The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
thank you for responding to my "New Here" message as well as everyone else.
I just wanted to write you since you since you also have 3 1/2 yr old twins. I just don't want my son to experience this anymore. i hate that fact that he hears us argue about As' drinking. He even has asked my A recently, what happens if you get thirsty? Mommy doesn't want you to drink. I explained to my son that there are some things that make daddy sick and thats what I don't want him to drink but its OK if he drinks water, coffee things like that. How do you deal with this with your twins? I really am feeling lost. I am trying so hard to stay strong but at times I feel like I may just lose it altogether and break down. Thats the last thing that I want to do in front of my son.
Having a break down is neither good nor bad. It's human.
If you need to explain anything to your sons, perhaps explaining simply "Daddy's very sick right now" might be the best thing. There's simply nothing else that needs to be explained.
But I'm more concerned about how resistant you are to a break down. If you were to ask all the members on this board how, when, what it was like to have a break down, the responces will vary. When I had my "nervous breakdown"--I made light of it for quite sometime before I actually had it--I realized this huge sense of peace had come over me. As I sat there, in the tub, sobbing, I finally had this huge sense of surrender. There was nothing I could do. Absolutely nothing. My father's alcholism had made me homeless, living in my car, no food, no clothing, not a dime to my name. I was staying with a friend, had to be out in a day, and had no where to go.
And yet I had absolutely no fear about the future. I knew what I had to do. I had to take care of myself. First, last, always. I knew I could do it. I didn't know how. But I knew I could make it. I didn't know how I was gonna do that, either. But I knew I could.
Later, I went to the hospital, and checked myself in for depression. And for the next 3 days, I listened to professionals help me with the mess of my life that I had tried to manage--and failed miserably. I felt humiliated, ashamed, angry at myself, and just horrified--how could I let this happen? How was it that I had let my life become such a disaster? Hadn't I taken care of my father, no matter how sick, drunk, violent, vicious, or, god forbid, close to death he was? And now here **I** was, in the hospital? What was WRONG here ?!
Nothing was wrong, they told me. I was a care taker, they told me. The problem, they told me was I was taking care of the wrong person. I was taking care of everything else. I was forgetting me.
Later, when I shared, tearfully, in my home group about the event, I was shocked: more than a few people had gone to the psychiatric unit themselves for the exact same reason. One woman had gone SO OFTEN, the hospital had formally asked her NOT TO COME BACK!
If you genuinely feel you might be at the stage I was, PLEASE, ask your doctor to refer you to a professional. In the mean time, find a sponsor and begin step work. It will give you a sense of power. A sense of relief and freedom.
Surrender is a bizarre thing: By letting go, we win. We find the peace we swore that control would give us. Give it a try.
