The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Well the good news is that I have another job (albeit a temporary one) that pays better. That will get me through the next three months. I am looking for inspiraiton to move me along in plan b.
I used to believe I would never earn more. Now I am. I can get so lost in despair of moving along the plan b.
So my next phase while I pay down some bills is to sort out my stuff. To move to a place where I can organize it for the potential move when that will happen.
I can take daily action on that.
I am nowhere near coherent in this plan I am just making movement. I have aleady moved towards two goals. I just have to keep building on them.
The A has been particularly belligerant lately. I am not being pulled in the same way at the same time it is absolutely exhausting to be around. I am also exhausted.
What comes in with one hand goes out with another hand. I had found a pretty decent intern who I was seeing. Now my work time will be changed. I will not be able to see her anymore. I may get another but its pretty tough going to organize that much.
I had also finally hooked up for some long overdue medical care. Now I have to change all the appointments and that is tricky stuff.
I have some windows. I set reasonable goals. There are days when I feel the A is so awful and so obnoxious and so wearing I can't bear another second of it.
Then I think of some opportunity I can explore and I get inspired. There are opportunities for me and my pets I have to keep reminding myself of that.
One big issue for me is isolation. In the new year I want to cut the isolation I currently reside in. I want to stop being so enmeshed with the A. He creates enmeshment with his dramarama and constant chaos and it is incredibly difficult not to be drawn in. He always has some crisis and Christmas seems to be a huge one. His mother mailed him something and it will not arrive till after Christmas. He's beside himself over that. He's always knee deep in frustration blame, rage and procrastination. I can be there too. I know it does not work to rage at him yet at the same time there are days when I am just infuriated with his acting out. These days I try to turn that rage to my favor than to my disaster.
Your alcoholic could be "particularly belligerent" lately because possibly he senses that you have a plan "B"? Plan "B's" are supposed to be secret, and not evident to the partner,,,,,which is the whole purpose of a plan "B". He is probably scared and feels threatened. Why not try getting to more alanon meetings, and calling a sponsor regularly? Why not try to "bloom where you are planted" right now, instead of running? I am sure he senses you distancing yourself....alkys aren't stupid, my dear.
marisie you are doing GREAT. I remember when you first came to mip. All you did was talk about him. Like many of us do.
LOOK how you are focusing on our Mary!!!!! And DO keep doing what you are doing, you know what you need to be healthy. I am so proud of all the progress you have made. YOU will make your goal of getting out of there and cont. on with taking care of you and your critters.
Mary there are NO laws on plan B. You follow your own heart and keep on using your alanon skills.
I know you are not running. You are taking steps to a better life. I am still here for you. Let us know how the new job goes!!!
Hey the new tenants are wonderful!! Geez Mary I woulda had you living with another A and did not even know!! See hp was watching us both!
I have a gal, student with two horses moving in probably. But you know I am here for you. Do NOT feel stuck love,debilyn
