The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
so i can't sleep either while my A boyfriend is away at rehab...i get up with my mind racing on negative codependant thoughts.....am i visiting too much(each weekend)?does he reallywant me to visit?i want time with him,not all his new addict friends?what about me?would he be driving 2 hours to see me? is he waking up thinking about all this? *(&^^%&^......get a grip of yourself girl!you are a grown woman...but sometimes i wonder :( i will now go take a walk to the coffee shop and make a list of all the things i want back in my life that i have missed while A was here...then go to work...and try to stop this negative mind! who cares what all his new A friends think of me! why do i care....ooooo the resentment and insecurity are starting to boil...time for a walk. sending strength and hope to all of you from that stronger place in myself that i hope to get back fifi
fifi- you are doing amazing things, girl. i know that that "hope" must jump up into your heart, here and there, but you sure are concentrating on the right things. geez, i wish i could focus like you have been. very proud of you!!! do you get to many face 2 face meetings?
with love, (((((fifi))))) cj
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time to stop going to the hardware store to buy bread.
thanks for the responses and encouragement...how come it feels like that is exactly what i need to hear?! soooo comforting and affirming. for someone who has a hard time trusting, i really trust your words to be honest. i feel like i'm hanging on by the skin of my teeth tho.....
keep hanging in there, use the skills ya got, girl, and rid yourself of some of that anxiety. exercise helps me, and so does writing here on this board... as you can tell... i'm here quite a bit... trying not to obsess... somebody told me once, if you think about a particular thing for more than 2 minutes, you are probably obsessing over it... very true to me. anyhoo, take care of yourself - face to faces give me a lasting serenity - so does playing my piano... find your "outlets" and don't be afraid to use them as much as needed with love cj
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time to stop going to the hardware store to buy bread.
It's amazing once we find we have all this time and the A's not there, how our head will just go all over the place. I use to say "I'm in my head right now, with peter pan, the fairy king and all his royal subjects." In other words I was driving myself crazy.
For me it was a real learning curve, I realized that I had a lot of work to do on myself. It took a while to redirect that energy that was once focused on my A and put it to work for me. It does come in time.
My sponsor once told me to clean my coffee pot, the entire thing, basket and all. With a tooth brush until there wasn't a spot or stain left in it. Okay, that only took a couple of hours, lol, but by the time I was done my head was clear. The best thing is to keep busy -- the Just for Today bookmark talks about doing "at least two things I don't want to do -- just for exercise." Look around you, if you're like me I'm sure there are a couple of things that you've been putting off just because ya just don't want to do it. Nows the time to do it...it's a great way to keep your mind busy and when you are done WOW you get to feel good because you've completed something!
As far as getting to sleep and turning your mind off, well on those nights I go to bed with "Ben & Cal" LOL Benedryl and a Calgon bath. Things will get easier. ODAT
