The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Okay, I should have offered you all some cheese to go with my last post as it was a very big whine LOL.
We've had the flu here and I've had tooooo much time to lay around and think -- stinking thinking. One thing I've always been asked is "Do you really think your A sits and thinks about you as much as you think about him?" Well no. But as I've let go -- not trying to keep intouch, asking less of him, etc. It's really become apparent that he thinks of us even less than I could have ever imagined. That stings. But it is what it is.
I've made steps to move forward, and that's a good thing, today I just sat and thought about all that could be, should be -- if he'd just act right LOL. If he'd just do as I wanted....but this program tells me I'm powerless over the way other people are. And I am. So I wanted to crawl into that same ole paper bag called my will and battle with it yet again. When will I ever learn?
After rereading my post I realized something, for every decision I've made -- every choice good or bad -- I have something in my life today that I count as a blessing. Gratitude. Every opportunity that was given to me that I took advantage of has given me things that I still posess. And without the A, well I wouldn't have my beautiful children that I get so much joy from.
So the wave of anger was really just a fit of "It's not fair." Stomp! Stomp! Stomp! It is what it is. And if I'd just stay in the gratitude I'd remember it's really pretty good.
Oh, here's the kicker, the A came by tonight. Since he visits the kids on Sunday I asked could he watch them so I could go to a Alanon New Years Eve party. His answer Absolutly NOT. I just shook my head. He'd rather stick it to me than spend time with the kids -- and he made sure to let me know that it was exactly that. Oh well -- better start working on a plan B. (someday I'll get that right and have my plan B in place before plan A blows up.) And if I can't work it out so that I can go, then I guess it's just meant to be that way.
So thank you for letting me vent here, it really helps to get it out of my head -- then I can see what it really is.
I read your previous post. Always remember you did the best you could at the moment at hand. So give yourself a break. Hindsight is 20/20. I do understand the resentment thing. I look at where I was 20 years ago with my degree etc. Circumstances dictated choices that I made and it's where I am now. Oddly enough they have nothing to do with the A. My point is we make choices that we think are the best at that moment. I don't regret them anymore. I use to. Every once in a while there's some resentment of the A because of the now present financial struggles. But you know what? We always get through them.
As for this post: glad you're feeling better. You always put a smile on my face. You've taught me many things. Go ahead a whine sometimes. (Heaven knows I have.) It's cathartic for us. Just tell me what kind of cheese you would like! I prefer Maytag Blue, but I'll send you swiss or limburger (stinky ) or whatever you choose. If you'll send some my way please. Heck I'll even through in a trout for ya!
Happy New Year to you and the kids. Love ya!
Live strong,
Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
I have those stink think times too. I try to remember that with or without my A there would have been and will be times in my life I make decisions that later may feel like lost oppurtunities. I'd bet alot of people have those feelings sometimes, no matter what the circumstances in their lives. I tend to go inside myself and take an inventory at this time of year. Trying to make the good outweigh the bad is usually easier than I expect it to be.
I'm glad you are feeling better, you are always in my prayers.
Thanks for sharing how you have worked thru your feelings - that is awesome recovery.
Everyone is entitled to have a "whine & cheese" party every now and then. That's what they made those wheat crackers & squeeze cheese for!! - Comfort food - yummy.
Hope that you are able to enjoy your New Year's Eve Al-Anon Party. What a safe place to ring in the new year.
Wishing you peace, joy, love & serenity,
Rita
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No matter what me and my God are going to be ok, even better than OK -
You are awesome - no need to apologize though for your feeligns....that is why we are here - you have a right to whine, be confused, write to figure it out...keeps us human,humble and healthy! (The 3hs?)
Have a very happy new year. Thank you for helping me with my recovery!
You've taught me many things. Go ahead a whine sometimes. (Heaven knows I have.) It's cathartic for us. Just tell me what kind of cheese you would like! I prefer Maytag Blue, but I'll send you swiss or limburger (stinky 
) or whatever you choose. If you'll send some my way please. Heck I'll even through in a trout for ya!
