The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
what an absolute mess my life has become in a few short days. I am not feeling very positive anymore. I don't have any idea what I am going to do. Today I need to finish my kid's Christmas shopping, but I don't even feel excited about it at all. I wish I could just skip over this holiday. Alot of people are coming to my dad's house today and I don't want to be here. I want out of the craziness in my head. I know I am not making a whole lot of sense, atleast I dont feel like I am.
I am pregnant with my 4th child and I just took a test yesterday. What the heck do I do now? Hub says I can live in our house and he will get an apartment, but really, how do I know it's not just a way to get me back. Then with him being A, can I even trust him to continue to pay the bills? OMG! I am pregnant. I do not want to be pregnant. How sad is that? It should be a happy time. A great present to hub and myself for Christmas, but instead all it brings right now is fear. One day at a time is becoming one minute at a time. I am just glad to have gotten this far in this post. What am I going to do? That seems to be the question I can't get out of my head. I don't even know where to start. I am not feeling very hopeful for mine and my children's future at this point. I want to go outside and scream my head off, beat something up, and just lay down and cry like a baby. I am trying very hard to not let this whole thing make me crazy, but at present time I don't know who is winning that battle either. I want this to go away.
I am so sorry that you are going through this. My thoughts are with you and keep posting. It can be very difficult when you have to keep everything inside and be the one to keep the show on the road. I hope things get better soon.
OMG, you sound like I used to be at one time. You are letting EVERYTHING get to you. "STOP".
Slow down, think about things one at a time. Break stuff Into small problems. And look for an answer. There Is always answers and choices for us. I think we just panic as It's a natural response for us.
You have done the right thing In posting this, It will at least let It free form your head. We will try and help you with this. Keep comming here, and receiving the E,S & H.
Try to relax a wee bit, take time out for you In a quiet place.
I can very much relate to the feeling of fear and sheet overwhelm. I had to go back to priorities of taking care of me and just slow down.
Set small goals for yourself. One might be to come here. If you go to the chat room there will always be lots of people to hear and care about you.
I don't do shoulda coulda woulda anymore. I live with an A shoulda coulda woulda dont' apply. I do see clearly how I fell in with him. I see it without self blame and self disgust. A's can be immensely charming.
I have had to learn to take care of me all the time. I can get so so lost in rage and resentment at the A.
Well, having worked in retail for a few 24 hours, I can honestly say anyone that would shop at this time of the year has all my respect. I can honestly say that there is no one I know that would stand up to go through the insanity of retail with the insane people that somehow it just occured to them that Christmas is actually going to occur this year. Having said that, I think also christmas gets so overemphasized as a "presents under the tree" fiasco. You know, growing up in alcholism, I had to learn really really quickly that if I wanted clothes that fit, food in the fridge, the lights on in the house to put THAT on my list for Hannukkah. I didn't get the "regular" stuff for the holidays. I had to really really prioritize for the holidays and first and foremost was food. I vividly remember when I asked dad to pay the bills on time. Still haunts me and I haven't made peace with it.
About your pregnancy. I'm with ally (Oh dear God...I'm getting sicker....j/k, Ally, I love you honey!) First and foremost, GO TO YOUR DOCTOR. PERIOD. END OF QUOTE. And when your there, getting your blood drawn, tell him/her, HONESTLY about your feelings of depression. Your doctor can safely see you through this pregnancy with these feelings even if you feel like you're bottoming out on sanity. He/She can also recommend some councelors, some childcare, whatever, to help you grasp on to a life line so that you don't hurt yourself or this baby through thie next 9 months. Lastly, I don't know of any woman that when her husband's a horrible lush of an ass isn't just OVERWHELMED, SCARED, and FURIOUS at herself for doing what comes naturally. YOU ARE NORMAL. PLEASE, come back, GET HELP FROM YOUR DR and DON'T QUIT.
hon I wish Jeannie would see this. She was in the same boat as you but she has even more kids i believe.
she too was pg. Well it has been years now and omg she has done great. NO it was nor is it easy, but i know you can do it too.
Boy I know how you feel. I was saying the same thing two days ago. I just cannot go on anymore. Can't do this anymore.
All the time knowing I had to,which made me feel even more tired.
I cannot imagine going thru what you are with kids.
I hope you keep coming back. I don't know where you are, but you may want to look for resources for women in your position. I bet you could get ideas from your local face to face meeting.
Keep coming back. I care. please come back. love,debilyn
Went back and read up on your last posts. I sure can see what is making you so upset.
Well my first thought was, go back two days ago, you were talking of a job, taking care of you and the kids. You still can.
I don't know what you are like in your pregnancies. But maybe you can get you and the kids set up before you are too far along to work. Then get some state help for a few months until you can work.
I don't know what state you are in.Can you afford to live in your home? sounds like you would have to depend on him, to me it is insane to depend on an A.
Between now and your eigth mo. can you get yourself better set to take care of you and kids and baby?
If he does have you stay in the house, can you stick money into your own account and get more independant.
It is ok to feel overwhelmed. When you can, sit down and write what your options are. I know it helps me to problem solve.
I don't know where he is at with his drinking. Is he still working, bringing home money?
I am pooped sorry. Just really want you to know we all care a lot. You are NOT alone. love,debilyn
I got pregnant to my ex (unplanned) in the height of the drinking problem. I had a termination in the end because I couldn't do it on my own at the time, I was only 23 and had no job, and living at home. Then we got back together and I got pregnant with my son. Ex said he'd stop drinking. Then it became less but it never went away. He would come to antenatal class with me, but reeking of beer and with red eyes.
Having had 3 other children you probably know that you are probably *very* hormonal right now and it is easy to get upset.
Children are such a blessing. You CAN still do this whether he is there or not, but you may just have to be the responsible one, and it is understandably very stressful on you. Do you have much family support?
I separated from my ex when our son was only 8 months old. We left with nothing but our clothes. I had no furniture, nothing. We slept on the floor of this apartment for about a week. And not even plates or forks to eat with. I cried a lot at first, I was scared, but it's like baby steps, you do one thing then another then another and you get on a roll and you see that you can make it. Now we have everything we need and I don't rely on my ex for ANYTHING! You *can* do it if you have to.
I can see why you are overwhelmed, but if you take it one small bit at a time, you CAN get through this.
For the next couple of days, there is nothing you can do about being pregnant, so drop it from your mind for now (except don't drink!) You can decide what to do about that later, when everything is open and you can see a doctor, etc.
About the big Christmas do - any chance that you can lean on some of these people for love and support? Even if you are not close enough to any of them to let them know what is happening to you, maybe you can lean on them for fun and frivolity?
I remember lots of times I "put on a happy face" for the sake of the kids and others when my life was falling apart. This is not ideal as a long term life strategy, but sometimes for a short time, it really does seem that "acting as if" can ease your pain for a little while. I would set my problems on the shelf for a bit, pretend to be having a nice Christmas for the kids, and by the end of the day it would have been an OK time. As I said, this is not a good idea for the long term, but can help you get through a hard patch.
Have you heard of the 4 M's? Martyr, manager, manipulator, and mother? Your husband said you could have the house, what is the problem? Is this a good time to start playing the martyr???????????????I don't THINK so. Pride kills....Do the right thing for you and the children that you have. No one has the right on this message board to tell you what to do about your present pregnancy........NO ONE. Give him the benefit of the doubt right now, and hope that he will continue to pay the bills as long as he can.
And get a sponsor, and go to alanon meetings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You need to get some principles under your belt.
