The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have lived with my AH for 17 years, and we have both raised his children together that his ex-wife left 17 years ago. I have had these kids since they were 2 and 6. They are now 19 and 23. They have kept in touch with their mother but never lived with her, visited a couple of times where she lives out of state but she is an addict and they had hard times with her, so we rarely let them go with her.
Last week we heard the news that she had been apparently murdered, and it is quite a blow. In the last couple of years, instead of feeling mad and angry at her, I have had true compassion for her and realized that she was sick, and she loved these kids the best that she could. Now she has died a horrible death, and the kids are devastated.
As a recovering alcoholic/addict myself, I am so proud to say that I am trying my best to really be there for these kids in this time of horrible tragedy. No matter what kind of life that she lead, she loved those kids and they loved her. My AH has been sober for two months now, and I am so proud of him also. He is strong and supportive at a time when our kids really really need him. It is a wake up call maybe for him, that they really need him to be aware and to be sober.
My prayers are with all of you and thank you all for teaching me so much about life, compassion and the most important thing we can daily practice for free, love.
I am so sorry for all of you -- you, the beautiful, compassionate lady you are; your hubby, we all have love for the ones we married despite the outcome; and most importantly, your children. What a blow is true. I don't have the ESH and can't imagine what that is like.
Your love and compassion will help get them through this most difficult time of their lives so that this tragedy does not jade their view of the world.
yours in recovery,
Maria
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If I am not for me, who will be? If I am only for myself, then who am I? If not now, when?
You know.... I had to stop myself and think about timing and HP when I read your post. Just as my relationship with my AW came to a head and things really needed to happen, my ASon settled down and started college. He has been an absolute godsend to my youngest. They are great buddies and needed each other during all this.
Your husband is sober now and available to help your boys with this horrable tragedy... what a blessing.
You sound stong and will no doubt be a great comfort to them.
You are all in my prayers.
Take care of you!
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"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
so very sorry to hear this. Isn't it a miracle that your husband is sober, and able to be there for his kids, and for you? And you are able to be there for them? Miracles in the midst of a tragedy.
You and the kids are in my prayers. You are right about hope. There are those who make it...and that is a beautiful thing. If I couldn't see it happen, I wouldn't believe, but their are too many who have made it, that I have to believe that there is hope.
I am so glad for your Ah and children, that they both have each other at this time.
Oh Heidi, I am so sorry for you and your family.. I can echo what has already been said which is everything is part of our "HP Plan" we just dont understand it all the time.. I think you are so compasionate and understand what it is like to love someone with an addiction and that compassion will help you comfort the kids and your husband during this difficult time.. You are in my prayers, I am so sorry !! Please hug the kids for me and please stay strong.. !! If you need me I am HERE for YOU just as you were ME ..
Thanks for everything that you have done to offer a wonderful soft shoulder to cry on and a ear I could talk to for as long as needed..
You are a wonderful person and your family is so lucky to have you !!
Thanks for being there for the kids. Losing a Mom hurts no matter what. I'm so glad they have you and a sober Dad to stand by them at this awful time. I'm sure they will remember every word and action at this crucial time in their lives.
Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
Hate to hear of this horrible situation for you, your husband and your children (it doesn't matter if you didn't give birth to them - after being with those little ones as they have grown into adults - I'm sure they are as much a part of your heart as any other child would be). Please know that prayers are being said for everyone. Especially for you - there is nothing much harder for a Mom than to watch her children experience such pain. As parents, we want to protect them from pain - this you can't, but I'm sure your HP will lead you the right way to give them the love, support and comfort they need at this time.
Remember there are support groups, therapy and other avenues to help everyone deal with such a tragedy.
Love & hugs,
Rita
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No matter what me and my God are going to be ok, even better than OK -
what strength you have not to be angry that she threw her life away on the disease. I hope someday I can be there. I am also so happy for your children that you can be "there" for them. I am nevertheless sad that your life has been touched in this way. I hope to get compassion and love back for the A at some point. I do not have it at the moment. Someday it will come back I think when my detachment gets stronger.
It is indeed horrible news. My heart breaks for the kids. You show great compassion and kindness towards these children and your A. You're right, no addict, no one for that matter, deserves such a fate. We are all children of our HP. Keep doing what you are doing. Your A and the kids can only be better off for it. You have grown tremendously since you've been here. I am proud of you.
I will keep you and your family in my prayers. I hope you A's sobriety sticks. If anything good comes out of this horrible mess, may it serve as a wake up call to your A and others as well. By the grace of God that could have been anyone of our As.
Love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong,
Karilynn
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
