Dear (((Roomies))),

  I am so grateful for this program, for the person who took me by the hand to my first meeting, to John for starting this site with the Board and the twice daily meetings, and to each of you and for all the folks who fill the al anon rooms I've entered, cause it is through you all that the "wisdom to know the difference" comes.

  Let me try a short story of the last few days vs the past.  We all know that A's tend to create chaos and want us all in the middle of it, or, to quote Courage To Change, "amidst the constant turmoil and drama that surrounds most alcoholics" --  

About a week ago I got a phone call from a person who is a master of "creating turmoil" particularly in my life, who apparently gets enjoyment from watching people respond to the turmoil ... and in the past that phone call would have had me,well, let's just say I would have lost my serenity in a major way.   This time, the call came when I had a true time constraint, and I had the prescence of mind to say so up front.  He then told me something that he believed that I had to do and I had to do it by his timetable or he would take actions that would adversely affect my/our kids.  It is something that he knows I am fundamentally against doing.  I listened -- and then I said what I meant, but I didn't say it mean, I said no, it was not going to happen.  He began to rant at me, and I stopped him and said I wanted him to be clear that I heard him, and I repeated what he was demanding of me.  Then I said I also wanted him to hear what I was saying, and I repeated it clearly -- and then I said that unless he wanted to change his demands, that I thought we were done on this topic.

I think he didn't know what to do with the way I'd handled it, cause it was pretty easy for me to get off the phone graciously.

Then, as I could feel my serenity slipping, I called my sponsor on the way out the door, who provided me a quick pat on the back.  I spoke to another friend later who gave me some suggested readings that allowed me to visualize my children safe and well.  I've gone back to those visualizations each day since.  And I truly believe it will be OK.  Friends are also visualizing my children safe and well, and I welcome you to join us.

Al anon has helped me get to point where I can actually choose to focus on what I want and my goals (rather than past behaviors), and miraculously, what I am focusing on seems to be happening, bit by bit.  Al anon has helped me to be able to accept people the way they are, but to set boundaries against unacceptable behavior, and to have the courage to let the consequences fall on the person who is initiating the unacceptable behavior --even if the consequences result in some risk to me and my kids .... cause I've come to see that even if I'm spinning trying to reduce the risk of bad things because of an A's bad behavior, all my effort is not going to make the overall picture better for me or my kids -- what makes it better in the long-run (and to some degree in the short-run) is me setting a clear boundary with consequences, and to live with that.  It takes time, but al anon helps me with that too, cause I only need to take "one day at a time."

Thank you for sharing your "wisdom" with me.  I hope you and yours have a lovely holiday,

emma