The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Last night my ex (A) left messages asking me to call him, because he said he had a toothache and was feeling 'kaka'. All could think of was 'take a Tylenol then' (haha!)... I never thought I'd reach a point where I almost don't care. In the past I'd probably think 'ooh he needs me, maybe he will realise the error of his ways... crazy crazy crazy'.
He actually said he didn't want to talk about working things out, just wanted to talk to 'someone' because he was feeling sorry for himself. Puh-lease.
But then I got another message first thing this morning saying 'look would you call me I'm going to need some help today I need to go and get an x-ray of my wisdom tooth, it's infected and the doctor has prescribed me Codeine and asked that I don't drive..'
All I could think about was all the times when my son and I were both sick and he wouldn't come help, not even to pick our son up for an hour so I could take care of myself. I have learned not to rely on him for anything now. All I could think of were the times he was late or didn't show up at all to pick up our son on his day to have him, because he had been drinking. All I could think about was how whenever I'd tell him how it upset me or tried to tell him something important to me he'd tell me 'take it and stick it up your a**', or say I am on a mission or got a hump.
Now he has a toothache and wants help and sympathy. I had to laugh.
Not sure if I went to far, but I sent him a text message saying my son and I are busy today so we won't take him to get an x-ray, but I'd be happy to call him a taxi and he can call a babysitter if he's going to be unwell this weekend when he has our son.
...Then he said why won't I help him. I said 'you sound like you are on a mission. You can take it and stick it up your a**'!
I am sure it's very, very wrong that I laughed at your come back , but given the number of times I've bit my tongue from giving the perfect comeback, I took just a wee bit of pleasure in the fact that you came give him a little taste of his own medicine.
As hard as I try, it's hard to be program perfect all the time. Sometimes you've just got to say the first thing that comes to mind.
As I read your post, I thought of my friend who has helped me with a lot of spiritual healing in the past. She taught me that we should always try to speak our truth without being angry. Don't ever allow yourself to feel obligated to do things for other people. If you don't want to do something, don't have time to do something, whatever - just say so and leave it at that. And that's just what you did - yay!!. The "shove it up your a**" part was just a way of letting him know that you weren't the servant that he thought you were - and it's his fault for having unrealistic expectations of your role in his life. It's good that you stood up for yourself. I try to distance myself from my b/f but every once in a while when he's drunk and askes me to do something for him I tell him to "go F$%* yourself" - I think we need these little bits of release sometimes.
I work with small children, and one of the things we teach them is that actions have consequences - if you are not nice to your friends, pretty soon other kids won't want to play with you.
It looks like you have let your ex know that his actions had consequences - that is not a bad thing. What goes around comes around, after all. Better not to "say it mean", but none of us are saints.
, but given the number of times I've bit my tongue from giving the perfect comeback, I took just a wee bit of pleasure in the fact that you came give him a little taste of his own medicine. 
