The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Be careful what you ask for, because when you find out you might just have to do something about it. I just wanted to know for sure and now I do.
A quick update... my AH and I reconciled 6 months ago after he had been clean and sober and working a program. Sometime this past fall that nagging feeling began, something just was not right. Well, time passed, he was hospitalized for depression, (he is bipolar and was not taking his meds correctly), he stopped going to meetings, slowly then not at all, he was diagnosed with hepC and was scheduled to start interferon therapy. I have continued to work my own program, go to meetings, read my literature, contact my sponsor but...
Guess what, when he came home last night blatantly drunk, no denying it, none of that made it any easier. Well, wait a minute, I did go back to sleep, so I guess that is progress. Got up this morning, went to the gym and when I came home he was gone. Spoke to him briefly on the phone, but no mention of last night. Said he would be home later, we shall see.
So here I am at square one, what to do now, what is the next right thing? I do not want to live with the active disease, it is just too hard. So then what? We have two sons, a beautiful home. blah, blah, blah.
I guess I just needed to get it out there. The shame and embarassment which I know I shouldn't feel, but do anyway, is a bit overwhelming. I am grateful to be able to come here, to be able to call my Al-anon friends and say what is going on, but somehow I find it very difficult to detach from his choice not to be sober.
I am beginning to ramble, so I am going to go for now.
Hate that you are dealing with this tough situation - I can understand not wanting to live with an active A - I don't know if I could either.
First things first and try to focus on the Next Right Thing - sounds like you are doing a good job of that - keep up the good work. Keep taking care of yourself. You will probably need your mental and physical health (along with your HP) to handle what may be ahead of you.
Wishing you a day filled with serenity no matter what is going on in the world around you,
Rita
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No matter what me and my God are going to be ok, even better than OK -
back to square one, and what should ya do? well, YOU, madam, are not on square one. it's funny you should say that, almost like the merry-go-round in different words. YOU are, at least, on square 13 (since you've taken at least 12 steps, right? har har), and HE has chosen to fall back to square one... like many A's do. They keep falling back to square 1 and we (after finding program) keep chugging along. Very hard to be "partners" in a relationship when you are in 2 different places on the gameboard, don't ya think???
anyway, that's my 2 cents (and after a penny for my thoughts?? that leaves -- hmm cents-less?
with love and smiles cj
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time to stop going to the hardware store to buy bread.
Sorry you are hurting and going through this. I have been wondering how things were going for you. I haven't seen you. Just keep doing what's in front of you, hon. The answers will come in time. Hope the new year brings you serenity, hapiness, and love.
