holidays.
the nice neat house lasted less than an hour. he is tending to some household task that must be done. [and i understand it must be done] the rugs are lifted, the hammer is out, the tool box and it contents everywhere, debris all over the floor and i am wondering,
when will he be done?
why did it have to be today?
couldn't he have done it during the summer when i could have at least gone outside?
the other day i told him he made the lovliest cup of tea i have ever tasted. after that innocent comment, i had a cup of tea at my elbow everytime i turned around. do you know how much time i have spent in the bathroom? i don't want to hurt his feelings by telling him "please no more" and he is always to close for me to discreetly throw it down the sink.
he has just been distracted from his task at hand by the space program on tv [no not Seinfeld] .the volume is up very loud because he WAS vacuuming and seems to have forgotten that he WAS fixing the wall on the other side of the room.
a few minutes ago he had to come and see what i was doing,
even escaping to the computer to complain to you is impossible!
it is like living with an overgrown ten year old.
and,
i realize
'' I AM NOT HAPPY WITH MYSELF'',
because,
he is trying so hard and it is bugging the H_LL out of me.
thanks for taking the time to read this.
any experience, strength and hope to share with me?
Jewely, You know what is weird? My A was like that too. When he was, he wanted something. Also I relate to the little boy thing.
My AH has mpd. So he had several changes in his personality. He was horrible abused as a child, and there was something strange about him and his mom.
sorry did not mean to go on like that.
to me this is just typical behavior. Most A's are terribly immature until they have many years of sobriety under their belt.
Well I was no help. If it were me, I would get some headphones and go lay on my bed or the couch and zone out... do you like to read? get lost in a book, or even books on cd's and tapes are fun.
Any chance you can talk to him about this? If he is driving you crazy, he deserves the chance to stop.
I am a person who desperately needs time alone, and my whole family has been made aware of this from the get go. We live in a very small house, and there is no room that I can go to to be alone, even if everyone wanted to let me. So, I take walks, (yes, even in the winter), I go for drives, and I take baths. Sometimes, when I have a lot of work to do around the house but can't stand the closeness of other people, I put a book on tape on my walkman and say "I'm going to listen to my book now, don't bother me."
This is your home, you have the right to ask for what you need, within reason.
I agree that the problem is probably within yourself, rather than with him as such. Might be a case of "Careful what you ask for..." I know that during the really bad years, I spend so much time in my head, hating my husband and feeling trapped by my love for him, that when he was just normally around, not doing anything much one way or the other, I found it very hard to have a "regular" emotion about him. The whole relationship was just too fraught with drama, in my head. If I wasn't full of despair and anguish, I just didn't know how to feel.
lin said exactly what i thought, also... talk to him, be honest, be open. one of the hens here mentioned something about chewing gum == finally, the husband spoke up after 20 years and said 'that is bothering me'... no problem, no hurt. just moving on. you are WORTH speaking up to let your partner know that he is bothering you with some behavior. 20 seconds of loving honesty might bring ya 20 minutes, hours, days, years of peace??? is it worth a try? it is not too much to ask of your husband.
much love cj
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time to stop going to the hardware store to buy bread.
Because, I can hear my sponsor saying "You are WAY over due for a 4th step. You're controlling a situation that doesn't need to be controlled, you're trying to fix things that don't need to be fixed, you're trying to place yourself in positions where you're not needed. And, Surprise, Surprise! You're becoming resentful because you're not midning your own business, doing the next right thing, doing what you should be doing and focusing on your higher power wants you to do. He has nothing to do with the way you're feeling. But because he's the most local person in your vicinity, he's you're scapegoat."
So I'd say, "Where to from here?"
She'd say, "You tell me."
I'd say, "The first step would be a meeting. Then, after the meeting, a quiet, private place to pray. Then, after praying, begin inventorying why it is I feel a need to be a mother, martyr, manipulater, and manager, and why it is I'm so surprised I'm becoming resentful, when I know from past experiences these behaviors cause me nothing but pain and hardship."
She'd say *click* As in, go do it. As in, don't waste my time with your excuses and whining when you know what it takes to stay serene, stable and happy.
just read all these posts...and good work! sounds like others' ESH really helped and you got to a more peaceful place. this is why we are here.
as i read your first entry, i felt myself pulled between saying - hey get outta the house and look at you - seems like you are obsessing on something and maybe you need a chance to think about what is underneath that needing to control. And then i felt myself saying - ask for what you need and you deserve that space in your own home. sounds like you managed both. with the big help of the old moral inventory taking and admitting your own negative behavior.
you inspire me today as i try to handle similar conflict - that conflict seems to be everywhere......makes me know i have a lot of work to do.
