he just pushed his way in here demanded food and sleep. My daughter is over and we hardly ever get to spend time together. Now that he has passed out. I don't know what to do. I just got back to the website to check on my posts. I want to call the cops, have them haul him out of here as sleepy and xxxx up as he is. He pays for stuff for me and hold it over my head. After 2 years I began to think that I may never be able to do it alone. But isn't that letting a man rule my life. I am disabled, very low income, I found out today that I have a good friend who is willing to help me a little $ when this all comes to pass. He keeps saying, just give me till after new years. Why? All he has given me is grief, except for the times we are all lovey dovey and life is wonderful. I can't stand the switching moods. I deal with that with my own mental illness. I am sorry for buggin everyone. I wish I could just pack him a little bag. Call the cops and get him taken out of here awake, willing, asleep or whatever.

Any suggestions now?

I don't want to wake up tomorrow like this. It was so nice last night without him harrassing me.

When I confronted him=he turned it all against me. All the xxxx I do to piss him and stress him out. What about me? He is denying the central issue he is a drunk that needs help.

I need help or I will end up getting suicidal again.

not that way now. Got my kid, but can't seem to handle her visit. Sucks I know she can't spend the night. It never works out. two bipolars in the same room.

some of this don't have to do with the Active A, but it is the life I face and I Have to talk about it with someone.

suggesstions, ESH please

 If you honestly believe your life is in danger from your loved one, call the police, ask for their help. Tell them that he came home drunk, and fill them in on the details like you filled us in.

 If you honestly believe your life is in danger from yourself, go to the most local hospital, and ask for help. Explain what has been happening, and tell them you're afraid you may hurt yourself. They will help you.

 By not doing anything, you're enabling your problems.

deb, tiger, keth, irish, experience,

call the police

do it.

must be bounderies. must be consequences to crossing them.

with love

cj

Well he actually told me as calm as can be tonight that he don't think this relationship is working out. Wants to get his own place. Maybe God is looking out for me. But I can't seem to let loose of the financial thing. I think the one main thing keeping me with him is he supports me financially. I know I truly love him, but he has just become someone I do not enjoy and most of the time especially at night I just want to chill bymyself.

I am guilty, confused, hurt, scared, you name it. I agree with you. In the meantime, the next episode will end with him woken up in handcuffs and it will be a very violent scene I know.

Anyone have thoughts on that?

If your name is on the lease, and not his then he is trespassing!  Call the police and have him haul him and his friends out the door!  Bottom line.  If you are not comfortable with him being there (which you are obviously not from the way your post sounds) especially when he is up then do everything you can to get him out of there.  At any time when you feel unsafe and scared, don't delay. 

As for him paying for things.  While not having the A pay for things does put a financial burden on us, I'd rather have that than have a broken arm. Or God forbid something worse.  Please, please stay safe.  He may say that he wants to get an apartment, but maybe he's buying time.  The next time may be too late.  Don't let him stay there, I beg you.  I've seen it happen too often

Recovery is about taking your life back. If you don't have a life to take back what's the point?  I know this sounds harsh, but sometimes it's necessary.  Your too valuable a human being to die for his disease.  You can do this.  We will help you.  You are not alone in this fight. But you have to be safe first.  The rest will come.

Live strong,

Karilynn

hiptripchic

know what you can't control
courage to change the things you can
wisdom to know the difference

yours in recovery
cj

So I can go to the courthouse and get a restraining order (how expensive)? I do not have to call the cops on him. He will be served, but see, he can't read. I know in my heart HP will take care of me, but it is hard to let go. I do truly love this man, but he has become someone that most of his heavy drinking time, I am disgusted by his presence. That sounds bad. But Can I go right to a courthouse. I know his sister will read it to him or the cops.

I first have to get the key off his chain before he leaves for work one day this week. That way, he may never notice it, I can and will need to tell Hud he had stayed with me for a while while I was sick (truth), but not admit his helping me $$., Just that I am trying to get a restraining order. He will be put on a list and those people will be arrested on site at Any Hud project at least in this county. Cool huh?

I am still hurting and very confused.

But luckily I am very excited to be going to see my parents and daughter tomorrow, back to the old homestead.  haven't been invited over in many many moons. I see it as change. They see me trying to be a responsible woman. I was way more messed up a long while back, so I thank God I am here now.

Thank you all

I need all the ESH you can think of . the contact is so helpful.

I am surprised you haven't found a temporary sponsor at an alanon meeting in your area....have you heard the phrase "When I got busy, I got better"? Are you familiar with the principle in alanon that we generally "don't advise whether to stay or to leave the relationship"? In actuality, you really are supposed to be working with a sponsor on these issues, someone that gets to know you and your situation in detail, so that you can turn to them for support in these times.......it isn't our job on the message board to tell you to put a restraining order on him, or to ask him to leave, etc., because we don't live with you, and don't know the WHOLE story....just what you are telling us at the time....

I suggest you get a copy of the do's and don'ts....and the pamphlet on "detachment", and go regularly to alanon meetings. You can't do anything about his drinking, period. Nagging him or scolding him will only aggravate the situation.....I lived with my boyfriend while he was in a relapse for the last 3 years, until 6 months ago I left the property....which his cousin owned, and he went into a halfway house and is almost 6 months sober.....if it were my house I would have changed the locks.....probably........If it were my house, I wouldn't have let him come back until he was sober.......probably.......but I moved in with HIM, on his cousin's property, so I was the one that had to leave.....

I won't tell you what to do, because it sounds like you are too afraid to let go right now. Why don't you try treating him better for the time being, and being a bit more tolerant, and maybe read the chapter in the alcoholics anonymous big book called, "to wives". It gave me everything I needed to know on how to handle the active drinker.

Merry Christmas, and stop creating so much drama.....get a SPONSOR! We as alanon members also can't enable you by continuing to support your not getting to meetings. We would be remiss if we didn't suggest meetings and a sponsor.

You have to push yourself to call someone to pick you up for an alanon meeting.....wherever it is my dear.......the internet is for emergency....you have to start detaching from him and going. I did whatever it took to get to meetings without a car. The bus, my bicycle, calling members to come get me.

You can do the same. Start focussing on YOURSELF. You can't help him.

I am sorry that you feel threated by my postings, Debilyn. I have the right, just as you do, to try to be helpful. If you find it necessary to contact the owner about my messages, then you must follow your heart. Yes, I agree that the message board can be used as a lifeline in certain situations, however, if I could get to meetings without a car, anyone could....disabled or not. Going to alanon meetings is on the Do's and Dont's list.....as well as the other principles that are listed....which are read at alanon meetings.

Thanks for your concern, Debilyn, and all the very best to you.

((((stacie))))

"i'm noone special" ------ lies lies lies... YOU are very special.  See, you are here walking this path with sooo many of us.  Self-care is isn't self-ish.  You do what ya can.  You come back here, ya here, for ESH, for help, for feeeeelings, ya just gotta keep coming back.  F2F are wonderful, in my experience.  This place... this place is wonderful, in my experience.  I use'em both when I can, lots of times I can't -- and that's ok... I let it go and let God.. I thank my HP for what I've got.

with love, always
cj