The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am going to explain the blow out my A and I had last night, but now all his shit is piled in bags all over my living room. He keeps blaming me. I can't lay down right at night like him. My mind is always open. I stay up until I am ready to sleep. Sometimes sleep doesn't come for a long time. He soberly understands, but otherwise thinks I am being selfish, and uncaring about his needs. He just wouldln't leave me alone. Didn't even act like he cared what I am going thru either. My best girlfriend died 1 year ago today around this time of the morning, with hospice--cancer. She passed away about 7:30am. This is very hard for me though I do not always cry. He wouldn't leave me alone. I spent too much time yelling over him to try to get him to hear me and now I have lost my voice. I made that happen. It did no good to try to yell over him. Too drunk while in bed, complaining I never made him food, then begging for me to "help" him. I first refused, then when I went into the kitchen, started to open up a can of soup, it fell to the ground. I was that nervous. It was uneatable. Even when he left this morning he still claims I lied about the whole thing and there never was a can of soup, even though I showed him the can and the mess in the trash. He said he didn't hear it and HE HAS GOOD EARS! God I am so angry! I told him that our relationship will not work if he does not go get detoxed and attend AA. He poo pooed it as an A will. I am confused. I am ready to call his sister who he had arranged to pick him up Sat. Morning to stay for the weekend. I am not good around a lot of anybody. I didn't want to go. I secretly took my house key (my apartment HUD), and placed it in a seceret place in my purse. The door will be locked. Maybe he needs a shock. I want to call his sister and tell her about last night and that she needs to come pick her brothers stuff up or I will put it out by the mailboxes. Is this a good idea? I want to do it. One thing I am worried about is that he does help pay the bills and he is supposed to go after work and pay the electric and water. I am not sure if he will. He usually does what he says, but if his sister meets him at work, he will be unwilling to do it. I am screwed with money now. The elec. Bill is late anyway--for Jan was due 10th, and the water was due the 15th. Would you suggest I call his sis anyway to go ahead and tell her to come get his stuff? I am so confused but I need a break from all this bullshit. He has hit me too in the past and pushed me down occassionally, etc. PLEASE ESH on what to do about his sister, I want to call her. not sure If i have nerve. Help me someone please
__________________
This is HippieTrippieChick Signing Off
Be blessed and have a wonderful day.
Remember God loves you.
PEACE
When I finally told now sober hubby to leave, I didn't think about the bills. When it came fine to really take action I did. It was the hardest yet best thing I did for me. I had had enough.
I admit when I was contemplating this before I thought about the bills. But you know, somehow the bills got paid. I called them and told them I needed to make installments. The companies worked with me.
It comes down to this: the quality of my life was lousy. I was lonlier with my active A than without him. I had to take back my life. That's what I did. I would have no problem putting his things out on the stoop again if he was to go back to that life.
By getting him out of the apartment will it make your A sober? I can't answer that. Only he can. But if I were a betting woman, I'd say your quality of life would improve. The choice has to be yours to call his sister or not. For me, and me only, I won't die for my A's disease.
Love and blessings to you.
Live strong,
Karilynn
__________________
It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
I know the issue of the A making tremendous demands. I tend not to respond or react in the same way I once did. Practising detachment really helps. I also pray a lot.
I can't say I have had much luck going to anyone about the A. They listen but they are in their own denial.
I feel for you. I know what it is to feel overwhelmed. I am glad you are here. Opportunities tend to present themselves over time. I think its hard to see they are very very sick sometimes we tend to think they can "see" us when they can't. They are at times only their disease.
