Hey Everyone!!

               Guess what I just did? I went back and read the post that Diva had 2 days ago...("I read this everyday of my life"),Desiderata, and since I didn't understand what alot of the words meant...I looked them all up in the dictionary. I wrote it all down word for word, and in paren-thesee's (check spell lol)...I put the meaning beside them. Now I just love it even more 'cause it makes that much more sense to me! It's Beautiful! Why haven't I ever seen that before in all of my 49 years??? <LOL> Thank you Diva!! It'a amazing how you learn something new every-day, and how things come along that you needed to see (or hear)...that make life a wonderful place to be, even in our darkest times!! You all have NO IDEA how grateful I am that I had the opportunity to meet you!! I've got things written down in a notebook, that I keep for inspira-tion on not so good days..that so many of you have written! Now, I will give you the update on what has happened to the plans of leaving the AH. <LOL> They aren't going well at this mom-ment...BUT>>>>>It's just a matter of time...I just need to calm down, because there's got to be a reason (HP's), so all in due time, it will come through. AH's still out of town (has been for over a week now). That's how long I have been packed and ready to go. Maybe today, later this evening he will be home. I'm asking for your prayers that I continue to keep myself in a civil and gentle attitude when it comes time he knows for sure that I am definately leaving. I think because he's been out of town and I'm still here after all the drama we had 2 weeks ago, he thinks I'm going to forgive him for it, and stay. I have hated when he calls me and he says "honey", or "I love you" and I just say..."ok, be careful, bye"! He's not mentioned it over the phone that I haven't said the same back to him. EEEK! My last day of work was Wednesday. I can't tell you how hard that was to say goodbye to everyone, and give my boss the forwarding address for my last paycheck, and turn my time sheet in. Well...alot of the bus drivers got me up on a bus and handed me a card, and told me to "open it now". OH MY GOSH!! I started to cry (uncontrollably at that)...(sigh)...There were so many 10, 5, and 1 dollar bills in that card I couldn't believe it!! Of course you know I cry even harder!!! I asked them if they were raising rent money for me to find an apartment so I wouldn't leave. They all laughed and said, "NO"! This is for gas or whatever you need to help you get back home on"! My hometown is a three hour drive from here (actaully 4 hours because of where I'll be staying when I get there). So, I am just in shock that they even cared enough to do that for me!! It's not like I was really close to any of them, because my AH was so controlling, and I never got to go "hang-out" with em' after work hours. I just associated with them while we waited for the kids to get out of school to get on our buses. How do you ever repay people for doing something like that? I mean, I am going to send a "Thank You" card to each and everyone that pitched in to do that...but I will never be able to find the words to really show them how GRATEFUL I am! Remember...I'm not all that...you know...smart...when it comes to words, that's why I look em' up! <LOL> OH! I al-most forgot to tell you...there was ONE-HUNDRED and FIFTEEN DOLLARS in that card when I got home and counted it!! And you know what really amazed me, and appreciate it even more so? You know they are ALL trying to get ready for X-mas...and that money could have gone for alot more important things than me getting back home! And yet, they found it in their hearts to chip in for gas money or whatever. If that isn't "LOVE", I don't know what is then!! My heart is beating so fast right now, anticipating the AH's arrival, and how long it will take for the "talk to come" between us, and if he will get so mad he throws me out immediately instead of us going "together" to file the divorce papers the day after X-mas. And then once we do that, I will be able to "boogie" up the highway! I sent away for the papers (many of you may remember) back in May. It's to do it without a lawyer, because it's sooooooooo much cheaper! But obviously... not any "easier" by a longshot! Especially when the both of us have to walk into that court-house together and hand over the paperwork to the clerk! Oh, and have them notorized some where first too! GEEESH! I just figure it like this...IF he makes me leave immediately...then it will be his problem to get the divorce, the best way he can. I will NOT come back down here to do it! I read on the internet, it CAN be done with-out me!! So...I'll keep ya'll posted and I hope you will remember to send up some prayers for me! <LOL> Thank you! Love Ya's! Bye for now. Hugs, Korinne