The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My first time on this site. Tomorrow we go to rehab to visit our daughter. She's 35, an RN, alcoholic and sex we're told.... i didn't realize! She's ending, i think, third marriage and involved with another guy, of course, wanting us to think he's awesome.... i don't know what to do or say! She has two kids who are currently wtih their real father. Any advice would be appreciated.
Welcome Beecharmer! I haven't been here long myself. Sorry to hear about your daughter - a multitude of issues. My suggestion would be to be lovingly honest...or do nothing at all except for visit. Go there willing to look into the issues with new eyes perhaps. Just look and listen. Sometimes we think we need to be the ones to say the right thing, do the right thing ... and we don't. Sometimes we can just "be" ... afterall we are humanbeings, not humandoings!
thanks calm! i think you're totally on the right track, whew LOL Even if i / we do have answers, she obviously doesn't listen to us. So i'll chill and try to relax about it all. Will keep you posted about what happens! She's a couple hours drive away. Thanks for caring! : )
does it seem as though your daughter is on the merry-go-round? bad decisions mixed with blaming others for her circumstances? keeps losing things -- kids, homes, loved ones, respect, jobs, cars?? well, she's in rehab, so that tells us there is a problem. you have sought this wonderful place here for advice - which may possibly mean you are going a little crazy or don't know what to do or make of her circumstances? you wonder if her problems will all end with the rehab?
let me welcome you here. here is a safe place for us to gain experience, strength and hope (ESH) from others that suffer the privilege of having an alcoholic or addict in our lives. what we address is usually issues in how to cope, day to day, with the difficult circumstances that our particular A (addict/alcoholic) brings into our life... which can be anything (particularly, the lies, manipulation, legal aspects, humanity). It is a place where we get off the round-about and keep walking down our path of life. We try to learn and employ tools of Al-anon and basic life skills that make our lives more serene and peaceful. these tools prove to be invaluable for most of us, as living with an A is extremely trying.
we also use this website as a sounding board for our own feelings and emotions - to express ourselves in a forum where we can get support and objectivity in a safe, secure place. (anonymity is one of the guidelines of Al-anon and allows for us to not hold back)
again, welcome to you - you have found a great place, and i'm proud that you have the COURAGE to seek help - so, read on, write on, and (((((big hugs))))). i'm glad you are here.
with love cj
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time to stop going to the hardware store to buy bread.
Welcome! You are in the right place. i agree with Spritually, just be. I know that I've made the mistake of trying to force solutions to the problem and try to rationalize/make the A see what he/she is doing to self and those around. Shaming or scolding In so doing I make the situation worse for everyone, most importanly to ourselves.
By just being and detaching with love....I'm glad to hear she is being cared for in rehab. Keep coming back and keep us posted.
Welcome to MIP! Good place to be for experience, strength and hope. I think we all need honestly about the disease and the consequences. But the best help comes from 12 Step programs for all of us. AA for your daughter and Alanon for the rest of us.
) and keep coming.