The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My three sons are home for the holidays. My AHsober is here also. He left a year and a half ago and is basically living a single life. He says he wants a divorce but has never filed. It seemed important to spend a part of the holidays together as a family especially with our son coming home from a year overseas. I have so much to be thankful for this year. My sons did well in college. It is a thrill to have them together even though it is intense at times. They love their dad but seem to understand his shortcomings. It is my 33rd anniversary on Christmas eve. Well, I cried at my f2f meeting today saying that my anniversary is important me.
I realize that my husband isn't going to change. My life has become so unmanageable reacting to everything that he says or does. He said that he was free for 2 weeks and now five days into the holidays he says that he isn't. We went skiing yesterday. Something we have done together throughout our marriage. He asked me how my recovery program was going. I said it is hard when you have to focus on yourself and not another person. He said he isn't working a program, he's into his addictions, and hanging around with people who drink.
I need to have the courage to change. I need to set better boundaries. I will renew my commitment to my recovery program. I will start my 4th step in this new year. I would like to let go of self will and look for guidance from my HP. Thank you Alanoners for your constant support. The best to all of you for the new year.
I can certainly relate to the constant changes of an A. There is sometimes humor in it. The A will scream don't walk on eggshells when he is walking around screaming playing loud music and acting like a 2 year old. Sometimes I almost want him to get stoned so he will stop tantruming. Unfortunately the silly giggling stoned person he becomes is just as irritable over time. I think he will go off and get stoned at Christmas as that is his tradition. This year I won't resent it I am focused on my plan b. The issue is that he has never been "there" ever.
I feel for you having such a long marriage. I have a comparatively short relaitonship but there is much to unravel. I work on it but somedays I am on overwhelm. I am also cast adrift sometimes. I no longer focus on what his next catastrophe will be I just know it is coming.
