The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hubby and I spent last weekend in Michigan with baby granddaughter, she's 2 and a half. We live in Ohio, so don't see her except on holidays. We loaded the car with dolls, a gingerbread house I had made her, a little 36" wooden tree with lights that hubby had painted for her. We picked up her and her mommy and stayed in a hotel near where they live with grandbaby's other grandma and grandpa. Step son is on house arrest, so he didn't stay with us.
Babys are so precious. She talks all the time, clearly, like talking to a grownup. When we pulled in the drive to pick her up, she came running out on the porch, smiling really big, and said "HI GUYS!!!!" Oh, my heart just melts at the sight of her.
She loved all her toys, she played and played. We went out to eat, then we took her to see Santa....she wants a Dora Kitchen and a baby doll. Her daddy's Mom, (who is an A, but who is also not a very nice person) got her the kitchen, probably to bribe her to spend time at her house which the baby doesn't like to do. It's like she never sees the baby, but thinks if she spends $$$ on her, that is all she needs to do. And she doesn't even have a job, but can always go to the bar, always has a different boyfriend...who knows how or where she gets the $$$.. GRRRR
Anyway, baby is great, loves us so much. I talked to her last night and she said "I come to YOUR house, 'K???" She doesn't understand we live 6 hours away. Wish I could see her everyday. When I am with grandbaby, I can see the innocence that my AH has lost, she looks just like hi, but chubbier....LOL.
Anyway, what I was getting at, was hubby, who drinks everyday, did not drink anything from Thursday night until we got home Sunday night. Then he pulled into a drive thru not far from our house. I turned away from him as tears filled my eyes. It was so much fun spending time with him when he wasn't drinking. I wished it could last forever. Before I even knew what I was doing, I reached over and touched his arm as he was waiting for his 12 pack, and blurted out "Thanks for not drinking this weekend." "That's all right," he quickly answered. Then I dried my tears without him seeing me even tear up, and we went on about our evening, unloading the car, and getting ready for the work week. After the car was empty, he proceeded to hammer back 12 beers as fast as he could. Oh, I hate this disease, it is so heartbreaking.
However, I feel I was given a beautiful gift, by him not drinking, and spending the weekend with my favorite little girl. It truly was a Christmas miracle in my heart.
You said a mouthful there. Do you know how easy it is for people to blow right past the miracle and go straight to how the weekend was ruined by that event at the drive through?
You deserve a big pat on the back for making sure you can see the miracles. That makes it all worth it!
Have a wonderful holiday! You deserve it!
Take care of you!
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"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
Your husband must love you and family very very much, as it must have been extremely difficult for him to stay sober. He was getting very near the point where the body starts screaming for alcohol (3-4 days), God love him. I'm so glad you thanked him because it really was a huge test of strength vs. the disease. He won that round :)
take care Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
It was inspiring to read how seeing your granddaughter gave you some strength in seeing the positive side of things and being able to hold on to that. I felt tense even just reading your post - in the past I think if it were me I would have wanted to explode in a mix of anger, resentment, hopelessness and rage.
I would shed some silent tears also. I wonder, where do those feelings go if you keep it to yourself? Do you still hold on to it after the tears? I think you must be stronger than me, for me it would eat away at me. I obviously still have a lot to learn.
In the end I suppose family is what matters and I agree the innocence and beauty of children is a very special and precious thing worth putting differences aside for.
I am glad that he was able to give you that gift of sobriety just for a while. I wish it could have been longer. But I remember when hubby would give me just a day or a few hours of sobriety. It meant everything for me. What he did for you was incredibly hard. Especially as Christy reminds me how his body was screaming for it.
I have a hard time believing that you're a grandmother. But glad she got to spend time with Grandma. How cool is that.
Merry Christmas to you, hubby and kitties. Don't forget to put something in their stockings from Santa Paws.
Love and blessings to you all.
Live strong,
Karilynn, Hubby & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
Hi Becky - Thank you for sharing your story. You brought a smile to my face - kids have a way of doing that, don't they? They are so innocent, playful and energy...which is what i strive to be every day.
You sound very warm and gracious - looking for the positives and the miracles even if there is bittersweet pain at the end. What a lovely lady. That is amazing that your husband held off for those few days and did the best that he could.
Merry Christmas! Wishing you more blessings and miracles this coming year.
Now I AM sitting here with tears streaming. I cannot believe the love and support I get from this room. You make me see the good in me, that I have a hard time seeing sometimes.....I was just doing what comes naturally to me. Thanks for the reminder of how hard it must have been for hubby....no matter how much I learn, I guess I always think "why can't he just STOP!?!?!?" I need the daily reminders that this is a disease I am dealing with. I have an 8 x 10 picture taped in my locker at work, of my hubby when he was only 1 year old. He will be 50 Jan. 31. He is sitting there in his little short-pants jumper outfit, with a big curl on top of his head, and really chubby cheeks (just like our granddaughter), and an innocent little pout. Every morning when I open my locker to get my uniform out for work, I see this picture, and no matter how upset or mad I may have been with him, it just melts when I see this picture, and I can go about my day. My husband, no matter what he says at times, does not wish me harm. He is a child of God, who has a disease of addiction to alcohol. This disease alters his being, his thoughts, his words, at times. But in that picture remains the man I fell in love with, back before the disease took control of him. And that is the man I love. That beautiful little boy is still inside of him.
