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: i guess over the years-I have turned into a people pleaser. I think living with in the past and having a A brother and X husband-I was always trying to keep the peace. Well now as I am older and perhaps tired (lol) I no longer can do that. My DIL leaves her kids with me for 2 weeks during working hours. DS and DIL both work. The problem is she just kinda "barks" out the things she wants of me. Like today I am to take my grandson to hockey. Last nite when she picked up the kids she said she would talk to my DS and get back to me. Well this a.m. she never said "good morning" or anything just said to have DGS to the game at a certain time. I said my DS or her were to call me-she said "I TOLD YOU LAST NITE"-I cannot back down-I said no you did'nt-the "argue" continued. I cannot "bite my tongue" anymore-to many years of that. Am I being a "b----" over this? any comments please!
Maybe you are just learning to stand up for yourself. Although you can't change your son or DIL, but you can change the tone of the respect. You can say to her "I hate you are having a difficult morning, but I would appreciate a little common courtesy and better communication in making arrangements with the children"
Then again you can think about the fact that her issues are probably not about you and How Important is it? If her disregard for your request is causing you to lose your serenity - explore your options - what can you do to change the situation? Is it important enough to try to change something in the arrangement with keeping the grandkids?
Only you can decide if you need to set some boundaries or let it go - think about it, seek guidance from your HP - decide what is right for your peace of mind.
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No matter what me and my God are going to be ok, even better than OK -
My first question is are these people paying you wages as a babysitter? If not they should be because a weekly check would be my only motivation to continue.
I went through something similar with my youngest son and his X and I finally said I HAVE TAKEN ENOUGH. I told them to find another babysitter that I had raised my children and now it is their turn to raise theirs. They were also living with us at the time.
I had to have surgery and hubby told them to be moved out and have a new babysitter by the time I got home. They moved out but the X DIL called the following morning after my dismissal to ask if I could watch the children. At the time the children were 2, 5 and 6 and had to be driven to a private school and picked up (I could not drive for two weeks) diapers changed(I could not lift anything over 2 pounds), meals prepared etc. I was just flabergasted at her lack of consideration for my condition. I simply told her to find someone else or take the day off. It's amazing how fast they find other options when we quit doing their job for them.
Don't get me wrong I love my grandchildren but there is no logic in my raising them when they have two perfectly capable parents to do the job.
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Everything I have ever let go of has claw marks all over it.
i am somewhat of a people pleaser myself.. that makes me mad at myself at times too.
what ur DIL really deserves is a good slap across the face with a wet fish...mite shake abit of sense into her! IT IS NOT NICE TO ADDRESS SOME1 LIKE THAT and speak to you as if u were something at the end of her shoe.
i hope u really learn to stand up for urself a little bit at a time..ur worth sooooooo much more than that.
and after u helping her out..when u have a life of ur own to get on with.
i, too, like many of us here ARE people pleasers... it's almost like our "M.O." i think we are some of the kindest, most loving people on EARTH. of course, we can't let resentment and bitterness walk in, cause then we are just a mess. anyhoo, there is quite a difference from making the jump from people pleaser to doormat, in my vast (har har) wisdom... CJs differences between being a doormat or being a good person
1. Being nice is doing something for somebody else; not because the favor is asked, but because WE (the people pleaser) want to - no strings attached - do that. it makes us feel good to do stuff like that.
2. Being a doormat is when WORK is heaped upon us by others; these other people have learned that we can be TAKEN ADVANTAGE of, and USED. poor other people, we really need to break that thought pattern with them....(NO no NO no NO) by the way, the word 'NO' works very well
aka... DIL comes over to drop off grandson. You say, "sorry, I can't help you, today." she says, "WHAT!!? YOU HAVE TOO! I GOT TO WORK AND THIS AND THAT" "Not my problem" and it truly isn't. very much easier said than done, but hey, we've got to set healthy boundaries. it isn't about the child, and trust me, you don't want the resentments hanging out in your head --- let them gooooooooo.
anyhoo, just thought i'd give ya my 2 cents --- i know, i know, you should get change back from having to read that stuff ---- har dei har
with love cj
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time to stop going to the hardware store to buy bread.
