The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I need help with the situation I am having with my husband. We planned to move into a new house, but for various reasons, we werent able to move. So, my husband became very angry, dissappointed, and verbally abusive. He blamed me for everything. My mother is arriving in two days and I havent seen her in a year. My husband hasnt even met my mom yet. This visit is so important to me and I am so sad he is behaving this way before my mom's visit. He came home this afternoon so drunk and was hammered and staggering around and he said he met a new girl and she was really attractive. He said this to piss me off and make me jealous.
So, then he went upstairs and passed out. Now, I am trying to prepare our home and prepare for my mom's visit all by myself and my marriage is on the rocks. I feel so much anger and stress and I dont know what to do. Im in a foreign country and have no women support and I dont have friends here other than my husbands. So, I feel really alone in this situation. I am going to tell my husband that I need his support while my mom is here and Ill tell him how important this visit is to me. My urge is to kick him out of the house or to leave, but I dont want to escalate the situation and make it worse. I just feel really trapped and unhappy. I am an adult child of an alcoholic and so is my husband. He wants to have a new years eve party here tomorrow night, but I just dont have the energy or the desire to have a party here since I need to get the house ready for my mom. I need some support and guidance about how to deal with him. He kicked the door and screamed out because the butter was put in the refrigerator and got hard. So, he freaks out at every little detail and takes it out on me.
Welcome to Miracles in Progress. I am so sorry you are having a tough time. Try not to put so much expectations on yourself for your mother's visit. Hopefully, she's not judgemental and won't make you feel badly.
You have come to the right place regarding your husband though. This is not your fault. The 3 C's - you didn't Cause it; you cannot Control it; you cannot Cure it.
Keep coming, one day a time things keep improving because we find the courage to change the things we can - ourselves.
yours in recovery, Maria123
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If I am not for me, who will be? If I am only for myself, then who am I? If not now, when?
It's amazing how alcoholics always find a time when we really don't want to make any upheaval, to act out. Our worst times were always at holidays, the kids' birthdays, etc. He knew I wasn't going to walk out the door on Christmas day....
I agree, your mother wants to see you, don't worry too much about things being perfect. If your husband behaves badly, it is no reflection on you - you are not him , and are not responsible for how he behaves.
Please keep coming back, if you read old posts here you may find something helpful. Is there face to face alanon where you are? Going to a meeting can really help you take your life back.
Thank you both so much for those words of guidance. I really appreciate what you both said. Today is a new day and I am going to take it one step at a time.
As they say with the alcoholic, the donuts hole is too round and the sugar is too sweet. It is not about you but the disease. And of course, they are not there when you need them the most. As you said one day at a time. Easy does it. Enjoy your mom and keep coming back to Miracles in Progress.
