The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I'm sorry if it sounded like I meant my daughter is no longer with me. I tried to title it so it wouldn't sound like that.
For those of you who know how my daughter tries to control things in our house, this is why this was an issue last nite and this morning. Like I said in my post, had she mentioned her new plans ahead of time, I would have been ok with it. But we had all planned on eating at my inlaws for Christmas brunch, our usual Christmas morning event. She and her b/f had planned on going with us, and later had planned on going to another relative's for dinner. I don't think it was fair of her to deny us of what we planned. Her b/f's dad never does celebrate Christmas. He spent the nite here last year, because he wanted to celebrate it with us, and this year was planned the same. He and his dad are the only two in their house, his mother is out in west Tennessee, and his dad was even going to go hunting this morning. His DAD changed his plans, which in turn changed plans for us all. His dad was even invited to our house, but chose not to come.
I didn't plan on retaliating because of being hurt. I simply set a boundary, and if she wanted to participate, then she should have been here when she told me she would. If she didn't make it home by the time she said she would, how was I to know what time we would have to wait until she actually DID arrive home?
I love my daughter, but I have to set my boundaries. I've posted enough here on the board of all the times we've not seen eye to eye, and have learned to set boundaries.
I love my LMT :) Sorry your Christmas got off to a difficult start. Sorry your daughter saw it the way she did. She can make sure she's with you all next time if it matters enough to be with you all next time :). Sometimes teens do whatever they want and then ask the world to bend for them. It doesn't work that way, nor does it change a thing regarding your love for her. Some people didn't have presents under the tree today. Some people didn't have a tree...No matter what ever happens around you, LMT, I love ya. May the spirit of Christmas fill you all right back up.
my adult daughter told me she was coming for christmas day dinner.
when i called to see if she could bring the salad,
she said,
what? oh no mom , we're coming boxing day.
i said,
no dear,
i am cooking a turkey dinner on christmas day wether or not you are able to come.
if you show up, fine, we'll set a place for you and your live in boyfriend [father of my grandaughter],
if you don't show up, fine, we are eating turkey anyway.
she showed up with the baby,
he decided not to come.
i sensed she was hurt that he didn't come.
they had just spent the better part of the week visiting with his family,
but,
when it came to her family,
he couldn't be bothered.
i could hate him if i wasn't learning in Al-Anon "Let no man pull you so low as to make you hate him." [Booker T. Washington].
and,
"Let it Begin With Me".
the interesting thing about this little episode is that i knew she was ready to defend her guy with a gritting your teeth, stick up dukes, i am ready to fight you wrath, that i was not prepared or compelled to deal with.
i'd be lying if i said i wasn't feeling a little let down.
