The material presented
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level.
So this morning my AH needs money to buy alchohol. (He drinks at least 5 days/wk) Lately my concern has been the amount of money that he spends on it. I have told him that he can drink all he wants if he can afford it. We are married and consider the money "ours". However, I hold the card and the account - it was my account and card before marriage, but now, I'm afraid I can't trust him anyhow. So anyway, I remind him that we cannot afford the $20/day that he is costing us. Like, geeze we just had Christmas and we have a baby coming in 2 months. I'll be off work and I'm the bread winner. So I suggested that we split the bills right down the middle and that way he can be in total control of "his" money. In the meantime, I can make sure that things are 1/2 taken care of for me, my son and the baby that is on the way. Anyhow, I don't know all the right ways to handle these things. He doesn't like this idea becuz it will feel to him like we are growing farther apart and the marriage is dissolving. I realise arguing with an alcoholic is like talking to a brick wall, but I have to establish some boundaries for me and the kids - we have rights too and I work to keep this roof over our heads, food in our bellies and clothes on our backs ... not for him to piss out $20 a day.
Sounds to me like you have a plan and a good one. He probably really doesn't feel that it will create seperatism, he is most likely protecting his disease and fears he won't have money to feed it. If he truly does feel that way, oh well, HIS actions have created the need to take extra protection.
Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
Be prepared for him to fight this, because it will make it harder for him to drink. You are right though, you need to protect yourself and the babies. If he really doesn't like this, you can always offer him 'Door 2' - quitting drinking altogether. Bet he won't like that choice either. He has brought this on by his own actions.
i too told my husband how much he drinks is not my problem. the part that bothers me is..........,"how come you have to be so mean?".
that is the part of the disease i don't understand. he drinks and then gets sooooooooooooooooooo snarly. as if i am the one to blame because he is so miserable. i asked him.......,"what's the problem,why can't you just be nice, the booze is your stuff, it has nothing to do with me, but, when you are cruel, well, that has something to do with me."
Thank you so much for making think about this very valid pt.
The good news is that I pay the bills over the telephone and all payments go thru my account. So I would know very quickly if he wasn't keeping up his end of the bargain. And if he didn't, I'm not afraid to leave what we have behind and start over. Yeah it would suck, but I'm not one to hang on to anything to tightly.
